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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

How to handle 8yo DD pilfering school supplies

49 replies

Shurelyshomemistake · 30/11/2016 21:38

DD has just appeared crying and very upset to tell me that she got caught stealing a small craft supply type thing at school today. The teacher caught her red handed and reportedly called her out in front of the whole class (DDS version). She says she felt very embarrassed and ashamed.

We had a chat about how stealing, even small things, was wrong and she has decided she wants to write something letter to the teacher to say sorry. She clearly felt very very bad and I didn't want to heap shame on her and told her we all make mistakes etc. But is there anything else I should be doing? From talking to friend's it seems minor theft is commonish at this age ....just wondering what others have done in similar situations.

OP posts:

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user789653241 · 02/12/2016 07:56

Why are they not a theif? To me someone who steals other people's property is a theif, however young they are.

therootoftheroot · 02/12/2016 08:01

we have kids CONSTANTLY removing blu tack-it drives me crackers!

WhatHaveIFound · 02/12/2016 08:06

Gosh, DS had about 50 school pencils (of varying lengths) when he left Y6. I just assumed he'd kept forgetting his own and then automatically popping the school one in his pencil case at the end of the day.

I never thought he could have been stealing them

notarehearsal · 02/12/2016 08:14

Is shame so wrong anyway? Mu DD took some sweets from a supermarket when I'd said we wouldn't be buying them. She still remembers to this day my absolute fury with her. And yes she was properly ashamed, as she should have been and the huge consequence was taking the sweets back to the supermarket and apologising to the manager. She was five. She would never, ever in a million years take a single thing that didn't belong to her. Having fostered many children who steal, yes STEAL, imo it often comes from inadequate/ inconsistent/ lazy parenting. The 'children will be children' or 'it's just a few sweets' approach. These lack of boundaries for another persons property can so easily continue into later life if not stopped and yes, the little dear 'shamed'. And I really do know what I'm talking about, the light-fingered child is never popular and it doesn't often stop with some blue tac unless an adult steps in properly.

Autumnsky · 02/12/2016 12:29

I agree it is only normal for a 3-5 years old children. Children will then learn the rules when parents don't allow them to take other children's toy home, insisit them to eat snack only after it is paid in the shop etc.

christinarossetti · 02/12/2016 13:08

I agree with helping her to write a letter to apologise to the teacher.

When my ds was 6, he took a keyring from a London museum shop. He was with dh and ds produced it from his pocket when they were nearly home.

I made him write a letter saying that he'd taken it without paying and wanted to return it and we sent the letter and keyring back to the museum by post.

It would have been easy to think 'oh, we'll take it back next time we're there' (and probably forgotten) but it felt really important to me to see that one through.

BobGoblin23 · 02/12/2016 14:02

I've had similar with my 5 year old. Craft supplies like Pom poms, sparkles and googly eyes. He just pockets them and then plays at home. He loves the softness of the Pom Pom. Then beads started coming home on pipe cleaners. I put it all in a big jar so he could see it, then asked him to give it back to the teacher. It was only 1 week ago but nothing new has come home since. I really hope now I didn't do it in a shame inducing way. I didn't tell him off, just asked him to take it back and share.

Anyway, perfectly normal I think.

Note3 · 02/12/2016 14:11

Wow some harsh and sweeping statements on this thread! My observations:

OP please do not worry. Your DC is highly likely to outgrow this stage.
contrary to what a PP believes, primary teachers are not to blame these days. I pilfered a fair few things at ages of about 7 and 8 but did stop and funnily enough as an adult I am now exceptionally by the book and work in law enforcement.
one of my DC is currently going through as pilfering stage, as are several others in her class. It's frustrating but I'm not worried long term for her. I deal with it by initially clearly telling her it's wrong and how she will make ppl feel. As she has continued her behaviour I now have a policy where she has to choose a personal item of hers omto go to charity if I see her with anything that's not hers. She also is not allowed to accept anything from anyone unless they come up and tell me they have said it's ok (stops her saying she did a toy swap and then me finding out otherwise!)

user789653241 · 02/12/2016 14:31

I am sure most of kids are going to grow out of it, but some people aren't, thinking it's a petty thing. And either it's just pathological thing or not, it need to be addressed properly from early age, imo. Yes, I am very rigid, boring person.

My solar light, some garden ornament, and even a plant was stolen from my front garden over the years.

Yes, it's not hardly a criminal act, but I just wondered if this kind of "it's common" attitude from parents make some people grow up to be to thinking less of it as a crime.

GeorgeTheThird · 02/12/2016 14:33

Sounds as though she has already learned her lesson. I think the letter is enough. I'd make sure she puts effort into it (best writing and so on) but then leave it.

TheRollingCrone · 02/12/2016 16:44

AllPizza I didn't say my light fingered lass removed it from display boards. Rather (and worse IMHO) from the teachers stash on the teachers desk , obviously community P.O are needed for constant surveillance of these types of children.

pklme · 02/12/2016 16:55

The ones that don't grow out of it wouldn't grow out of it even if you shouted at them. They have other issues that a good dose of shame, telling off and punishment are unlikely to address. In fact they probably live in a state of shame which leaves them unable to empathise, unable to accept boundaries, unable to build positive relationships.

However, if we chopped off the thieving hand and hung them for the second offence, they probably wouldn't do it a third time.

jamdonut · 02/12/2016 17:22

Something that does make me mad is that children are allowed ,by their watching parents, to take flowers from gardens,etc.
Every year around our area, a beautiful display of daffodils, planted by the council, pops up.
Every year,without fail, you see children allowed to pull up the flowers, and then leave a trail of them along the pavement!
It may not seem like it, but it is form of theft, all the same. We have to tell the children not to pick flowers from our garden at school, and they always seem amazed that we tell them not to do it. They are allowed to pick buttercups and daisies in the summer, but nothing else.
My front garden at home is open plan, and I've asked children not to pull up our plants and flowers, only to have an incredulous " They're just kids!" thrown back at me !

pklme · 02/12/2016 21:22

I'm with you, jamdonut. I look after the shrubbery that lines the road where I live, one side I am responsible for, the other side i do at the same time. The kids tear off branches, crush the bushes when they go looking for footballs, and generally trash it. I don't want it perfect, but it's hard to look after when they half kill it all!

user789653241 · 02/12/2016 21:44

My plant thief was worse than innocent children. One day we came back home from holiday to find a hole in our garden. Perfectly shaped, so not pulled out. Assume the person who stole it didn't want to damage the roots....
I was so wowed by the fact and didn't even feel angry.

leccybill · 02/12/2016 21:47

Secondary teacher here. God yes to the blu-tack. Surreptitiously peeled off displays to be messed with/thrown.

Also agree about boundaries. Getting so annoyed lately with pupils coming in to my classroom, opening windows, turning heating up/off, taking pens from my desk. I am in charge of my own room and it is up to me to alter the heating etc.

And yes- lots and lots of theft. Very normal for pens to go missing every single day, felt pens (always reds and blacks first?), board markers- god, they love them, spare exercise books, Post-its, my laser whiteboard remote control goes walkabout frequently. Basically, if it ain't nailed down, it's gone.

They are lovely kids and it's a great school. Just full of kleptomaniacs teenagers.

wishparry · 02/12/2016 22:15

I used to steal small things from school when I was younger. (Normally work books or bandages from the first aid kit etc)
I have no idea why I used to do it,and I wouldn't dream of stealing anything now as an adult.
your dd is sorry about it,and perhaps getting caught will make her think twice,but this isn't a reflection of the adult she will turn out to be.

kilmuir · 03/12/2016 08:43

I don't think it's normal/ acceptable behaviour at 8

VintagePerfumista · 03/12/2016 08:48

I was caught in the stationary cupboard pocketing some pieces of card when I was about 7.

I loved stationary so much, and my spending money (10p- am ancient) wouldn't even have covered one sheet.

I wasn't shouted at, and the teacher said I could have it, and what did I want it for, and was that the right colour.

I never did it again, and have never forgotten the teacher's kindness. Later the same year, at Christmas I was buying 3 of those teeny calendars that you stick on the bottom of cards, in Woolies, when I got home, I discovered I had 4 not 3 and was absolutely distraught that I had "stolen" something again.

I doubt the OP's dd will become a lifelong criminal.

BurnTheBlackSuit · 03/12/2016 09:15

I am intrigued by the blu tack comments form the teachers.

Children with ASD and sensory issues are encouraged to have something to fiddle with as it helps calm them, help keep them still and help them concentrate. Maybe this isn't limited to those on the spectrum, and all children would benefit...

user789653241 · 03/12/2016 09:26

Burn, it's true, but that doesn't mean they are allowed to help themselves to school supply without asking. My ds always had blue-tack in his pocket. Difference is we provided it for him.

goingmadinthecountry · 03/12/2016 20:39

It might seem minor, but so far I reckon about £100 of stuff - mainly glue sticks - has disappeared. Pencils, whiteboard pens, rubbers all cost money. I get particularly annoyed when children take stuff I've bought with my own money to make life a bit nicer for everyone.

Not necessarily my class - various others pass through my room for clubs, sessions, activities. That's all from a very tight school budget and affects everyone in school. Really winds me up because we're always happy to provide things for home for those children we know don't have access to pencils/books etc. Recently had an "anonymous" donation from an ex pupil - 2 whole bags of reading books and about 30 felt pens - all of which were school stamped/school issue. Not only is it the cost, but 40-odd books were out of circulation that others may have enjoyed (some of which I bought for class use).

Please make sure you send everything back - really, we understand. Just want the hard to pay for resources for everyone to share. And as a mum of 4, I'd say no, it's not normal and needs to be addressed at the age of 8 - but in a low-key way.

jamdonut · 04/12/2016 13:04

Burnthebkacksuit

Yes, there is a line of thought that you should give something to some children to fiddle with...
HOWEVER
It causes distraction in the other children. It is fiddling with things that causes them not to be paying attention. If you gave something to everyone it would be a nightmare getting them to focus!

But, it is the same with Velcro, laces,zips, tissues,( one child goes and gets one they all go) even the stickers that are given for good behaviour o work !!!
And if not those, it is hair bands, hair bobbles, hair, or , cardigans and sweatshirt s, on and off, twisted into various shapes, used as a blankie, headgear, flag etc, etc.A be if not that, it's whatever they can find on the carpet...little stones, bits of mud, and God knows what!

So much distraction that goes on during input...it seems children cannot get by without having something to distract their attention.

MiaowTheCat · 05/12/2016 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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