DS2 (5) says he hates school [sad]. Any advice?

[singersgirl]

DS2 (5 and in Y1) is going through a bit of a bad patch at school. He says he hates it (which I don't really believe, as he has friends and goes in and comes out quite happy), but also repeatedly says other very negative things about it, even crying sometimes.

He's been kept in at playtime several times for not finishing work and yesterday he said that his teacher tells him off because his colouring is not neat enough. I know this is his interpretation, and probably not strictly true, but he obviously feels down.

He was also sent to the head for biting another child a couple of weeks ago; obviously the biting is unacceptable, but he does not like to do wrong and is still unhappy about the incident.

How do I help him?

go and talk to his teacher and tell her what you've put there .. ask her advice

Have you spoken to his teacher? i would start with making an appointment to discuss your concerns with her.

What sort of negative things does he say? How did he explain the biting incident - was it a one off or do you think there's more to it?

IME boys often 'go off' a bit in year 1 as the change of pace from reception can be quite hard to deal with. I would be asking the teacher what her strategies are for keeping boys engaged (this is something our school take v seriously).

you might also find that if you invite some of his friends round after school .. 1 at a time .. you may well get more 'information' out of friend and him .. with gentle and hidden probing that is

also might help him cement friendships

I think also you need to get to the bottom of the teacher's expectations of him vs what he is achieving. Is she setting work above his ability? Is he mucking about in lessons and not reaching his potential?

Twig (can I call you Twig?), I think it would be a good idea to have a cosy chat with the teacher - unfortunately she is on jury duty this week and next.

Puddle, the biting does seem to be a one-off and is quite out of character. It was in the same week that he had been kept in twice for not finishing literacy work. The bitee is not a particular friend, but I have seen them chatting in the playground since.

As far as the literacy is concerned, it isn't above his abilities, but he does find writing hard work still - he says his arm hurts. I actually think the colouring may be beyond his abilities; he just can't do it neatly.

He also says school is boring (DS1 never did at this stage), that he doesn't learn anything as he knows it all already , that he doesn't like being one of a class of 30 and wants to be at home with me.

He has one very close best friend at school and I have been trying to broaden his repertoire by asking other children round as well.

aww singers, was looking for this thread after you mentioned it on mine the other day!

dd had a particularly torrid time in yr1 after a fantastic reception experience - she was a reluctant writer and used to complain that her hand was sore from having to write so much. She also started pulling sickies (when clearly not ill) because she didn't want to go to school. I think it was because she had such a lovely reception experience where they didn't pressurise her at all that when she was faced with the yr1 work (and all the emphasis on having to write), she really took against it.

Aside from chatting to the teacher, do you think the writing issue may be what is putting him off?

Personally, I think being kept in in yr 1 for not finishing work is ridiculous. If it is because he's messing about then I guess that's one thing but if it is because his writing is slow, then perhaps they are giving him too much to do. I wonder if it's worth mentioning this to the teacher because imo, I think they are too young in infants to be penalised this way (wrt work).

and as for colouring not neat enough, just silly (gawd, you should see my two colouring in!)

but I would get the teacher's perspective because maybe he's taken what she's said the wrong way etc. and it's worth finding out what really is going on there

We had exactly that with the sicky this week, Fox. He off with a cough on Tuesday and then burst into tears on Wednesday at the thought of going back to school - and that was where all the stuff about colouring came out. I agree I need to take it with a pinch of salt, because she probably isn't really 'telling him off'.

I know he's been kept in coz the teacher's told me.

He is a very young Y1 (end of August b/d) and is in a literacy group with children who are mostly either nearly a year older than him or girls (I know not all girls are good at writing, like your DD, but many have better fine motor skills). So I think the amount of writing is definitely an issue for him.

Thanks for your thoughts!

Sorry, meant to ask how your daughter is doing now, Foxinsocks. Is she Y2? Have things improved?

DS1 found writing hard work too and it is finally much better in Y4.

that's really annoying that teacher is away because I bet you'd like to address it now

can you speak to the head of year / foundation in her absence?

(and yes of course you can call me Twig )

your poor boy being kept in

yes, dd is August too and her problem in yr1 (I think) came about because she could read v well and her general literacy skills were v good but her writing wasn't (she too was put in a group full of girls who were fantastic writers!). Dh and I even discussed whether we should speak to the teacher and ask for her to be put in a group of children whose writing skills were of a similar level (and ignore the reading level for the time being) but we didn't.

Her writing is still not fantastic - her letters aren't joined yet and she's still very aware that her writing is not great but not bothered enough to want to practise it at all (we battle to get her to do 10 spellings a week tbh).

The school are fantastic though and have told us they won't put pressure on her and will let her writing develop at its own pace as her fine motor skills begin to get better so we've taken their advice and she's certainly shown a big improvement this school year so far (yr2).

I'm sorry you can't speak to the teacher now but I wonder if it's worth having a word with the supply teacher in the meantime so she's aware of what's going on. I really think pressurising them so young is not a good idea. He does sound quite frustrated doesn't he.

I think he is a bit stressed, poor little chap. He has developed (as I mentioned on Northerner's thread) an annoying sniffing tic, which seems like stress to me. It's a shame, as he is normally the most equable cheerful little boy.

Twig, you're right, I would like to address it now coz I feel I'll brood otherwise, but I worry if I speak to the supply teacher it'll seem as if I'm going behind his teacher's back. She is a long-term supply teacher so the class know her well, but I don't.

And the problem is exactly the same as your daughter's, Fox, as his general literacy skills are extremely good, but he finds the physical act of writing hard (he says his arm hurts).

Still, the weekend's ahead of us, and there's no writing to worry about!

Just an update for anyone who posted with advice! Teacher is back from jury service early, so I had a chat with her (without DS2) today. She said she had noticed he had been underperforming/staring into space etc and she says she has been quite hard on him, because of his ability. She says she has told him to hurry up with easy work and it is policy to keep them in at playtime in both Y1 classes, so he's not the only one.

We reminded each other that he is very young in the class and agreed that we would try something like a sticker chart to try to break the cycle.

Today he said that the best bit of school was hometime . So we will see.