Have some concerns about ds's reception teacher. This is my first experience of teachers, could do with advice, don't know if they are valid or if I'm over reacting

[northerner]

Ds is 4.8, he started reception partime last september, full time in Jan.

Since January his behaviour in and out of school has gone down hill.

She has spoken to me on many ocassions about his bahaviour. She does this at the end of the school day, in the playground. When she talks to me, she talks at me and is clearly very upset/adjitated. It will be ovbious to other parents what she is talking to me about.

More often than not she tells me in front of ds he has made bad choices, not been helful/pushed his friends etc etc. She sums it up with 'All in all NOT a good day for xxxxx'

He has recently developed a tic (constantly clearing his throat) which I believe is stress related. She had pulled him up about making this noise so I told her not to, as the GP advised us to ignore it. So what does she do today? Mentions it again in a negative way in front of him.

Also, whilst she was talking to me, a girls from ds's class tried to butt in as she wanted to chat to teh teacher (like 4 yr olds do) The teacher held out her hand in a 'talk to the hand way' about an inch from this girls face and said in a loud voice NOT NOW I AM TALKING.

I feel she is clearly not handling ds well.

Am I over reacting or should I chat to teh head?

Thanks for reading.

There is a boy in my class at school who was excluded from his last primary due to poor behaviour. Actually he misbehaves about 5% of the time and is great 95% of the time. I meet his mum once a week (her request) after school with him (he is 14) in my room, just us. We chat about his week. If I feel it is necessary to mention a particularily bad moment I will. If it is something I wouldnt phone home about and has been dealt in school I dont.

His mum is frankly amazed and much happier. His teacher at his last school constantly told her how awful he was. They never mentioned the 95% of the time he was great. What a sad little boy he was and a sad mum.

I think the teacher's behaviour is completely out of order, if he reall is as bad as she makes, she should have talked to you privately and with time in her hands, not at the end of the day in the playground when everone's listening, that way you can work out a way to make it work.

The way she's doing it, its just making it worse for you and your child.

GOOD LUCK with your appointment!!

Mog, you took the words right out of my mouth.

4 year olds are too YOUNG to be in school!
When will our government learn this????
4 year old boys should be climbing trees and running about and playing then falling asleep exhausted not sitting on a carpet for 20 mins twice a day and having to learn to read and write. It's not natural!

Northerner, I'm totally sympathetic with your feelings right now as I am going through the same thing with my ds. He was kept in all lunch time today for an incident in class, and dh was "called over" at home time. Dh is really down over this, and ds is already in bed having had no tv and not getting to play with his best friend after school.

The discussion of ds's behaviour was done in the same style- right in front of him. I do wish that ds had been put into the other class, with the teacher that dd had, but not going to do anything about that now. They've already got me down as neurotic mother 'cos I complained when ds came home without a tooth(first) and no note or anything.

(Dh just walked by and commented about just what he needs on a Friday, and mimicked her face as she scoured for him)

Now is the time that I let you know that I am a teacher of this age group too, so really do know what it's like. Even worse, I teach a Nurture Class, so am always very positive and upbeat with the children. it's no wonder my ds doesn't like going to school either.

Your post has made me decide to think this over in far greater detail and come up with an action plan, cos what's happening is just not working. Dh only picks him up on a Friday and they both look forward to it, at this rate it'll be dh who won't be wanting to go.

There's a young boy I know - he plays with my ds. He's a loving, polite and well behaved little boy. But he has a short attention span - he's 4, that's normal. He entered reception and has been labelled 'naughty' because he starts an activity, it's stopped before he wants to and so he gets a bit stroppy. He's asked to sit on the carpet for 20 mins to listen to a story and sing a song. He just can't do it. He's not built that way. He's a doer. It's those kind of boys who I think are labelled as trouble makers and unfortunately those labels stick.
Boys are generally poorer at reading and writing and if you look at the top groups of most primary schools it's populated by girls. It's a real worry of mine. I've got a girl and 2 boys so know there is a difference between the two.

Some great points on here. Thank you all so much.

Will print out - will come in handy when I prepare for my chat with the teacher.

there's a boy in ds's class with 'attention' issues , his teacher keeps him in at breaktime/lunchtime as a punishment and then wonders why his behaviour gets worse and worse as the day wears on. boys generally, struggle to sit and focus for longer periods of time. then theyneed to have a good run around to let off steam.

I feel very sorry for little boys in school environment tbh.

Northerner - hope you get this sorted without falling out with the teacher, good luck (i've been 'there' more than once )

Thanks. The fact that I don't 'gel' with the teacher does not make it easier. But we can put that aside as we have a common goal.

Just read the OP. I can understand where you are coming from, but I am in a rush so hope this makes sense:

I too have encountered a few negative, at-her-wits-end-with-my-son type of teacher. I do feel for teachers as I know the job is so difficult, but some teachers seem far better at putting a postive, professional spin on chatting to parents about their children.

Anyway, when faced with a negative teacher who goes on and on about my child's failings, try saying, 'thanks Mrs and now tell me, what you* will be doing to overcome this particular problem with my son that you have in the classroom? and can I help in any way?'

This approach turns it from a catalogue of complaints against your child and puts the spotlight on the teacher and how they will deal with it.

HTH

I've not read the other replies but with regards to the tic she should NOT mention it at all.

The urge to tic is like the urge to breathe. I don't know the medical ins and outs but I think from personal experience that it is stress related and drawing atention to it makes the urge worse.

It is only recently that I learnt a lot about tics through work (and thus realised that I have one, have done since age 11/12) but I think it is an area many teachers are ignorant of.

Good luck with the meeting - my dd1 jut started reception too so I completely sympathise!

I think the teacher has handled it badly so far but I hope the meeting goes well - I imagine that she is far from at her best at the end of the day and a meeting may help her to communicate better. Also, I remember you from posts ages ago and I think you are funny and a warm person so I wonder if she is being too relaxed with you when she should be being more professional? Anyway hope that helps in some way!!