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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Exclusion from reception class? So quickly ?

20 replies

yaddayah · 01/02/2007 10:54

Sorry this is a 1st time post on Mn, so apologies if i've not got the ettiquette quite right, but i've just got a question and i really don't want to ask the mums in RL primary as i'm not sure and don;t want to be spreading gossip .. so hey why not spread it all over the www ??)
My DS started reception in Janaury, another boy (child A ?) started at the same time, at the orientation meeting child A's mother was summoned to the headmaster as her ds had hit another child (not my ds) Anyway she seemed really upset, and i just thought oh well they're only young a one off, BUT in the 1st week my DS told me that A had been naughty ( a few specifics he threw a book , shouted and was nasty to another child so A was not allowed to sit in with the other children, then he (A) wasn't allowed to stay for lunch (only allowed to do mornings) Since then i've not seen him in class .. the mother has 2 other children at the school and A is sometimes with her when she picks them up, but not in uniform .. i don't like to ask the other mums .. A is only 5, what can he be doing thats SO bad he's excluded, it seems like they've got him down as a "bad" kid
Trying not to be an interfering wotsit, but it just sort of shocked me the school have acted so quickly .. can they do that within the space of 3 weeks. i don;t know if its a good or bad thing ?

Please feel free to tell me to butt out its none of my business (i know its not but the childs in my sons class and although hes not had a chance to have musch contact with him its sort of got me worried)

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Steward · 01/02/2007 11:03

Ask your Ds if anything has been said by the teacher to the class as to why he is not there. I know teachers will not say much, but another child may have asked where child A was. Therefore the teacher would have said something, even if it is only that child A is off for a little while.

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Blu · 01/02/2007 11:05

I would be very very surprised if the school could (or would want to) exclude a child either in reception or so quickly.

It may be that there are issues which the mother knows about that makes it hard for the child to be in a classroom., and that it isn't 'bad' that the child has been labelled.

Whatever it is, it sounds as if the mother will have a lot on her plate.

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LIZS · 01/02/2007 11:05

Could it be that his parents rather than just the school have suggested he has a slower introdcution to school life . Do you know the family or his backgound at all ? Maybe he has SN and is dividing his time between this school and another, or is unwell ? Is he actually 5 yet, if not there is no requirement for him to attend until the term after he has so maybe they have agreed to defer. tbh it does sound as if you may have made some assumptions.

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sunnysideup · 01/02/2007 11:06

welcome Yadda! hmmmmmmmmm, on this one.......I don't think you know enough really to do anything here, what could you do anyway? You are going on what your ds says and he may well not know the full picture.

He might be off school sick, he might be going mornings only....it is highly unlikely he's been excluded in reception, I would think the teachers would have a million strategies to try in reception before they go anywhere near exclusion.

Why not approach the mother and ask how she is, say you've missed seeing A in class, is he ok? She may think you're nosy or she may welcome someone showing an interest!

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Blu · 01/02/2007 11:07

tbh, I would not be drawing your DS's attention to it by asking. Whatever the explkanation is, a low-key result, until anyone knows how they can be constructive, will be most helpful, won't it? Anything else is going to be nothing more than sticking your nose in...which you have said you want to avoid

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Blu · 01/02/2007 11:08

I mean a low key 'response'

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yaddayah · 01/02/2007 11:11

Crikey that was quick ! Thanks for the response, i don't really know the mum so yes i am making HUGE assumptions, she did say it was the school who was telling her he couldn't attend the afternoons (she has to use public transport and was complaining abou t the cost and time it takes to go back and forth all day,so she does WANT him to attend and as i said i've seen him (looking perfectly healthy running around)when picking up his older siblings, hes over 5 as the school won't let them stay afternoons until they're 5.

Ds just said A's not there anymore as hes naughty !

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yaddayah · 01/02/2007 11:14

soory this board moves so fast by the time i've typed.. i've not really quizzed ds as i don't want to make a big thing of it .. it was more a "is it normal for a school to clamp down like this so quickly thing rather than a judgement on the mother/child.) Sorry that sounds a bit sniffy its not meant to !

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mankyscotslass · 01/02/2007 11:24

There could be all sorts going on behind the scenes i would imagine. at our school the teachers would feel they had failed if a child in reception was excluded, my gut feeling is that perhaps the mother and school have reached some sort of agreement on how to handle the child....

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prufrock · 01/02/2007 11:37

Exclusion does happen at this stage, as a good friend of mine knows to her cost. Her ds has been excluded until after half term - he has had problems settling in and accepting authority which has led to him being really frightened of going,which has led to more disruptive behaviour....but school have done everything with the full agreement of the parents and have an action plan in place for a gradual re-introduction with one to one support after half term.

I think your school have failed this family completely if they have labeled the boy naughty and simply excluded him this early on - at this age children aren't just "bad" or "naughty", they need support to overcome difficulties they are having which are causing their behaviour.

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yaddayah · 01/02/2007 11:45

Prufrock, I agree with you, from what the mums said, the school seem to have just given up (haven't seen her since he was banned from afternoons) only from afar as siblings are picked up from seperate part of school .. thats why i don't want to go "barging" in on her saying whats happpened to A with all the other mums aroud her .. am i making sense .. sorry i have babblitous this morning

i was expecting there to be some sort of program to get A back in class .. probably a TA but theres been nothing !

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Hallgerda · 01/02/2007 11:51

I can understand your concern. As others have said, there may well be more to this than you know (or have a right to know), but it may indicate something about the discipline policy of either the school or the teacher. Continue to be nice to child A's mum (out of basic decency, not nosiness!) and don't draw your son's attention to the matter, but keep your ears to the ground.

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poppiesinaline · 01/02/2007 12:01

It may be that his mum has decided to home educate?

In some senses, does it matter? Its no-one elses business surely? Still be nice to A's mum - she is probably having a real tough time of it and don't join in the gossip.

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Miaou · 01/02/2007 12:02

Is it possible that the parents have withdrawn him from school and are home-educating him for now?

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Miaou · 01/02/2007 12:02

Great minds think alike poppies

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yaddayah · 01/02/2007 12:07

She works part time (was saying she is back full time from feb which is why she was so anxious that A was in school .. perhaps shes HE and he'll be back after half term ??

Will contine to be nice to her (she does look harrassed poor woman) and NOT gossip at the gates !!

Thanks again off to take DD to nursery (again not gossiping !!)

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Blu · 01/02/2007 13:33

I can understand a school saying 'we're not sure he's ready'..in agreement with a parent, but the idea of excluding a very young child for simple behaviour issues would certainly have me questioning the approach to behaviour management!

Yes, offering non-judgemental, non-nosey support to the poor harrassed Mum would be a Good thing!

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tenbygirl · 01/02/2007 15:57

A friend of mine has a 4yo with behavioural problems (he really does, and she knows it). Anyway he started school in Sept and didn't last long, the school asked his mum to keep him at home for a few weeks while they sorted out a one-to-one support worker for him. I think he was at home about 8 weeks before it was set up.

At dd's school there is a girl in her class who is very naughty. Spends most of the day under a desk refusing to come out and swears, hits, kicks the teachers, other kids, the headmaster - EVERY day. She's not been excluded and its been going on for 18months. I kind of wish she would be to be honest.

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yaddayah · 01/02/2007 16:52

Tenbygirl.. ahhhh perhaps thats it then, i'm new to this school lark.. bit dim of me to expect "instant" action !! I only know the mum to sort of smile and offer inane comments too in that embarrassed way when you feel you have to acknowledge they're there, so didn't want to go ploughing in as i'm sure i'd say the wrong thing (should have put "foot in mouth" as my nickname i'm a nightmare

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yaddayah · 01/02/2007 16:55

at girl in your dd's class

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