Am hopping mad...... someone calm me down please...bit of a rant

[poppiesinaline]

DD (aged 6) has been having trouble with a girl in her class for about 3 months now. Lets call her X. There are 3 of them in the circle, my DD, another girl who is lovely and X. I have dismissed the whole thing for a while, thinking 'threes a crowd' vibe and thought it was no more than that.

However, DD has been coming home extremely upset over the past few weeks saying that X has been nasty, making faces at her and generally being unkind. I spoke to the teacher at the end of last term and got brushed off with the whole 'oh girls will be girls' thing.

I have encouraged DD to be kind to X, to make sure she is included etc etc, which she says she has been doing. DD waved at X going into school this morning. X snubbed her and gave her a filthy look. I watched DD shrink back
I had forgotten something and went back into the classroom (so DD and X didnt know I was there) and witnessed myself X being really unkind (DD went to sit at a table and X basically made her sit on another table by herself).

DD came out of school today crying. X had made faces at her ALOT today and DD said she made a face back at her. X told on her and DD got into trouble

I do not find the teacher very approachable but I am going in tomorrow morning and going to make an appointment to speak with the teacher on a 'formal level' as I am very unhappy. Reasonable do you think or not?

Don't really know what I expect the teacher to do about it though tbh. Can she do anything?

I have come to the conclusion you have to give your child the tools to deal with this herself rather than trying to fight her battles for her however tempting that might be.

I think it's entirely reasonable to speak to the teacher. No idea what teachers do about this but I'm sure she'll have some advice.

Think I would just ask if she has noticed that there was still disharmony among the 3 of them and could she monitor it as dd is increasingly upset, then guage her reaction. You can't fight their battles for them especially when it is in schooltime. tbh I'd tell dd to ignore her when she behaves like this and find an alternative playmate.

I have told DD to ditch this 3some and find other friends. But she is unwilling. Also, part of me thinks why should she. This is exactly what X wants to happen.

Hideehi: I agree. I haven't intervened until now because that is my philosophy. She is always going to meet people like this along her journey in life. But after witnessing how spiteful this child was to my DD first hand, I feel my DD is a bit out of her depth. How can she 'fight' this battle. Being nice to this child is clearly not working and its not in my DD's nature to be nasty.

I am cross because my DD has been trying to deal with this herself and the situation is getting worse. I am also cross that when on the odd occasion my DD has approached the teacher upset because X has been unkind the teacher has told my DD not to be silly, but when X complained today about my DD making a face (only after X had been making faces all day at her) my DD was told off. Seems a bit unfair to me.

I have told my DD if somebody says something mean to her to say "PARDON" in a shocked silly voice so the other child repeats it within earshot of the teacher.
I think your DD needs to have confidence in herself so if somebody tells her to sit elsewhere she doesn't feel she has to do it, I'm still working on the "HOW" part of that myself.

Definitely speak to the teacher. Forcefully if necessary. Never mind about letting her learn to fight her own battles fgs - she is 6, and this is bullying. Poor little girl.

Yes do you know what, I am going to speak to the teacher. I am going to ask to make a formal appointment with her rather than to 'catch her before/after school' to make sure I am making more of a point of this.

I hate all this. I am [shocked] that this starts so young