A mum just told me yr 5 sex ed is explicit and she was gutted

[PartyFants]

Title says it all, her dc is going into year 6, mine is going into year 5. Different schools though, if it matters. She warned me to check the sex ed material before they learn it as she was gutted when she heard how explicit it was, apparently many parents complained.

I'm not a prude, I'm happy for them to learn age appropriate stuff, eggs, sperm, erections, wet dreams etc but he's not a streetwise kid, he's so innocent and sweet I don't like the thought of him having to learn about extra bits like for example oral sex (or whatever she meant by explicit, we didn't discuss specifics) I've only just got him to stop drinking the bath water "because there's bottom germs in there"

I'm a bit spooked, anyone with a year 6 or above child who can give me their experience with the module, please?

[gingergeranium]

I haven't read the whole thread but I taught sex ed in a inner city area to year 4.

We had a question box where we endeavoured to answer every question. Luckily blow jobs didn't come up, but getting your tubes tied did. That was 10 years ago; internet on phones was not a thing yet, access to info is much easier these days.

We had one concerned parent. The deputy head pointed out that it was very much a child protection issue these days, which I whole heartedly agree with.

I understood how animals reproduced from an early age and David Attenborough. It wasn't crazy to link it to humans. And we had the Claire Raynor body book in the house from a very young age. I didn't loose my virginity till I was 19 as I saw it as such an important special thing.

These days the emphasis on consent is the most important thing. And children need to know what we are talking about incase they are ever in a situation of pressure or vulnerability (which we hope not). Or worse.

[PartyFants]

Meglett I pored over which book to get, and I must admit that I went for one probably a bit too young because I know he'll talk about what he's learned with everyone, everywhere. He often doesn't get the usual cues about appropriate times and audiences (for example for discussing diarrhea) unless you painstakingly explain to him. And as I said, the younger ones will read it too. (And they'll do the same) I'll hold my hand up to having issues about that. I just don't want to talk about vulvas in the queue at Tesco.

[gingergeranium]

The most shocking thing for me in the film we showed the children I taught was a cartoon of a couple chasing each other round with a feather...

[mishmash1979]

My children only learnt it at the very end of yr 6 before leaving for secondary. They came home saying "yuck" and nothing more was mentioned till they had a more graphic but scientific explanation in yr 7!!!

[BertrandRussell]

Then give Mummy Laid An Egg
to the younger ones and give your son an age appropriate book.

[TheRollingCrone]

I have the Usborne book- we read it last year when she was 7. There had been some "sex" talk in the playground and in case I thought it appropriate to discuss periods, puberty, feelings etc.

Do you know the Samaritans was started because a young girl had started her period, thought she was dying and took her life ? All for the want of someone explaining.

I,ve told my dd I don't know everything about sex you're not kidding or the human body but if there's anything she wants to know, is just curious about she can ask and we'll find out

Caveat: I did tell her we all grow emotionally and mentally at different rates just like our bodies and I'd really appreciate her keeping her newly found knowledge to herself especially at school. She did ask my 70 year old Mum if she had any "eggs" left,
"Why do fancy a boiled egg and some solders?" much hilarity followed in the ensuing hour. My Mum got the Usborne book verbatim

[PartyFants]

That's hilarious

Ok I'll look into the usborne book and bite the bullet. He asked me where babies came from in the middle of dinner last week and I have to admit (as he caught me off guard) I changed the subject to his birthday I'm not perfect, I need time to adjust to this new stage of parenthood too! wish me (us) luck.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

" He often doesn't get the usual cues about appropriate times and audiences (for example for discussing diarrhea) unless you painstakingly explain to him"

So painstakingly explain it to him then! It's part of parenting. it's your job to sit down, discuss all these facts with him and as part of that, tell him that while he might find it amusing to talk about it with his mates in the playground, it's not appropriate to talk about this stuff in the middle of Tesco, and that some family members would not liked it talked about too eg Grandma (or whoever it is in your own family who you know would not like "that sort of talk" as they put it)

I was called into school at the end of year 4 because DS2 had been discussing with his friend "who you'd like to have sex with in this class." In earshot of the class teacher, and some girls at their tAble. Slightly mortifying when the deputy head told me, but he was the safeguarding person and was only asking because he was concerned as to how DS2 knew this phrase. Both DS2 and his friend had an older sibling who had just done sex ed in year 6 and who had obviously passed on their newly-acquired knowledge! DS2 knew that there was something naughty about the phrase but didn't really understand it, and so had got themselves into trouble. There were lots of tears from DS2 but it helped to discuss what was inappropriate or not to talk about and where and how and to who.

These are little children and they are all just learning. No point burying your head in the sand - this all WILL be talked about amongst class mates so may as well be very open and informative about it.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

He has really never asked you before where babies come from and he's what - 10?!? He MUST have, in some way or other? Has he never seen a pregnant woman or a newborn baby before?

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

Mine was in the middle of tea too . I answered, he said "oh, ok" and carried on eating. He had asked before though when he was younger and I had fobbed him off a bit so I felt this was the time to actually answer it.

[TheRollingCrone]

You'll be fine! They're are so without shame and total natural curiosity at this age.
I promise it won't start a sex fixation and intrinsically they're just the same,
I still have to "kiss" Winnie the Pooh better if he falls out of bed ffs!

You're just giving him the knowledge to a) help keep him safe
b) no taboos in your relationship, start talking now and hopefully when the angst and complications of adolescence come we'll be in a good place that's my theory anyhow
says 2 Hail Marys and lights a candle

Good luck Party !

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I've always just been very matter of fact about any questions, on any subject, including sex or things like drugs and crime, as don't see the point in being otherwise. It's all general knowledge and how they learn about the world. As long as it's done in a way that they can understand without going into unnecessary details then it's fine, I think. If your child asks about who gets to be made Prime Minister you would explain in basic details about an election, but you wouldn't bombard them with details about all the different world political systems and why countries like N Korea is different.

[Backingvocals]

TBH I think Mummy Laid an Egg is a pretty unhelpful book for any age. It's just silly and not actually instructive. We have The Smart Girls GUide to Growing Up as an intro to puberty. I'll get the equivalent for DS. And something else on sex as these don't cover the whole sex ed curriculum.

[Sadik]

There's a very good series called "Let's Talk About . . ." that I'd really recommend. Let's Talk About Sex is aimed at ages 10 & up, and does go into quite full on detail, but in a very matter of fact non-scary way. (There's also "Let's Talk About Where Babies Come From" which is aimed at younger ages.)

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I'm sure you'll find it fine once you start explaining and lose your own embarrassment. You'll be concentrating so hard to make sure you're explaining it in simple terms he can understand and checking he understands as you go along that you won't have time to get embarrassed anyway.

Except when he starts asking if you and daddy alwayshave sex on the bed or have you done it anywhere else!

Get ready for those personal questions about YOUR sex life and come up with an answer that is a generic one like "oh well, people usually have sex in bed because it's the comfiest place" and if he insists "yes, but where do you and daddy do it?" then you just say something along the lines that it's not polite to ask adults (even you and his dad) about personal details like that about their own lives, as it's private to them. But you are happy to discuss about what adults in general get up to if he has any questions he need to know.

[TheRollingCrone]

Curlyhaired Yes!

"Well how many times have you done it?"
"Erm, well a few"
"Oh it must be quite nice then"
"Well yes, that's why it's important to have the right person" stops shaking

[AnotherSENMess]

Party another mum to a ds with asd, albeit he is a little older at 14. He too never asked about anything to do with bodies or babies and was also extremely naive (still is in many some ways). He didn't have sex ed til yr 6, due to the timing of the introduction of the new material, but I got the what's happening to me book I think was linked earlier in the thread, and on a night we read a page or two at bedtime before his bedtime story. He coped really well, we took it slowly, talked through the content and any questions he had. Now he did mature an awful lot in the 12 months from beginning yr 5 to beginning yr 6, but equally if your ds is going to learn about it in school, he is going to talk about it to all and sundry anyway (been there, done that, although oddly not with this topic). And if he isn't in the lessons, he is likely to learn a garbled version from his peers.

In short, I know where you are coming from, and he may just surprise you. If not, at least you will know what he is likely to be talking about rather than it coming out of the blue.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

I'll second what Sadik said. The "Let's talk about ... " series is great. There are 3 in the series, I think. Covers pretty everything they need to know by secondary in a non-threatening easy to understand way.

[WomanActually]

Dd just had all this in y6, they discussed changes in the female and male body, sexual intercourse, masturbation, LGBT, consent and respect. They had an anonymous box for questions but the teacher also answered some if the most commonly asked stuff anyway.

Some of the parents where not happy with it being too "graphic" as the leaflets they brought they home had naked cartoon drawings of the male body with mentions of wet dreams, erections etc, but I'm actually pleased they taught them about what the opposite sex goes through at puberty, it helps them know that embarrassing things are happening to everyone and not just the girls. I don't think that's graphic to be honest.

I'm also pleased they discussed how sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties, and how it's important to have consent, that if someone says no to something then that's ok and that nobody who loves and respects you would try to talk you into doing something you don't want to do. (If you loved me you'd touch me etc).

I'm not sure they discussed oral sex but I wouldn't be bothered if they did, dd already knew this stuff and had heard many terms I'd rather she not have known from the playground. From y4 onwards several of the boys had accessed porn on iPads and phones and dd has heard them talking about various scenes they'd seen.

She asked what "slag" meant. X said women have "big smelly pussies" as well other questions I'd rather have not had to answer until she was a bit older, but ime, the easy access to some very grim porn has meant I had no choice. From some descriptions they've watched some violent stuff and I've often worried that if this how they are being introduced to sex then will they think that's what sex is, and hurting/humiliating women as part of sex is normal relationships.

I used to be friends with one of the mums of one boy who watched a lot of "facial abuse" and she'd laugh it off as "boys will be boys" and he's a "hot blooded boy" so I doubt he's being corrected that a blow job isn't making a woman choke on your penis until she cries and vomits. I don't know how common this is but it's worrying, and I'm pleased that the school discussed consent and mentioned that adult themed movies are not always about respect.

[YellowPrimula]

Those people criticising the OP for the fact that her ds has never asked and is young , have you missed the fact that he has asd .in my experience ( asd teen) these topics are very difficult to cover in the same way, my ds just didn't have the same maturity or body awareness in year 6 as his peers .Of course it is important to teach a child not to discuss these issues with everybody but if it was so easy to teach social skills to a child with asd then there wouldn't be so many resources devoted to it would there?

oP I sympathise , this was very difficult with my ds , he did struggle to cope with the info provided despite my best efforts and things don't get much easier in the teenage years I am afraid .

[PartyFants]

Thank you yellow primula, it's true my ds is not body aware at all. He happily gets changed in front of us, no natural shyness at all, he buries his head in my boobs all the time whilst hugging and chatting, just like a toddler. Absolutely no reason behind it, any more so than holding my arm or whatever. (And yes I do tell him about personal space and not touching people's private areas) he says "oh sorry" but looks vaguely confused more than anything at what seems to him like an arbitrary rule. He just has no concept of any of it yet, totally naive. That's why I still think the younger book is suitable to start with. All he knows is that women have a room inside them to grow a baby in, that we have a tube connecting us to the baby, that it comes out between our legs and everything stretches to let the baby out.

Curly he just turned 9, it's the first time he's asked. To be fair so much of his headspace is occupied by minecraft it probably doesn't occur to him his two best friends have asd too, maybe that's why it hasn't come up before now. All they talk about is creepers and Pokemon!

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I'd be very surprised if your ten year old didn't already know what oral sex is.

This is exactly why schools have sex ed, because parents think their child isn't old enough/ will lose their innocence.

It's completely age appropriate.

[PartyFants]

He's just turned nine. Youngest in his year, has asd, asd friends. I doubt he talks about that stuff currently. Obviously it will happen at some point, I'm not an idiot.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

All they talk about is creepers and Pokemon!

Yes , around you, he's hardly likely to talk about blow jobs while his mum's in ear shot

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I'm not an idiot.

Of course not, but I do think you're naive.