A mum just told me yr 5 sex ed is explicit and she was gutted

[PartyFants]

Title says it all, her dc is going into year 6, mine is going into year 5. Different schools though, if it matters. She warned me to check the sex ed material before they learn it as she was gutted when she heard how explicit it was, apparently many parents complained.

I'm not a prude, I'm happy for them to learn age appropriate stuff, eggs, sperm, erections, wet dreams etc but he's not a streetwise kid, he's so innocent and sweet I don't like the thought of him having to learn about extra bits like for example oral sex (or whatever she meant by explicit, we didn't discuss specifics) I've only just got him to stop drinking the bath water "because there's bottom germs in there"

I'm a bit spooked, anyone with a year 6 or above child who can give me their experience with the module, please?

[Anchovies12]

I teach secondary science and reproduction is an early topic in year 7. I am shocked how much they know and according to my ds (12) not much came from primary sex education. Id rather my dcs were "taught" by a sensitive professional than by their friends or youtubers...

[Destinysdaughter]

I think when there's so much porn online it's actually really important for children to be taught about this in a healthy and sensitive way rather than the appalling stuff that is just a few clicks away. It's a different world from when we were growing up.

[PartyFants]

Thanks for the responses. Yes I am worried about what he'll hear off other kids, I'm even more worried he'll google it

[JenLindley]

If you're not scared of him finding out then why are you throwing words like innocent and sweet around like he is going to lose that if he knows about sex? You're scared of him knowing whether you want to admit it or not.

[Nicknamegrief]

How do you tell someone what orAl sex is without saying how you do it?! I may just be being stupid but I'm not sure how you would.

Anyway. Hope this helps www.theschoolrun.com/primary-school-sex-education

[bloodyteenagers]

I was asked how I could be so explicit in delivering sex education.
The parent in question wanted the crap about the stork delivering the baby and all that shite. And when she found out we would be learning about periods, she started on about how it's all too explicit. They don't need to know that, why do they need to know about any changes and wet dreams. And the girls really didn't need to know that it's normal for them to also have dreams.
We covered the basics that were age appropriate such as periods, wet dreams, how a baby is made, safe touch, changes to the body, respect etc. Also about relationships and it's fine to say no. The lessons span over a long period of time as part of pshe. We don't just get them into a room and tell them everything in one afternoon.

The school as well should also outline what they are teaching, and show you content if you ask. When we move onto the periods, changes, dreams, babies, etc we send information out to parents so they know what is coming, and some advice.

[ScarlettDarling]

I'm a primary teacher and oral sex has never been covered in our sex ed lessons! Or in the primary that my own dc attend!

Sex ed in primary which I've witnessed has been about puberty and how bodies change, the basic mechanics of sex etc. But speak to the school if you're concerned.

[hownottofuckup]

And anal sex too according to my friend Google the mind boggles!!
But as pp mentioned best they hear it from a source such as their teacher.
Still find it a bit icky tbh. My pfb will know about anal and oral sex aged 10! Ah well.

[Anchovies12]

Examples of year 7 questions i had in the anonymous question box last year:

Why do women enjoy anal sex?
What does each person do in a threesome?
How old should you have started shaving your pubes by? ()

Ive got to be honest i often "run out of time" to answer them all.

Just to give you an idea what your dc will be exposed to in the next couple of years

[midcenturymodern]

Do they really cover oral sex? That does seem a little unnecessary. Masturbation, contraception, DTD all sounds good to cover but oral sex? It's very enjoyable but I didn't know it was something they covered with 10 and 11 yr olds! Does anyone know why?

Presumably because it's very common. I'm elderly but both oral and anal sex were considered a way that us (Catholic) school girls could maintain our precious viginity. I remember reading that the 'I did not have sex with that women' claim of Bill Clinton lead to a similar oral sex isn't sex so you may as well suck me off 'problem' in the US at the time.

[PartyFants]

Am I not allowed to say my just 9 year old is innocent and sweet? He is. He has asd, he's the youngest in his year, his mindset is a lot younger than his friends, he's all about minecraft, soft toys and sweets. He won't be a lesser person in my eyes when he learns, hence why I've bought the books and intend to talk to him myself, I just want him to learn at a pace he can cope with.

I'm sure we didn't learn about oral sex in primary, it was just periods, conception, did, wet dreams. It's all obviously changed so much. Deep breath!

[MapleandPear]

At our school they watch a video about it (among other things) in Y5 or Y6 and parents are invited to come in and view it first if they have any concerns.

I really started answering sex ed questions on a basic level about this from DD1 when she was 3. "How did the baby get in your tummy?" When she was 7 I bought her an age appropriate book in case she started her periods at 8. She didn't but I think she knew about most basic stuff before Y5 or Y6. Good idea to inform them before the rumours and confusion start, IMO.

[TwentyCups]

I first saw porn on a mobile phone in the playground when I was 12. I didn't know what a blow job was until then.
I learned about Anal sex when a classmate told me she wanted to do it because she didn't want to lose her virginity.

I wish I had learned about these things in a lesson instead, as far as I know schools try to Instill the idea that these are things done in loving relationships.

As far as contraception goes I have learnt a lot on MN! As a young teenager I thought condoms or the pill were the only way to go. My mum didn't tell me any different.

I was pregnant at 18, after having unprotected sex (regularly) with multiple partners. I had chlamidya at 19. I wish both those things had never happened. I think if i had been taught more about sex at a much younger age I might have avoided both of them. As it was, I had had sex with lots of men before learning about Stis, and the best way to avoid being pregnant.

[ItchyAnkles]

I really don't see innocence as a lack of knowledge and experience, but as a lack of shame. It's highly likely that oral sex has been discussed in the playground already. At least in sex-ed your ds will get the facts about it rather than some wild exaggerated and little understood account from a peer. That's if the school even include oral sex in the classes.

[JenLindley]

I have a friend whose DD is 11 and she hasn't even told her about periods! I asked why (and barely hid my shock) and she said she didn't want her finding out about all that stuff, she was too young! I don't know about her or her older daughter but I started mine when I had just turned 12 and I know some girls who started age 10! This poor girl is going to have a heart attack some day when she starts her period and has no idea what it is. It actually makes me angry all these people refusing to educate their DCs properly because it's about sex and they're embarrassed or prudish or whatever. They're doing their DCs no favours at all.

[JenLindley]

Am I not allowed to say my just 9 year old is innocent and sweet?

Of course you are, but why would you say it as though it is relevant to this topic, as an objection to him learning about sex?

[bloodyteenagers]

In primary, if the child mentions oral or anal, we will very, very briefly mention something and steer the conversation back to the original content. Afterwards, we will talk with the student(s) who mentioned it to find out more.
It's naive to say these kids never mention these, because some do. They have older siblings. They are on games listening to chat. They hear it mentioned and are curious. And kids being kids, some the more they see it embarrasses you or whatever, the more they want to mention it.

[PartyFants]

Thanks to everyone and in particular to the teachers on the thread for your responses. It's both interesting and terrifying!

[MapleandPear]

I knew about oral sex in Y6 as I remember being horrified by it.

Sadly I think, while there was a lot of boasting, that a couple of girls in my class had actually had sex with their (much older) boyfriends by then. Horrible, when I think about it now. This was in the 80s.

[LaurieFairyCake]

They learn about oral and anal sex as part of safeguarding so they don't get groomed into thinking these activities are NOT sex.

If we only focus on penis and vagina sex it just creates ignorance ( and 10 year girls doing it to please their 'boyfriend' as the boyfriend told them it wasn't sex - which is what happened in one school I know of)

It's all part of bodily autonomy

[JenLindley]

But why is it terrifying?

[midcenturymodern]

I haven't had any sex education at all and I remember in Y6 a girls getting a nosebleed and someone said 'her period is coming out the wrong hole' and everyone laughed. I had no idea what they were talking about but from the laughter I knew is was something taboo. I felt really embarrassed and laughed along with everyone else. I had rather a steep learning curve.

[bloodyteenagers]

The stuff they teach him, like everything else should be differentiated, and additional support hopefully offered.
My eldest still doesn't get it and he's in his 20's. He's still convinced that babies come out of your bum. He sat in the lessons, and didn't really pay any attention. He has younger siblings. Friends have had babies. He still retains his innocence.

[Coffeethrowtrampbitch]

My school send a leaflet home with kids advising their parents which topics will be covered in their sex ed lesson.

I don't know what they teach as all ds's friend's big sister would tell me was that it was really embarrassing!

It might be an idea to suggest your school does similar, that way parents will be prepared for their child's level of knowledge and can answer any other questions they might have

[AliceInUnderpants]

My 11 year old did a brief stint of sex ed last school year (p6). She also has ASD and I was concerned so chatted with her about some of it beforehand so she wasn't ambushed. She's taken it all with great maturity and in her stride.

This book may be of interest www.amazon.co.uk/Whats-Happening-Tom-conditions-Sexuality/dp/1849055238/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=EV80RHNTKS5Q3SM51EV7&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21