Talk to me about a nurturing school environment

[childhood]

DD(5) has been through 1 year of Reception at a private school.

Over the year, DD has become very withdrawn and sad and her confidence has suffered enormously. Any task is met with : I don't think I can do it and often she talks of her fellow classmates being able to do this and that. I try hard to influence her by asking her not to compare herself with others etc., but inevitably, school experience seems to sabotage my efforts.

During the end-of-the-year 1-1, her class teacher implored me to consider "genetic intelligence" being a factor in each child's attainments and that they have to group children to facilitate better teaching. I wanted to leave the room and walk away when I heard the term "genetic intelligence" used while discussing education for 4 year olds.

The school does implicit and explicit performance calibration and group them on their supposed attainment levels (which stays the same for the year). I feel doing this at 4 is not the right approach to primary education. At least, it is not the kind of primary education I want for my child.

So, what are my options?

Home-schooling isn't an option that I can do.
We are in West midlands. The nearest Steiner and Montessori schools are far out. What else can I consider?

We are paying nearly 1000 quid per month for this school and are foregoing a lot to be able to afford it. The class size is 20. The price tag goes with supposed "faciltiies" like on-site swimming pool. We sought none of it; all we wanted was a school which will nurture her as an individual to be a positive, happy child. And it has not turned out to be one.

I am aware that children have to eventually face up to the real world where comparisons and performance calibration will exist. But, I feel that they should face it when they have developed the emotional maturity to process it. Not at 4 yrs

Find out which state schools have spaces at Y1 and go and look at them. Even just the outside. Make an appointment to visit on the first day of next term (or just turn up for a look around). You'll get a feel of the schools and I'd advise you to trust your instincts. Forget about league tables etc. If your child feels happy and supported at school she'll thrive whatever the OFSTED crap says.

Presumably as a class teacher she isn't qualified to assess for 'intelligence.'

The school sounds diabolical. They are either trying to impress fee-paying parents by trying to blind them with science or they are hot-housing children academically at a stage when they should be learning through play in a very flexible, positive environment. Or both.
Please look at state primaries - my children found their's to be very nurturing and able to adapt to individual needs.

Maybe the op daughter doesn't need "interventions". Unless ofcourse the teaching has been so dire she is behind state school children.

In the worst senario that the op daughter is taken out for intervention work she won't miss the same lesson each week or she might just miss assembly or be given help after school. Extra TA support is not an act of cruelty. My son had 20 minutes of one to one help a day in year 1 to help with hand writing. At the age of 14 none of his teachers knows.

I suggest the op gives notice to the school as soon as possible and look for a different school. I am sure that there are better primaries out there in both the state and private sector.

No, we don't know if the OP's DD would need intervention- that is why I used the words if and might.

All I am doing is countering the view expounded here that every state school is a gentle, free-range, happy-go-lucky home from home so OP should just pop her DD in the nearest one and all will be sorted. That is increasingly not the reality.

"every state school is a gentle, free-range, happy-go-lucky home from home so OP should just pop her DD in the nearest one and all will be sorted. That is increasingly not the reality."

Surely there is a happy medium between a stressful hothouse and a hippy alternative school/ home education. State schools have a more rigorous inspection system. There is information on parent view.

No one has said that all state schools are good or that there aren't any good private schools. Certainly the op would need to visit any potential schools.

Sounds awful. So far removed from our experience in state school and that of friends. Get out and find a decent local state alternative, spend the cash on lots of fun extra curricular stuff. Let her be 5 get out fast

Sounds awful and damaging. Where in brum are you?

"Genetic intelligence"??!!

Your feeling of wanting to leave the room and walk out is the correct one. The line between education and intelligence is not a hard and fast one, as anyone in any form of education should be able to tell you. Talk of genetics is ludicrous - think of the equivalent treatment for skin colour! Your child has clearly been specially chosen by this excuse for a teacher to become a failure. At age 5. It would be bad enough at any age, but just as she begins education is appalling.

I'd complain over this teacher's head and see if the head backs her up, but more than that, just go back to the state sector. It is easily the equal of these kind of elitist orivate schools in principle, though you will have to find the one that suits her in practice. I hope you find somewhere that will give her the confidence to overcome this first experience.

It's tactless to use the term "genetic intelligence", but it's nativity to think that all five year olds are the same when it comes to learning. However age and environment makes a huge difference. A decent reception teacher should make differentiation discrete. The child should have no idea that they are learning and be convinced it's just play. If a child feels a sense of failure then it unlikely to be child initiated learning.

Is the op daughter summer born?

Look- she was telling the OP that they themselves were not bright and so this chid is unlikely to be bright.

She was insulting you OP. I imagine that she is now gloating that you didn't get it. Sounds like an awful person.

my dd is below average in attainment. Her confidence and self belief is intact down to her excellent state school. She has just finished in y3 and her teacher did mixed ability groups and is explicit that every child brings something to every group and primary years should be about learning how to work. Her target this year as told to her was solely to become a more independent learner. And that is what she has done. I would suggest you go and look at local schools, private or state that nuture kids and promote their self belief

Hi all,
Thank you so much for your responses.
We have been away and just getting back to MN after nearly a week.

To answer someone's Q, we are in Solihull.

In my OP, my concerns were not as much as my daughter's attainments as it was the school's attitude and approach. At primary level, paying attention to the children is much more important than any fancy on-site facilties like a swimming pool..!! The staff are clearly overstretched..There is one teacher for 20 students and a part-time TA..
No way, that they are going to be able to give any individual attention, which is fine, if you are not paying through your nose!

We had a meeting with the head teacher this morning and now feel all the more compelled to taking her out of the school now.
He had such an arrogant attitude and was in denial of every issue that we raised. He said that when a child has missed school for 10 days (which was true with DD) because of illness, the time they have missed is time gone and they just have to move along with others..
Both DH and I were astonished to hear that. Perhaps he didn't mean it. He was quite defensive ; DD had missed a lot of days and nothing was done to address missed work (which I came to realise only when I got all the work books back at the end of the year and subsequently by talking to her)..Here is a girl who was put at the top end of the top bracket in Feb and who subsequently falls behind and despite me raising a concern, the class teacher ignores it and lo and behold, you realise, wow, they have just forgotten about all the missed lessons and expected her to somehow magically pick up all the new stuff and carry on with the others..

I don't want hot housing; true; but, paying individual attention to my child is what I am shelling out my hard earned money for..! And that attention is to nurture my child for whoever she is and encourage her in whatever she is interested in; not put her in box based on supposed attainments and keep her slotted there for the whole year!!

Considering all options now, including home education.

Thanks everyone again, It matters a lot to me to soundboard my thoughts here

PS: I didn't react much to the "genetic intelligence" bit; at least, it didn't offend me; I have a PhD and 2 masters.

Tbh plenty of decent schools in Solihull in the state sector.

It gets worse. Get out ASAP. 10 days off school in yrR is prob pretty normal with the extra illnesses a lot of DC get when they start school. Reception is not about hot house academic learning and kids should not fall behind. It's about having lots of fun and leaning to be at school with some great play based learning. Loads I know had chicken pox plus a couple of bouts of sickness in reception and no one would bat an eye lid. Phone your LA admissions team and ask where have spaces. Keep an open mind and have a look round school. Explain to the admissions team your situation. They are normally v helpful

A lot at our school also have a few days sickness and then miss at least a weeks school for holidays also. Our HT is relaxed about it. No fines etc. others miss school due to being on TV and other things. Others have time off due to long term illnesses. Ours is a big diverse state school and also one of the top state primary schools in the country for progression and attainment.. We never have home work either in KS1.

The teacher is wrong if she is implying IQ or intelligence is fixed. It can be nutured in the same way any skill can.
It's not that all private schools are wrong for your daughter, or even the school that she is currently at is wrong but the teacher certainly is.

Just wanted to come back here and say thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply. For a whole lot of reasons, we decided not to change schools. We have since had meetings with the school and the new class teacher. And am doing everything at home to help her with her confidence.

In a few years time, this may or may not seem like a big deal. Only time will tell

I wonder if your DD is in the Solihull prep notorious for hothousing.

Hope that she is happier this year.

re: genetic intelligence

Is it a Steiner school or something similar?

oh dear, you poor things. I think it is so difficult, because whichever school anyone chooses for their child it might not work out. No one can be blamed for that. There willbe kids thriving in that environment, and those who do not. I would recommend just trying somewhere else, of any type.
I have a friend / work colleague who was very judgmental about our decision to move ds1 to a prep after 2 terms at a state school. I started avoiding her because she kept bringing up the topic of of how much better state education is etc etc. Her dd is now at an independent school after she didn't settle at her first school. Things happen in life that are unexpected.
My ds' school is quite formal in eyfs/ks1 compared to most state schools. He has found the structure reassuring and helped him immensely. The free flow type envirnoment led to him wandering about, learning nothing and feeling the children in other groups were clever and him stupid. For whatever reason, he finds a small class with lots of structure better! He is happy and seems to be getting along fine, so i am okay with that.
Good luck.