What do you think of this writing?

[user789653241]

Could you give me a honest opinion with this writing by 8 year old?

Alchemist Backnamy

As Baknamy started to pour out onto Dreamworld, Damadamo immediately recognized the place. The floating magic 8 ball! The mountains covered with stairs! The gate with a ladder on it! And most importantly, Dreamhares!

The Dreamhares are experts at making stuff. The easiest thing they can make is a pencil which takes 2 minutes to make and you need a cloth and a penlid. The hardest thing they can make is a diamond because it takes 3 and half days to make and needs 10 of every single gem that exists.

Right now, the Dreamhare under the trampoline is making an Elixir.

Well today was the first day of the year, and every morning during that week starting from the first day of the year they celebrate by doing a special dance called "Harmony of the New Year". There were words in the song.

Every time they do the dance, the Baknamys would come and join. Every time leap year starts, Condos join.

Some Baknamys or Condos or Dreamhares have permission to do what they are doing though.

Eventually the dance finished, Baknamys and Dreamhares started alchemying and synthesizing weapons and armor and other stuff.

Dreamhare looked at his watch. It was 4 pm., 1 hour until they are leaving.
But Dreamweaver, the leader of Dreamhares, and Damadamo, struck up in a conversation and their conversation was 24 hours straight, and Damadamo looked at his watch, again it hadn't changed.

Now dreamweaver said her Diamond that she bought for 40007500*53 window shacker was missing. The truth is, it was somewhere on Dreamworld. Well, if you look under the top of the mountain there it is. The Emerald. She said Diamond, but meant Emerald.If it was a Diamond, it would be like about 9 billion 5 million more window shacker.

Search...search..search...

After 20 minutes of searching, Damadamo and Dreamweaver called an announcement to start searching for Emerald. She, Dreamweaver, that is, said that Emerald have power to summon Emerald weapon which is really strong.

So, search...search...search...
After 40 minutes of searching, still no Emerald.

Search...search..search...
After 3 hours long of searching, again, still no Emerald.

Search..search...FOUND!
For some reason, it was used as a light.

Well, the backnamys were getting ready to leave,

THEY WENT.

THE END.

If you managed this far, thank you! Is this writing acceptable for 8 year old, just finished yr3? His spelling, punctuation are generally good, but not so good at content wise. Teacher's comments always has been "it's boring". And I agree, but what need to change to achieve more creativity?

Thank you, RueDeWakening.
He does read a lot, but really limited range now. (Used to read anything he can put his hands on, but not any more.)

I don't expect him to be professional level, but hope he gets better with age!

If your son is anything like mine he is insisting on reading endless Beastquest and other similar books even though they are all exactly the same. I wish there weren't so many in the series! Luckily mine reads a lot of other books beside. I often choose a book that I think he will like and add it to the library pile, then bulk buy the rest of the series if it is a success. The Book People website is worth keeping an eye on because they often have special offers if you buy the whole series, which work out as £1 a book (I bought the Switch collection of 12 books for £11.99 last year).

Ask the librarian for some guidance. One mine suggested that was a real hit and quite wholesome was Lauren St John's White Giraffe series. The Ottoline graphic novels might be worth investigating. But the one I think is most likely to appeal is Darkmouth by the Irish journalist Shane Heggarty - new out last year and there are now 3 in the series. Very much his genre, but by a real author (unlike the Beast Quest /Star Fighter / Sea Quest books with are written by publishing house employees to a rubric under the fabricated name Max Chase.)

Genevieva, thanks again.
Yes, he does have a huge collection of Beastquest.
It's a good idea to ask librarian. Thank you for suggestion.

I have a DD just finished year 3, they've spent a lot of time on "stimulating starts", "interesting words" and a whole load of other terms. Essentially, different ways to start a sentence e.g. how else could you say "then" or "next", different ways to join sentences , lots of describing words.

For example, if my DD was writing about an emerald, it would be verdant (she particularly likes this word, nothing will ever simply be green again!), sparkling or glistening, as big as a .., filled with magical unicorn flying power.

Could you sit with him and pick out one sentence/paragraph and get him to embellish it? What does the Dream hare look like? Are they good or bad - how does he know? What elixir is being made? What colour is it, what goes into it? What will it do? Ask open questions so he has to describe rather than answer yes or no.

Introduce some speech - this is another area DD class worked on.

Our library had a great idea to put bits of paper in some books - if you like this, try - with other recommended authors. Although I have found books aimed at their age range can be very dull - one started almost every paragraph with "then" so we used it as an example of how to make it better!

Wow, DropZoneOne, it's such a great idea to embellish his sentence!
Thank you.

I am so glad I started the thread, lots of great help.
Thank you again everyone.

The start is very good and creative, but it has an abrupt ending.

roses, totally agree.
When he gets ideas he gets really excited, and start "brain storming" (his words), and start writing a story.
He writes until he gets bored, and says he will finish later. Then he lose interest and just try to make it end. It's a biggest problem with him. He doesn't have patience and stamina when writing.
I just wish he can translate what he talks/thinks about in writing. It seems like thinking speed and writing speed doesn't match up properly.