Late 56 times since September

[TrappedNerve]

Hi , very embarassed to put the title of the thread up.

Dd is in reception and has always been an amazing sleeper, went to afternoon nursery and is generally hard work waking up.

I'm super organised, have everything ready, down to socks and underwear being laid out and I get up around 5.30.

The problem is whatever time I try and get her up it's a nightmare, she cries and says she's tired and I have to physically carry her out of bed in the end.

I have a chronic illness which means I'm in a lot of pain and struggle with this. My ds is 13 and has asd and I have stupidly done way too much for him of a morning, he's completely and utterly reliant on me to dress him etc as he struggles with his uniform but then does PE in school twice a week and manages fine.

So the problem is quite clear, I need to firstly stop doing so much for ds as he's been mollycoddled for so long as was an only child for 8 yrs until I had dd. I accept that is all my fault.

So what can I do for September?
I had a meeting with the head and the attendance officer from the council this week and it was awful, mentioned fines etc but it made me feel like such a bad mum.

When I say 56 lates were usually the ones running through the gate as dd classroom door closes so it's not chronically late but enough to flag up the problem.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far :)

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

It's not as simple as "making the decision" her DS gets himself dressed

[Freshprincess]

Mine don't have gadgets upstairs. If I catch them with them they go away for a week. break the habit now whilst she's so young. Don't give in to the tantrums. Be firm.

As for getting a 13 year old dressed, really? I haven't even tied a tie for either of mine since week 2 of year 7. Tell him he has to start doing it for himself from September and then get him to practice over summer.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Thora, it's clearly stated in the OP that DS has ASD.

[WordGetsAround]

Get rid of the iPad for weekdays. She can have it weekends, but only for 2 hours and not after 5pm. That's what I would do. Life is too short to spend lots of time staring at a screen.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Oops, sorry, cross posts with several others.

[ThoraGruntwhistle]

But if he can get changed for PE, he is capable of doing it, maybe he needs more time in the morning too? If you laid all his clothes out for him and just helped with whichever part he finds most difficult eg tie etc, it might improve gradually.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Freshprincess he has ASD.

"Really? I haven't tied a tie for mine since year 7"

Well mine is 10 and I feed her and wipe her bum.
Would you say "really" to that too?

[ThoraGruntwhistle]

Yes, I have apologised for that, my eye seems to have skipped past that part. No idea why I didn't see it but I'm very sorry.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

She has autism too.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Thora seems you're not the only one.

Or I hope so as otherwise people are reading he has ASD and still making comments about his development.

[Owlytellsmesecrets]

Oh mine is nearly 7 and I still have to change his nappy!!!! The Child has ASD .... It's a spectrum.
If DS manages at school encourage st home... I know it's easier just to do it but he needs these life skills.
Considering DD is NT the she should be able to dress herself too.

Ensure you have a good night routine. iPads and PS4 only an hour per day and not after 6:30. DD is in bed by 7pm and reads her reading book in weekdays and has choice of story at weekends. Lights out 7:30. DD is 5 too.
If she is bed by 7:30 and asleep by 8 you can wake her at 6am and give her enough time to wake up before school.
Fingers crossed for you. New year new routine... Get it in place over the hols... Good luck!

[knaffedoff]

The iPad is a major issue, but then you know this already. The removal of the tv suggests you are aware of the impact of devices vs sleep. I think if you ask any mother, children love ipads / tablets and will happily play without restriction, but you need to be the parent and put place measures to ensure your children can function as well as possible. This means looking at the iPad use around bedtime and encouraging your son to dress himself (you mention he dresses himself when at school). Good luck, it might not be easy, but children rarely are

[BoGrainger]

The good news is that ds gets himself changed for pe. During the holidays would it be practical to start with him putting his underwear on himself and you do everything else and build up from there? Would he respond favourably to your illness preventing you from doing everything for him if you used that as a reason?

With dd I have been there! She even slept in her uniform at one point to save time in the morning! Roll out of bed, propped up having breakfast then dragged to school. By that time she was awake and perky. I also lied and said school was starting earlier. What worked for us in the end was giving a stated time when breakfast would be no longer available and eventually she got herself up and ready in time knowing she would be hungry otherwise. (Cruel mother)

[ThoraGruntwhistle]

Is there such a thing as a time limit setting on an iPad, so that it just doesn't work after 7pm or whatever? She might be better at handing it over without complaint if it just didn't work after a certain time. I don't have one so I don't know if that's a thing, sorry.

[WeAllHaveWings]

What time is she going to bed and getting up? At 5 she should be getting at least 12 hours. So that's bed at 7:30pm if getting up at 7:30am.

In bed for 7pm, reading/quite chat only, no screens and lights out at 7:30pm. If she has been staying up later and reliant on the iPad it will be hard to change but so worth it once done.

When they are at school during the week it feels like you hardly see them when they go to bed so early, but they need their sleep.

[Freshprincess]

Shit! I missed the Asd in the OP and thread moved inbetween me starting my reply and posting. Bugger, I'm an idiot. Ignore me

Apologies for any offence to all.

[SharonfromEON]

My DS wear's polo shirts not shirts as he can't do the buttons up ... Maybe as others said work up slowly.

DD...No i pad upstairs..full stop...I would be concerned why you say DD is addicted to something so you continue to allow her to have it.. Ultimately you are the parent here... As I tell my DS frequently...I am not his best friend I am his mum and the decisions I make are based on what he needs or is best for him and not what I would want to do if I was a 9 year. old boy

Are you been too nice getting her up... if she doesn't move quilt off,Curtains open, windows open...

I would also point out to me she is missing out on 10 important minutes on the playground everyday..!0 minutes where the kids catch up talk about their stuff... If you are as you say a few minutes late 56 times in a year your latest you can leave the house needs to reset.. At our school it is always the same people running through the gate after the bell has gone and mostly the same people their before the gate opens...We all get in our routines

[uhoh1973]

There is a child in DC1's class who is late nearly every day. I feel sorry for the child. Just get it sorted there are no excuses I'm afraid.
At 5 or 6 years old lights should be out by 7 or 7.30 at the latest. Our routine is;
5.30 tea
6.00 TV 20mins in lounge
630 bath
700 reading
730 lights out
DCs usually wake around 7am. If they are tired we bring everything forward 30mins. If they are tired or we are late we skip the bath. Sometimes they prefer to play outside than watch TV.
I hope this helps.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Dd is still no gadgets on a school night and she is 16.

[bakeoffcake]

Don't be so hard in yourself op, you're getting up at 5.30, it's not as if you're a slacker. As others have said, it's just a question of some slight readjustments.

Could you say the iPad has broken today and you've taken it to the shop to be mended? There will be a meltdown but I'm sure she will get over it quickly. If she thinks it's not in the house, she knows she can't have it. You'll see a huge difference in her ability to get up, once she stops using the iPad. Good luck with it!

[SouthWestmom]

Asd is a spectrum though, just because one child needs bottom wiping and dressing doesn't mean all will. So look at what he can do - seems physically he can manage? But needs prompts and reminders? Might be easier to start off small and work up, however that looks like for him.
As for the dd, my ds is exactly the same. Tired because he doesn't sleep, and then won't wake up. We don't have kindles etc until late in rooms but we do have the battle of not wanting to sleep. I've put him into breakfast club - dressed at home, then chucked there for breakfast within a fifteen minute window.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

Agree with others that iPad (or any screen) should be nowhere near your DD close to bedtime. We have a no electronics after diner rule (so 6:30). Also, that working on encouraging self sufficiency in both children will ease you morning.

But, if you are only ever late by a few minutes and you are up by 5:30, this isn't what is preventing you being there on time. You don't have 3 and a half hours to get to school and fail by a tiny bit because there just isn't enough time. It's because you allow the time to be filled by the physical equialent of waffle.

You need to stop thinking you can push the envelope as much as you do because you're obviously wrong about it too often! Think of 5 minutes before the bell as the last time you can possibly get there. Then push them as hard for that deadline as you currently for for the actual bell.

If it helps, think of an incentive (for you) that might encourage better time keeping. Maybe you get sit down with a tea and biscuit, watch a favourite show, have a cigarette, put a pound in a savings jar, etc. every time you manage it. Or you lose something when you fail. Whatever would actually be effective. I also think the setting all clocks etc. forward by 5 minutes can help too, even when you know they're forward it seems to help in keeping you from going those few minutes over.

Good luck.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

That wasn't my point nouef.

My whole point was that it does affect these things and so it's wrong for people with NT kids to roll their eyes and say "really" and say how early their NT children did things.

If you read my other posts I agreed visual timetables might help also maybe professional input, I didn't say he couldn't in any way.

[BusStopBetty]

She's said he dresses himself without support for pe so he can do it. Maybe a visual get ready chart would help? You can laminate one (if you can borrow one?) to make a wipe clean chart so he can tick things off as he does them. I'm going to make one for dc.

And I second no screen time after bath time. Bath, pjs, story, bed. You could use a marble jar or similar so she can earn points (or have them taken away if she gets up). It will be tricky for a few nights, but the rewards will be worth it. Rushed, shouty mornings are awful.