Late 56 times since September

[TrappedNerve]

Hi , very embarassed to put the title of the thread up.

Dd is in reception and has always been an amazing sleeper, went to afternoon nursery and is generally hard work waking up.

I'm super organised, have everything ready, down to socks and underwear being laid out and I get up around 5.30.

The problem is whatever time I try and get her up it's a nightmare, she cries and says she's tired and I have to physically carry her out of bed in the end.

I have a chronic illness which means I'm in a lot of pain and struggle with this. My ds is 13 and has asd and I have stupidly done way too much for him of a morning, he's completely and utterly reliant on me to dress him etc as he struggles with his uniform but then does PE in school twice a week and manages fine.

So the problem is quite clear, I need to firstly stop doing so much for ds as he's been mollycoddled for so long as was an only child for 8 yrs until I had dd. I accept that is all my fault.

So what can I do for September?
I had a meeting with the head and the attendance officer from the council this week and it was awful, mentioned fines etc but it made me feel like such a bad mum.

When I say 56 lates were usually the ones running through the gate as dd classroom door closes so it's not chronically late but enough to flag up the problem.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far :)

[MrsHathaway]

Agree with Art about sleep patterns. If you don't need the child to get up at 7 (eg a quick dresser who lives five minutes from school) then bed time can be later to fit with their natural sleep patterns.

None of mine has ever needed much sleep so I've been aware of the guidelines and ranges for a long time. My 8yo needs 10h15 according to that link; at the moment that's typically 21.15-07.30.

I think the back cycling (just shoes, then just socks and shoes, then jumper, socks and shoes, etc) sounds ideal for the older child as it helps his day get gradually easier.

We have very strict controls built into our tablet and indeed our router; and we've certainly found that the children are far more accepting when the machine says time is up than when I say so Good habits have to start early.

[user789653241]

I started thread about length of sleep once. There were surprisingly many children who sleep less than normal. They all seems to turn out to be ok.
But I wish my ds slept more adequately. He sleeps waaay less than art's link.

[Artandco]

Pax- here you go . So between 10 hrs 45 mins, and 10 hrs 30 for his age. Therefore 9pm-7.30am is perfectly adaquate

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Childrenssleep/Pages/howmuchsleep.aspx

[paxamdays]

Art you've enlightened me! I've been fretting for a while, my DS 6 (7 next month) is NEVER asleep before 9 and wakes up between 7:30 and 8. I thought he wasn't getting enough sleep but going by what you've said he must be just fine.

[Ditsy4]

Lay out his clothes in order and take photos then make a chart. Stickers for achieving then stickers for achieving in a given time.
DD I agree IPad banned after tea. It has been proven it overstimulates the brain.
Bed time ready for sleep by 7:30. I had a hard job getting my daughter up in the mornings. I'm a morning person she isn't. Sons were up .
In class it is irritating to have kids walking in late. Ours seem to dribble in so you are start stop all the time.

[user789653241]

wakes up early

[user789653241]

AndNow, my ds never went to bed before 9, even before starting school.
Still wakes early and never needed a nap during the day either.
Some children don't need so much sleep, I think. (though I started to worry a bit after hearing link between less sleep and early dementia.)

[Artandco]

And - why not? They get 11 hrs sleep which is the guidelines. They sleep 9pm-8am.

They are in Greece with grandparents atm. Where bedtime is around 11pm, and they wake at 10am. Then have a 3 hr siesta later. So actually get around 14 hrs sleep despite the later nights

Many friends sleep 7pm-5am so get far less.

[Cleo1303]

Good luck, OP

You may have some tantrums over the iPad but hold firm.

Well done putting the bed together in 10 hours - I am so hopeless at anything like that I'd still be doing it!

[AndNowItsSeven]

Art 9pm really isn't an appropriate bed time for a reception age child.

[Artandco]

A 5 year old doesn't actually need 12 hrs sleep. The whole 7pm-7am was made up by Gina ford.

The NHS says

5 years old -11 hrs
6 years old- 10hrs 45mins

So a child could still happily go to bed at 8.30pm and wake 7.30am for school, and get all the recommended hours of sleep in.

7pm bedtime is unrealistic for many as many people only just home and eating then.

The iPad is defiantley the issue here. Now you have reduced the time, you have 6 weeks to see if she settles quicker.

I have a child just finished reception. He goes to bed at 9pm, is asleep by 9.05pm. Wakes 8am.
I also have a child just finish year 1. If we had 7pm it would be a huge rush to finish both home works with them if they had to be getting ready for bed by 6.30pm, so maybe bare that in mind.

[SharonfromEON]

Can I say Well done OP..We all as parents we sometimes have to step back and figure out how to make what isn't working work...You have done that...So long as you take another look and make sure it is working then you have done all that is expected...It is a shame the school didn't speak to you earlier...

[TrappedNerve]

Thank you all so much for your input and advice.

Dd has an amazing new camper van bed with a desk for homework and seating area for reading.
It only took 10 hours to assemble yesterday!
She has been told of the new rules, iPad restricted to half an hour per day and reading and homework to be done before anything else.

After taking a closer look at my routine i have realised I need to make some changes. It's hard to admit your failings but am so determined for things to be different come September and both dc break up this week and I'm imposing more structure, routine and rules.

Dd got her report on Friday, it was excellent apart from lates so it's something that has been given as a target for year one.

I think acknowledging mistakes and trying to rectify them is the way to go.
I've been really hard on myself these last few days but am feeling much more positive!

Sorry for essay, I never thought an iPad could cause so much trouble :(

[paxamdays]

Get rid of the iPad! My DS 6 now only gets to play on it at the weekend and he has one full charge, when the battery goes it's away until the next weekend (it's played on intermittently over the weekend, not constant until the battery goes!)

Before this he played on it whenever and his behaviour and attention became terrible so it had to go!

[Cleo1303]

I agree with you, Hetero. DD used a shared laptop in the sitting room until she was 11 - 30 minutes a day during the week and an hour at the weekends. She got an iPod for her 11th birthday and her first basic £10 phone when she started secondary school. The only thing she had prior to that was a Nintendo DS.

I just find it astonishing that five year olds are given iPads and allowed unlimited time on them. It's bad for their eyes and it's bad for their brains.

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

I'm another person who is wondering what time bedtime is as did sounds overtired. 56 lates is almost one and a half a week (3 times in two weeks) as school is about 38 weeks a year, which is a lot.
I'd review bedtime and the bedtime routine and tablet use.

[lougle]

With the getting dressed, I think back-chaining would work best for your DS. So you do everything except socks and shoes. Then do everything except socks, shoes and jumper. And so on, until he's doing everything himself.

[LiveLifeWithPassion]

My kids don't have tablets or gaming in the week as they easily become addicted to screen time.
Youll have a few days of tears but set up activities for your dd so she has something to do and she'll get used to it.

I've got a friend who's a teacher and she says you always know the kids who have too much iPad and Xbox time. They're usually tired and have poor concentration.

[icklekid]

Slightly different tact...take ipad away at night but if shes ready for school in time she can watch 1 craft tutorial before you have to leave? You would have to be strict to just one so your not late though obviously! Definitely worth investing over summer in ds getting himself dressed when there isn't the time pressure.

At my school we have lateness issues- doors are open for 10mins so have a window for parents to arrive/drop off. I will always remember conversation with parent who was adamant if we could just leave open for 5 more minutes her ds would never be late. I tried to suggest she work on start of school day being when doors open not shut then they would have 10mins leave way but she really couldn't get her head around it...

[nonicknameseemsavailable]

I am amazed the school has only just raised it with you to be honest but that is beside the point.

We have no gadgets in bedrooms, a CD player to listen to calming music or story CDs but nothing else. I have one who doesn't need sleep so she goes to bed later but she has to be in her room and quiet/relaxing from 8 (she is 8) and one a bit younger who needs more sleep so settles down earlier.

we allow TV, tablet or whatever downstairs until 7 and then upstairs, bath, stories, reading their reading book, if not as many stories then colouring or whatever in their rooms or a bit of playing and then bed.

Draw up a little timetable for bedtime and a timetable for the morning, get her to decorate it with stickers and start being really firm with her.

[twinkle1010]

I had lots of success with changing the time on the ipad to a later one when my DD was younger. For example, it would say 7pm instead of 6 I would then pretend I was being extra kind by offering to let her stay up 'later' and read (either with me or by herself) She ended up being tricked into going to bed at the right time, nice and chilled after reading.

[ChameleonCircuit]

There's an app called OurPact that (I think) simply stops the iPad working once a set limit is reached. Alternatively you just take it away and ignore the eruption. (Said sympathetically as the parent of an iPad lover)

[Autumnsky]

OP, I would suggest you set a clear time that you have to get out of the house and go when the time is there no matter what you haven't finished. And plan the time that you DD have to get up, then wake her 5 or 10 minutes earlier, make sure she is awaken, let her stay on bed for a few minutes and then call her up finally. For some children, they always feel tired before they get up and move around. My DS2 always want extra 5 minutes to stay on bed( I am the same myself, I used to have 2 alarm o'clock set up). I just wake him up and talk to him and then leave him. And then get him up firmly.

[smellyboot]

I also dragged my Dd into school in pjs once. She was 4 and in nursery at school, but she never did it again

[smellyboot]

All 5 year olds are addicted to iPads if you let them have them.. My 5 and 7 year olds are. Once they get them, they have to be extracted by force. Causes endless arguments. That is normal.
Mine have no screens after 6.30pm and only have it in morning once fully up, dressed, teeth brushed, shoes on and waiting to leave for breakfast club. That can be 30 mins or 5. If they argue when leaving they loose it the next day. Everyone I know has same issues with iPads and tablets. Rules rules rules needed. Useful to enertain them when needed, but a fight to get back off them.
I can't comment on DS as I don't have a child with ASD so can't claim to understand - but he needs to learn to dress himself I would have thought?