Bullying

[user1466421849]

Hi, I am new to mumsnet and would like some advice about bullying. my daughter is 7, quiet and getting some grief from some of her peers. She has been reluctant on a few occasions to go to school, and I am not sure what to do, I have an appointment with her teacher tomorro to dicuss it, but what advice do I give her? Kids can be mean, but that won't help to tell her. I don't want her to become isolated, I don't want her to become mean in retaliation and I don't want her to be violent. I want to help but I'm not sure how?

She should not have to feel responsible for protecting herself. The school should make her feel safe and cared for. Kids can't stop someone from bullying them, especially when they have already lost confidence because they were bullied. I do think it helps to be strong, not to let the bullies see they are upsetting you, and sometimes to fight back, if you can do it in the right way and at the right time. No one who has been bullied is feeling at their strongest and that's why the teacher has to take charge of this situation.

When my son was bullied, his teacher wanted to know specifics of what had happened, and he had a very clear talk with the ringleader bully, showing him exactly how mean he was being. I don't think general talks to the class or talking to the bully and the bullied together are necessarily helpful.

It is great that she is talking to you; make sure you take her seriously, but don't over react or get visibly upset yourself. I think it is very important to emphasise to your daughter that it is not her fault she is bullied. One of the saddest things my son said was: "There must be something wrong with me or they wouldn't hate me so much."

thankyou

Maybe ask HQ to move this to one of the primary education topics? You will probably get more advice there.

how do i do that?

I did it for you, and asked for it to be moved to primary ed, or possibly bullying topic itself.

Def keep on at the school though!

A couple of years ago, worry about the bullying of my own DS prompted me to post on Mumsnet for the first time too. I can really understand where you are coming from.

I think Claraschu has given you good advice already. The best way forward would be for the teacher to tell the perpetrators directly and unambiguously that their behaviour is unacceptable.

In addition, I’d just like to suggest the possibility of helping your DD to cultivate friendships out of school as well. I know this was helpful to my DS when it seemed like his whole class was spurning him.

Sometimes, if not checked, a class can become very hierarchical, with the more dominant characters creating an in-crowd, so it’s good that you are going to talk to the teacher about the situation before the unfriendliness becomes a too deeply ingrained habit.

The main thing is to let your DD know that she is fine. There is nothing wrong with being on the quiet – or gentle – side. We need more people like that in our society!

for you and your DD!

Hi there OP, we're moving this thread over to our Primary Education topic - we're sure you'll get plenty more good advice there.

Sorry no advice myself, but bumping for evening MNetters.
Hope it gets sorted out.

I am not sure why you aren't getting lots of advice, OP, as sometimes threads like this will have quite a few responses. You might do an advanced search on bullying and I am sure you will find many helpful older threads. How did the meeting with the teacher go?

Don't forget you should be able to access the school's anti-bullying policy via their website. Hope meeting with teacher went well.