Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Would you go with the teacher on this?

49 replies

Buttercup9 · 20/05/2016 17:05

Dd and her best friend are 6 and they have always been "lively" together, even 2 yeas ago at pre school they were always getting into mischief, and as it was the feeder for the local primary the key worker there recommended to the teachers that they be put in different classes for reception. The school is a pretty strict c of e school with outstanding ofsted rating and make it clear to parents they have v high standards and expectations of the children and don't take any messing around, I was a bit shocked by this considering they were only 4 year olds...

So anyway, they were put in different classes in reception which they both found hard for ages, but both made new friends and settled and still saw each other at break times, plus we carried on with play dates outside of school and I get on well with the other girl's mum so we got quite close over the year. We then asked for the girls to be put back together for year 1 this year and they were, but they soon got back into their mischievous ways and have been constantly told off for silly things like chatting at quiet time, silly behaviour and generally messing about. Now their teacher has approached me and the other parents separately and recommended the girls are split up once again for year 2 in September, and the girls are devestated. Their behaviour has improved recently with the threat of being split up, and it's never been unkind to others, just silly messing about wth each other, I can appreciate it must be annoying and hard work for the teacher and she obviously has their best learning interests at heart, but she's not taking their bond and close friendship into account and the emotional and social aspects of being split up. She is young and doesn't have children herself yet, so she doesn't really know what it's like to cope with the emotional impact it will have on the girls.

Would you go with the teacher on this and agree to them being split up? I can't help feeling they are still so young, surely thy will grow out of it soon? It's just silly things like chatting and giggling, pulling faces, but the school has such high expectations that I worry are unrealistic at 6? I know the teacher puts their learning and discipline / behaviour in school first, but can it be balanced with their emotional / social needs as well? What would you do if it was your 6 year old?

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 20/05/2016 19:19

This is being put to you as a choice?

clam · 20/05/2016 19:19

I have children of my own and I'm afraid that "the emotional impact" (if, indeed, there is one) of being split would come way down the list behind the benefits to the classes as a whole.

AngieBolen · 20/05/2016 19:20

I can appreciate it must be annoying and hard work for the teacher and she obviously has their best learning interests at heart

But you don't really care about this, or the impact on the other 28 DC in the class. You just want them to have a laugh, even when they are 7, 8 , 9, & 10. If they survived reception in different classes, they will survive Y2 in different classes. And probably be a lot more liked by the teacher because they aren't being constantly disruptive.

Coconutty · 20/05/2016 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rollonthesummer · 20/05/2016 19:21

I can't believe you went to speak to the school last year to ask them to be put back together!!

The teachers have been very courteous giving you advance warning of the plan. Even if you scream and shout about it-they will stay apart as they clearly aren't in the best place to learn even they are in the same class. Do you really imagine if you say, 'no', that the teachers will change their decision?!

PurpleDaisies · 20/05/2016 19:21

This is being put to you as a choice?

I suspect it'll be a "choice" in so far as if the parents choose split that's fine, if not they'll be split up anyway.

clam · 20/05/2016 19:23

PurpleDaisies

Letseatgrandma · 20/05/2016 19:24

can appreciate it must be annoying and hard work for the teacher and she obviously has their best learning interests at heart, but she's not taking their bond and close friendship into account and the emotional and social aspects of being split up

What a load of cr*p!!

greenfolder · 20/05/2016 19:26

I doubt they will really grow out of it! They obviously make each other laugh and no doubt enjoy it. Let them do this in the playground.

Leeds2 · 20/05/2016 19:28

I think if it were my child I would be asking the teacher to slit them up. Really disruptive behaviour to the other children in the class, and possibly hampering the girls' learning if they aren't listening.

I would be very surprised if they gave you an actual choice anyway, as I suspect they have already made their minds up. It may also be that other parents have complained about their behaviour.

NotCitrus · 20/05/2016 19:55

I'd give my kid a big shrug and say "that's what happens when you muck about". Which I have said a few times to ds who is generally well behaved but a bit prone to being distracted by chatty best mate. So far they've only been briefly moved to separate tables.

VimFuego101 · 20/05/2016 20:14

Exactly, NotCitrus. I expect there have been several warnings before it got to this (not to mention the previous year where they were separated).

lougle · 20/05/2016 20:33

I'll eat my hat if you have a choice. DD3 had a friend who she got into trouble with in year R. They were split in year 1. The writing was on the wall from about the beginning of the spring term, tbh.

I have always told my children that good friends are people who help you to be the best you can be. Whilst this girl is one of DD3's favourite people, and despite going to different schools now they still have a huge bond whenever they are together, they are simply not good for each other in class.

Class is for learning.

Original poster

Buttercup9 · 21/05/2016 15:51

Fair enough I take it all back about dd's emotions, can't believe what an idiot I've been! Times like this I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing as a parent, I'm prone to being a soft touch with dd because of her physical SN, it's a guilt thing I suppose. She's a very strong personality and I'm not, maybe we need some specialist help, well maybe I do, I feel totally lacking as a mother and clueless right now but after reading all your responses I will speak to the other mum and teacher and agree with her yes they need to be split up. I don't think I worded my original post very well, I feel stupid for not saying from the outset their learning comes above anything emotional.

They were put together this year because they were all asked at the end of reception last summer to name a friend each child would like to be in a class with in year 1, they named each other so me and the other mum asked their year r teachers if that was ok and they agreed, at that point they hadn't been in a class together at school at all so there had been no messing about at school. Before that is was the pre school key worker for them both that said about them being lively together (her words not mine) when they were 3 and 4, so she recommended them and several others at pre school be put in seaperate classes for school because they were "lively" together or in a group, or some children didn't get on. It's a very very strict school and the pre school is the main feeder, a lot of pre school parents at the time thought it was a bit harsh because some best friends were starting school being split up whereas others weren't and that they were only 4, some of them were still 3 so incredibly young. A lot of behaviour young children go through phases with and do grow out of, I don't know many pre schoolers who are always well behaved.

Year 1 they have been together for the first time at school and messed about, so the teacher has recommended they go in separate classes for year 2 and it's the same scenario as last year in reception, the children have been asked to name a friend to go into year 2 class with, and they've named each other. I suppose I was thinking how come two boys in their class who are always physically fighting and hurting others, including girls, are being allowed to name each other and go into year 2 together but not the girls who giggle and chat, that's why I mentioned what they get told off for isn't unkind in comparison if that sounded weird. But I guess it's because what the boys do is in the playground so not disrupting the classroom.

I kept thinking they are still only 6, and just turned 6 in my dd's case, in year 1 they still seem so little and you hope they will grow out of things like giggling and whispering but as a first time mum I must have been naive about this. Thank you for giving me a reality check,

OP posts:

1AngelicFruitCake · 21/05/2016 15:58

Can't believe you commented on her not having children
She is a trained professional, who will have a better insight into the impact they are having on their own work than you do.

What will happen if they are put together now and split up at high school? They need to learn to have other friends too and that school is to develop social skills (with other children) and to learn. You seem to be minimising their behaviour. If they came home and told you two children were constantly messing and that it meant they couldn't concentrate, I bet you'd be annoyed if you complained and the teacher said 'But the parents want THEM to be happy so the rest of the children will just have to put up with it!'

1AngelicFruitCake · 21/05/2016 16:00

Sorry, just seen your reply and think it's great you've taken things onboard. It's hard to imagine how these incidents would actually impact on everyone else and I think it's great that you can now see that.

Pythonesque · 21/05/2016 16:20

When you need to speak with your daughter about it, instead of focussing on "you mucked about in class so you're being split up" or anything that implies fault, try to suggest that "it's easier for you to concentrate on your work if you're in different classes" or something like that - reframe it and keep things positive if you can. Should work out well, good luck.

MrsMushrooms · 21/05/2016 18:15

I think you're being really harsh on yourself, OP! It's so easy to get caught up on wanting your DC to feel good that it's no wonder you had a bit of tunnel vision. You've obviously taken on board what everyone's said and I think you sound like a great mum - someone who clearly wants their daughter to be very happy but is also able to step back and recognise that you were maybe on the wrong side on this one.

Original poster

Buttercup9 · 21/05/2016 19:28

Thank you MrsMushrooms that means a lot, I had an EA unstable mother so am guilty of always trying to put dd's feelings and emotions first so she never feels like I did as a child, need to try and strike the right balance more. Thanks for everyone's replies I'm going to slink off now x

OP posts:

apple1992 · 21/05/2016 19:36

She is young and doesn't have children herself yet, so she doesn't really know what it's like to cope with the emotional impact it will have on the girls.
I think this is pretty irrelevant.

Her judgement sounds right. Your dd is disruptive and they need to resolve the issue sharpish before it impacts further on other children. I'd consider it good natured that they're waiting until September.

apple1992 · 21/05/2016 19:38

Didn't see the second page and just read your last two posts. Don't beat yourself up

AuntieStella · 21/05/2016 19:57

I think the only error that the school made was asking each child to nominate only one friend to stay with ahead of a reshuffle.

IIRC ours used to ask them to nominate 3, and they promised that the pupil would be with at least one of them. That means that over-intense or disruptive friendships can be kept to non-lesson times.

There shouldn't be an enduring emotional fall out, as you have the example of reception year to fall back on, and you'll be able to keep reminding them that it was fine before and they can still be great friends at play times, after school, and at the weekends and in holidays.

And it also brings the benefits that the teachers won't have to be dealing with the constant low level disruption in the classroom, which brings benefits to all the pupils in it.

bojorojo · 22/05/2016 12:22

I agree the school should have asked the children to nominate at least 2 friends for next year. One friend does allow for difficulties like this to arise. Your DD has the opportunity to see her friend after school and at weekends. It is not sepration for life, just a few hours when learning takes place.

It is also fair to say, that your DD needs to make other friends. If this single friend moves away, how will your DD feel then? Lots of children with a solitary friend find this separation like a bereavement and are very upset. It may also be that when she matures a bit, being silly will not be so attractive and she may find other children more engaging.

I also know parents who have been very keen on their child to stay with another child and become very upset when the school thinks differently. There is no lasting damage so really do not worry. I do agree with you, OP, that the boys should be split up too. However, just concentrate on your DD and leave the school to sort out the boys.

LeonoraFlorence · 22/05/2016 12:26

Sounds like low level things which, combined with everything else, can make it very difficult to teach 25 six year olds. As a teacher speaking, it's in the best interests of all children to split them up. Putting them back together for year one was a mistake, it seems unfair to do that after they had coped well individually.

Flip

1 2