Please remind me of all the reasons it doesn't matter what reading level she's on...

[FrecklyEthel]

Oh god, I just need some perspective...

She's fine, I know she is (DD2), and they're obsessed with the phonics test in which she's getting extra help, but again she's come out and her best friend has moved up and she hasn't and it's making her hate reading no matter how many times we say it doesn't matter.

I've spoken to the teacher who says shes struggling, I've spoken to the head who says not to worry and any moment she'll 'take off'. But my otherwise bright, confident, savvy six year old thinks she's 'stupid' (her words) because her books have a different coloured sticker... Sigh...

One might have imagined that school could teach children that they are all different and encourage them in their interests rather than forcing them to all do the same thing and then telling them they are stupid if they aren't interested in it right now.

It's funny, but Biff and Chip have been a life saver for my grandson. He just couldn't get on with phonetics and at 6 had a reading age of 4 and was getting remedial help at school. He kept saying "I just am no good at reading, Nana", I went back to very first Biff/Chip book (it's not used at his school) and worked through the levels with him. I found the fact it gradually introduced him to new words very useful. Now at 8 yrs 3 months, he has a reading age of ... 8 yrs 3 months!! He looks forward to the Amazon delivery of his latest books and is keen now to finish each book to find out what happens. His mum has been listening to him reading the new Oxford Owl Project X books which are about space travel and aliens and he is even talking about them at school with his friends. The turnaround has been fantastic. Don't worry too much, your DD will catch up when she's ready. I have a theory that they have to get to a certain point when it just suddenly makes sense, for my GS it was about age 7 when he "got it".

at 6 had a reading age of 4

You sound like a fab Grandma, so this is totally not aimed at you...

But WTAF kind of education are our children getting when this is a sentence (fragment).

My 19 month old had a walking age of 9 months. But now she can walk like a person.

Neither 6 year olds nor 4 Year Olds need to be able to read.

The kids are smart. We are doing something deeply stupid to them.with this ridiculous shit.

Any system that is teaching children that they are stupid is nor fit for purpose.

Being able to read aloud is no indication of intelligence. I've met many people who aren't very bright, but can read aloud beautifully. Likewise, I've met a few highly intelligent people who are illiterate.

My sister had to get learning support through primary school and really struggled. She went on to study for 2 degrees!

I was never in the top groups at primary school, but by secondary school I overtook those pupils.

I can understand why she's so gutted, but it's really not important!

One thing that made a difference to DD2 is that one day, a couple of weeks ago, she got frustrated because she didn't know what a word said. She said 'See! I'm stupid because I can't even read that word!' I told her to sound it out. She did, correctly. Then I said 'DD2, you're not stupid, you're a reader. That's what readers do when they come across a word they haven't seen before, or don't know how to read. They sound it out using their phonics. I'm a grown up and I read things all the time with words I haven't seen before. So I take a breath, use my phonics and sound it out. That's what readers do.'

It was like a little revelation to her. All this time she's been thinking that she's a rubbish reader because she's finding words that she's not familiar with and having to sound them out. She hadn't grasped that reading is all about that.

OP you're not going to like what I'm going to say.

It's not the reading band that matters.

But the teacher has said she's struggling. And she's getting extra help with phonics.

So at this point, no she is not fine.

She may or may not take off later. You'll have to wait till later to find out.

Not every child learns to read. Lots of children leave primary not being able to read well enough for secondary or life.

OP it's up to you what you think and how you approach this. But at what point will you agree with the teacher and say she's not fine?

In fairness salty, the op didn't say her daughter was fine. The Headteacher did. The OP was about her daughter's emotional well-being and how to help her feel okay about the fact that it is absolutely fine not to be at the same reading level as her friends, and that it absolutely doesn't mean she is less able.

I was a slow reader. I wasn't taught phonics, but I still can't sound out long new words half the time. But I did learn to read as well or better than my friends, and I went on to do an English literature degree. I think the fact that my mum read to me every night for years, and the fact that it didn't matter in school that I wasn't a great reader are the reasons why I LOVED books.

My ds was always on the lowest reading and maths levels. Unfortunately he was also the child with the poorest coordination in the class, the one who really struggled with PE, and was not particularly good at music: in fact, it was almost impossible to think of any area where he was not outperformed by his friends. It did knock his confidence for a long time.

We welcomed all the help the school could give him with open arms and were certainly not offended by being told he was behind. But that did not alter the fact that his confidence was very, very low and eventually he started hating everything associated with books and reading because it reminded him of his failures.

Having said this, he is now doing his GSCE's and predicted an A or B for English, and is generally speaking quite confident in his own skin (and also, I believe, good at PE). In his case, he just needed to grow.

But accepting help was not what knocked his confidence: it was seeing for himself that he could not do any of the things his mates could do so easily.

at 6 had a reading age of 4

To be fair, it wasn't the school saying that. They just quoted Key Stage levels that made little sense to me. I just needed a reference point so I could see where he really was and I used a couple of recommended online tests to find a starting point. Then I repeated them on a half yearly basis so he wasn't getting used to the words. He was, after all, quite capable at 6 of memorising a whole school reading book rather than reading the words!! We are thrilled with his progress, (and his increase in confidence) in the last 2 years rather than the reading age, it just amused me that this time it matched his age exactly. I know it's not scientific but we will continue, checking comprehension etc as we go and making him write about the book he has just read as it is his writing now that is the main focus.