I know this has been done to death on here so apologies in advance but I would really love some advice on how to handle a school mums situation I have. I have 5 children, the eldest is in secondary now and the youngest in reception. When my eldest started school, I entered the whole school playground thing with wide eyed innocence, was friendly and open, knew nothing of these little issues that go on behind the scenes with cliques and bickering etc etc that I have had the pleasure of experiencing over the years! Anyway, I chatted to whoever, became friendly with some and honestly have been burnt time and time again by people taking advantage....dropping their kids in to me (uninvited) to 'mind, just for a couple of hours', inviting one child for a playdate and having him and his 4 year old brother dropped instead, been asked to take a child in at 7.30am for a week and then drop to school as a favour to mum who has to work....actually when I put it down in writing it makes me sound like an idiot!! And I obviously am a bit of a pushover!
This was all when my eldest was younger and I've learned since then not to be taken advantage of for childcare. I honestly couldn't believe people would be so cheeky at the time. So I've learned to keep my distance from any of that. BUT I still seem to befriend mothers who are inclined to do this kind of thing. Just using other school mothers for childcare in the guise of friendship with the mothers, if you see what I mean. I am 'friends' for a number of years with a group of 4 mothers from my second daughter's class....we have had nights out, playdates, park visits, all of that, but over the years there have always been these mixed messages....blowing hot and cold, all over me one day, cool the next, and I have just reached the end of my tether with it. All over me when they want/ need something, cool when they don't. It has taken me years to realise that these are not real friends, that this is not real friendship, that real friends don't 'use' each other. I know that sounds ridiculous, but in every other walk of life, when I have made friends with someone, we were just friends, it was normal, we hung out socialised, whatever, there was never, ever any of this weird politics that I have experienced with school parents over the years.
We have a few days off school right now and I got caught up in a 'playdate' organising session that is running over 3 days.....'you mind them one day, I'll take them the next', this kind of thing. I kind of walked into it, thinking it was just ordinary playdates being organised but it turned into one girl dropping her kids to another at 9am til 3pm so she could go to work, then another offering to take all the kids from 8am the following day, crazy stuff! Up to 7 children in a small house at a time for a 'playdate', just who is enjoying that!! I just don't want to get involved in this kind of thing, I don't need childcare, I am off work when my kids are off school!! I offered to take their daughters (4 girls, friends of my daughter) for an afternoon and have already been manipulated into having a younger sibling too! I am just waiting for the others to try the same! I can't understand these women....are they happy to use each other like this? I hate it and really want to get away from it at this stage. It is slightly complicated by the fact that I am a drama teacher and teach a couple of these women's children, so have a professional relationship with them too and so obviously can only distance myself so much. I am so sorry to the longwinded post!!!!!! Any advice greatly appreciated. I am at the stage where I nearly want to distance myself from ALL school parents, but at the same time, don't want to do that, as I like the connection with the school. I have been trying to just do 'distance friendly' but keep seem to get roped into situations like these. Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!