11+

[katelyle]

Is there anyone else with a dc doing the 11+ next week? If so, do they feel as sick with anxiety as I do- and how are they staying calm and cheerful for the sake of their children? I think I'm doing OK - and dd seems quite calm (with occasional lapses into 5 year old behaviour!) but I feel like s**t about it. Anyone out there in the same boat?

All the best to you and your daughter, katelyle. I'm not in the same boat, but was in it last year and remember what it was like. (Now I'm in the ghastly grammar school parent nagging her DS1 to get his science project completed boat...)

I think it's important to remember that it's not the end of the world if they don't pass. Your child won't be a different person as a result, and other factors in life are far more important that which school you went to, or even academic success.

I know it's not really that important, and we're lucky in that the high school she'll go to if she doesn't get through is OK, but it's just that she is borderline and all her friendship group are in the barring disasters they'll pass category. So if she doesn't get it, the chances are she'll be the only one in her group. Academically she may well be better off in the less pressured school - but if all her friends pass and she doesn't.....Oh, well, cross that bridge when/if we have to!

DS2 is taking it next week. DS1 took it 2 years ago.

Not panicking too much as, should he fail (which would be very unexpected according to his school), the high school he would go to is the best in the area.

I really wouldn't worry too much about the friendship issue at this stage. Chances are that, even if she went to the same school as all her friends, she would make new friends at the new school and her current friendships would change.

If she goes to a different school, she will be in the same boat as a number of others and will make new friends. All part of life's rich pattern.

I would also think long and hard about whether the grammar school is appropriate if she is borderline. Some borderline children seem to cope OK, but others really struggle. It's not just ability, but application which is important at a grammar. The work may be harder, but you are expected to work harder and the homework is far greater than at high schools. If your dd is likely to cope with this Ok, then fine, but if she's a bit of a flibbertigibbet when it comes to school work, then a high school might be the better option anyway.

Good luck!

I know - but she's a hard worker who struggles a bit with maths. She's in the top set and got a level 4 at the end of year 4, but she finds it hard. I'm pretty sure she'll be OK if she does get to the grammar, but we will have to watch the situation really carefully.

I know she'll be fine when she gets to Secondary school and makes new friends, but there's all of this year to get through first!

Really feel for you katelyle. My DD took hers in September, less than a week back after summer hols. I felt exactly the same as you do now.

We are lucky, she did pass and with good marks too as I was worried about the border line thing.

Now we have to wait until 1 March to see if she gets into the girls high school!

Why does it take so long!!

Skytv - why do you have to wait? That sounds like torture - at least we get the results of the test and what school we've got at the same time on March 1st.

Its ridiculous isn't it?

We got the results on 14 October, had to have our choice of schools in by 24 October. Why does it take so long to process all the info? I really don't know.

Mind you, thinking about it, our system is even more ridiculous - we had to choose our schools before we knew whether she's passed the 11&divid; or not! So we had to pick three schools we liked, selective and non-selective and we have no idea she'll even qualify for her first choice school!

Up until this year we had that system too - its crap. Ours is the first year of a new trial system whereby we know the results before we have to choose which should stop a lot of appeals. They are still taking forever to tell us though.

dd1 starts her selective entrance exams on the 18th. We are just out of area for the grammar schools, so to qualify for that she would need to be in the top 5-10% in the area & sadly she's not. As a result we're trying the private route. Still not sure whether she'll pass though, and get absolutely no help from the school.
Hopefully dd2 will pass for the grammar so only have to fork out for 1 place at private.
If dd1 fails for the schools she's trying for she will go to the High school, which is pretty good, but huge (1900 kids) and I think she'll get lost as she tries not to speak in class.
Nerve wracking though.

My DD took her 11 plus in November. We don't get any results, or school places, until March. We were in a really hard situation, as she goes to a Catholic Primary school, and most of the children there go on to a very good Catholic Secondary. The snag is, that the Catholic Secondary will only take first choice applications. They are only guaranteed (and I use that quite loosely depending on how many are applying etc.) a place at Grammar if we put it first choice. The other Secondary schools in our area are dire. We really struggled with the decision, and wanted to put the Grammar first, so she'd have a really good chance of getting in, but although DD is very capable, she's also very lazy, and was very 'flaky' about doing test papers etc. So in the end we decided that we couldn't risk losing our place at the Catholic Secondary, and put that first choice and Grammar second. Best case scenario is that she will have passed with good marks, in which case, the Grammar, being selective, will offer her a place even though we haven't put them first. If she has passed, but doesn't automatically get an offer, she'll go on the waiting list for the Grammar. We will move her to the Grammar, if this happens, as it's still the better school, is much closer to home, and is single sex, which I prefer. Although the Catholic Secondary is a very good school, I didn't particularly like it, and there are behaviour issues there. So I'm hoping someone is smiling on us. Good Luck to all those taking the exam this month. Also, have any of you noticed how weird other parents with DC taking the 11 plus get? Even those you know well and may consider to be friends? A lot of Mums at our school went all 'cloak and dagger' and were very cagey about their application choices etc. and looked at other parents with suspicion. Silly.

My dd will be doing hers next week too. I'm more panicky than I was 2 years ago when dd1 did it for some reason.

Kate, whereabouts in Kent are you? I'm assuming Kent for some reason!

If your dd is a hard worker, she should be fine at grammar even if borderline. I have a ds who, whilst very bright, is a bit ambivalent about working at home. In school he is fine, but we have huge problems getting him to do homework. So whilst grammar school seems the best choice for him, it most certainly will not be the best choice for my sanity .

I'm near Faversham - you've answered my panicky posts on the subject before when I was called Curlew!

Aha! All becomes clear. Hope it all goes well for you and that you get the result which makes the best sense for your dd.