Donning a hard hat to ask this question - "weekly star" awards...

[2ndSopranosRule]

Dd1 is in y3. School has two rewards systems in place: Star of the Week and Good to be Green for good behaviour/citizenship. This is now her fourth year in the school and she's been awarded Good to be Green once. Overlooked in yR, y1 and so far in y3. Several children have had it more than once too - the names are in every weekly newsletter.

I'm told repeatedly that her behaviour is excellent, how she's a fantastic role model, kind, a friend to all, has been picked to mentor another child with communication difficulties etc etc but why can't she ever have the recognition!

I'm already 'that' parent for a variety of reasons but how long to I leave it? I just don't think it's fair!

My DC has had Star of the Week SEVEN times since September!!! A couple of others have had it multiple times too. Can't help wondering if the other mums in the class are feeling a bit like you about it OP.

Thing is, it obviously works well as an incentive for him as he's a nightmare at home!

invisible child here too. both of my daughters are exceptionally well behaved apparently, very hard working, very helpful etc etc etc but one is always overlooked and the other had a patch of being overlooked by one particular teacher. I have just told them that the school reward systems are utterly pointless and really not worth bothering with. Not the attitude I know, I always support school on everything but really when the naughtiest children get the awards first and the good ones have to wait until May/June/July well...

My youngest son was invisible too. At his school it was called the Headteacher's Award, with one child per class getting a certificate and sticker and their photo was displayed in the hall for the week. He had it once in his entire time at school, and that was when the headteacher asked him to be friends with a boy who had a history of leaving schools after a year or so and this was his 4th one in the area - they were a bit of a strange family. My son is quite a sociable lad (doesn't get that from me!). She told him that if he looked after this boy the following week and introduced him to his group of friends then he could have the award the following Friday - she bribed him with it! As it turned out, the boy was in school on the Monday and then was never seen there again! My son did get his certificate though.

Just wish he'd have been that invisible when it came to the class bear - he had that fucker (and accompanying scrapbook to be filled out) three times!

If you feel your dd has met whatever criteria they use for these awards then maybe consider raising it, but in a nice way, perhaps as a pp suggested, tackling it from the angle of asking out of concern whether there are issues with her work or behaviour.

Ds1 went a whole year without getting anything but it didn't bother me. I assumed he hadn't actually done anything that amazing and he wasn't bothered, not being that keen on attention being focused on him! Ds2 on the other hand gets behaviour awards quite often (and yet at home is hard work!) and despite feeling very proud of him, I can't help worrying due to having seen many threads like this on MN over the years that other parents might think he gets favoured. You can't win, always something to worry about with dc!

When I was teaching I had class lists to make sure no one was missed out. I'd have parents coming to have a word, saying their child was upset they hadn't had it yet... Understandable too, it's really hard, knowing they've been fab to know they've not got a reward too

Having read the replies it appears the naughty kids get the rewards and you should be worried if you DC get them!!

My dcs school has the same 2 rewards system. Both dcs have had star of the week numerous times.

Only 1 has had good to be green once as it's literally a lottery. Names in a hat of all the children who have stayed green all week and 1 is picked out - they get the good to be green award.
Maybe your school is similar?

If you feel your dd has met whatever criteria they use for these awards ...

I think that's the key OP. Depending on the criteria, if they're too strictly applied then some children may be more likely to get them than others. Like I said, my DC has had it seven times since September. From what he says it is based on things like "sitting nicely", being quiet as soon as the teacher asks you, voluntarily helping to clear up, etc. My DS is pretty quick and savvy about doing what is necessary to get those boxes ticked, but he's certainly no angel - just a boy who responds eagerly and competitively to material incentives. If a misdemeanour on a Monday convinced him he wasn't in with a chance for that week, or if instead of the promise of a certificate and a new pencil they just got a warm smile or a "well done" I expect he'd relax the act and be as slopey shouldered as the average 9 year old for the rest of the week.

I am very cynical about these awards in general - too often those children who get more of them than the average are the ones who are tricky to control from a behavioural standpoint and also every child will get the award at least once a term. If my child were getting more than his share rota wise, I'd be worried.

My children seem to be overlooked for rewards all the time too.

DS2's class have multiple rewards systems. They have star of the day (every day), a class dojo system, eating on the 'top table' at lunch and getting your name in the school newsletter.

There are 30 in his class, so with the star of the day system each child should really be getting it around 6 times a year. DS2 has been star of the day once this year, and he had to share it with another boy. He hasn't won any of the weekly rewards at all this year. He's been on the 'top table' once in the 3 years he's been at the school. I think he's had his name in the school newsletter once in each of YR and Y1 and not yet in Y2. When they did star of the week in YR and Y1 he got his turn right at the end of the school year both time, and was really upset about never having been star of the week by that time.

It wouldn't be so bad, but the same names appear in the newsletter/are on top table repeatedly. And, as others have noted, these aren't the children who are well behaved and such like. DS2 finds it pretty demotivating. He is generally well behaved at school and he works really hard. He always does his homework, and any additional projects set. But he feels that the 'naughty kids' get all the rewards.

The only rewards he consistently gets are the ones where it's entirely in his power. So he's fanatical about doing his reading and getting me to write in his reading diary so he can get stamps on his cards and a certificate. In fact, he always exhausts the possible certificates by Easter (he'll have enough stamps for the top level certificate by this half term).

He can't decide on whether he gets class dojo points, or whether his name goes in the school newsletter, and he clearly feels really frustrated by it. He keeps telling me about how he does his best but just doesn't get any points for that, while others get loads of points despite breaking lots of school rules, etc.

I can totally understand the logic of having a positive behavioural rewards system and I can also understand why the children with very problematic behaviour get rewarded for behaviour other children would be told off for. But I'm not a 6 year old trying my best and wondering why I'm not getting any rewards for my efforts. I'm not sure that a system that frustrates and alienates children like my DS is actually a good one. But equally, I'm not sure how a school can 'win' in these situations.

I work in a school sometimes and notice the naughty kids have twice as many Dojos as the others, get rewarded for being "good" or as I like to think expected.

It's not fair is it? Friend works at a high school and they were horrified that a PITA got the most at the year end assembly!!

What are they teaching these kids? The good are demoralised and the naughty get rewarded.

What should they do instead?

In my class, I don't give out awards just for good behaviour. Good behaviour is expected of everyone. You'll only get one for going above and beyond what would normally be expected - the student who arrives early and comes in and helps me set up for the lesson or stays back when the lunch bell goes to help me pack up, offering to sit with another student and listen to them read, does extra research or activity for homework voluntarily. It could be anything, but it has to be something out of the ordinary. I do try and make sure everyone gets a chance for an award during the year, but giving opportunities ('would you be able to stay in for five minutes and help me out?') so it's up to the students if they take them or not.

In my school, we have a 'staying on green' behaviour scheme. Those children who always stay on green (behave well) are moved on to bronze, silver and gold over the term and receive certificates. In this way, the children who could get overlooked have their behaviour recognised and rewarded.

If you are "that parent" already, OP, I'd just ask.

Very good point!

I'm not a pain, but if the newsletter has one time and the text has another for assembly or whatever I do point this out.

We have a behaviour system at DD's school where each day you can go up or down. DD is pretty scared of the down option. I don't want her to spend time worrying about it. I've tried to explain that she's likely to get it some time, but we won't mind and the system is more for those DC who find it hard to behave or remember to behave.

I don't think any of these systems is ideal for well behaved children, but they are there to reduce disruptive behaviour which is beneficial for the whole class.

This stuff is so difficult, as children have different attitudes to these rewards.

One of my dc's friends was in tears every week that she hadn't been Star of the Week (she was eventually), which I'm sure isn't the purpose of these systems.

One of my dc's teachers (Y2) used to have posters up of 'Literacy Star', 'Maths Star', 'Good friend Star' and 'Good Behaviour Star' (or something like that) and children would have their photo moved to a particular star if they did something well. They changed at least once a day, so there was frequent rewarding without huge amounts being invested in it. This seemed like a sensible system for young children to me.

One of mine never got star of the week for the first four years. I gradually came to think it was given as a reward to those who needed to improve something and had then done so. So those who were well behaved, did what they were meant to be doing rarely got it. It got better in juniors when awards are given out for more tangible things, like best times tables score or great story. It knocked dd's confidence though, I wish they would give all of them a go. A friend did complain and her dd was star of the week that week then.

Where is their name on the register? That has made a huge difference to mine over the years. Even the level of detail in the marking, or whether their books are marked.

I wish those schemes would disappear!

DD never got one in the first year and a half - teacher really didn't 'get' her anxiety (adopted, past trauma) so treated it as naughtiness/not trying hard enough for the first year. First half of second year she began to relax, plus then got it twice in second half of the year. One in first few weeks of year 3.

None related to her thinking 'I'm going to try & get a merit award this week' - just settling in, feeling less anxious, and maturing emotionally.

Demerits send her into a spin of anxiety and 'shut down', so her behaviour gets worse if she has one of those.

Plus then, if you give them out for work that is good but not exceptional (i.e. the child who is usually well behaved and works hard) then it changes nothing as well. Equally there are some children who rack up demerits (which lead to detention) as if they were going out of fashion, but that doesn't change their behaviour and they just get stuck in the 'so what?' groove.

Both completely pointless as motivators. But then the effectiveness of behaviourist approaches are dubious in the short and long term.

Not read all the replies OP but I have 'invisible' kids at school (with regards rewards / stickers etc). However...my kids are rewarded in other ways - for example DS1 is ALWAYS without fail a big lead role in the year group play (3 class intake so out of 90 kids, he usually lands one of the main parts). DD1 usually gets 'responsibilities' eg taking register to office / collecting messages from head etc. DD1 has had 'Head Teacher' award once, she's in yr 2. Other kids in her class have received it numerous times.

Different kids require different rewards to motivate them. Mine get rewarded but in other ways. Yes they sometimes grumble about not getting stickers / certificates etc, but I'm happy with how they are rewarded. The kids, however, would probably just prefer stickers like bulk of their classmates .

If you're child genuinely isnt being recognised in any capacity, then mention ASAP.

Same with my Dd, always told how wonderfully well behaved she is and how she works well every day but has never been given a reward and it used to upset her. From what I can gather in my Dc's school it seems to be the Dc who really really excel or the Dc who have various difficulties. Unfortunately my daughter seems to be in the middle so she is constantly overlooked. I just make sure I acknowledge and reward her in some small way when I hear the above comments just so she knows someone has noticed and to keep her motivated, tbh she is used to it doesn't seem too bothered now.

In my school getting in the golden book usually involves some complicated homework that whoever got the parents to do it well gets it! I have totally given up on those one. If the homework isn't age appropriate or the teachers can't see that it's the work of parents. Then I am not bothering. Always the same kids who get it as well. At least they have stopped taking photos and put it in the new letter though, I assume it was a bit too obvious.