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You'd think with him being the second child I'd be over this but ds2 (5) hasn't been invited to a party all his friends are going to and I'm gutted

14 replies

santasweetdreamer · 18/12/2006 19:56

he's asked me a few times why he wasn't invited and what can I say? he's mentioned all the kids going and it seems out of the ones who play together he's the only one not going. I'm gutted on his behalf, I know its daft but I can't help it. Ds2 is shyer than ds1 and I feel he's left out a bit, he's also a bit smaller.

Poor wee soul, very unreasonable I do realise, but my hearts broken for him.

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 18/12/2006 20:02

Message withdrawn

santasweetdreamer · 18/12/2006 20:24

thanks aimsmum!!

trouble is I think the pary was tonight, I knew he wasn't invited as the mum was chatting about it to friends standing next to me and I was obviously not included. I wasn't too bothered, my view is if it doesn't bother my kids it doesn't bother me.

But tonight at tea time ds2 said mummy is it time for a party to start because x was having a party today and all my friends were invited but not me. I said not everyone was invited (hoping I was right) but he rhymed off his friends that were going and he's the only one out of the wee group not invited.

Honestly I feel really gutted for him, he even looked like he was trying to be cheerful about it but he mentioned it again at bedtime and I know he's a bit hurt.

This makes me mad at x's mum for leaving him out, theres quite a clique goes on at school and I try to keep out of it but sometimes it feels like it backfires on your kid.

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 18/12/2006 23:25

Message withdrawn

santasweetdreamer · 19/12/2006 06:55

thanks again, you know I woke up at 5.30 thinking about this!

really need to get a grip!

OP posts:
KTreePee · 19/12/2006 07:38

Sympathies from me too - I had a thread going yesterday on my dd being left out of something at school - also spent the early hours of the morning awake thinking about it

WeWishUAMerryXmasNANappyNewYr · 19/12/2006 08:39

you can't really do anything about it. perhaps the mum didn't do the invitations, but said to her child you can pick so many people to come to your party, who do you want.

juuule · 19/12/2006 09:47

The time will come when your ds2 will be invited to things that your ds1 won't. These things even out. Hard though it is they soon come to realise that they can't always do the same things/ go to the same places together. They will each get their own friends. Sometimes they will share friends and share parties etc, but sometimes they won't. My children (9 of them and not practical to expect people to invite them all every time) were upset and put out a bit the first times they couldn't go to a party/event with a sibling but they quickly adapted and realised that they went to things that the others didn't.

mymama · 19/12/2006 10:03

Could your ds have made a mistake? My ds wasn't invited to a party 2 weeks ago and said all of his friends were, he even named all of them off. When I spoke about it in passing to one of his friend's mum it turned out her ds had not been invited either. My ds just thought he had. Could you mention it in passing to one of the mums you might know a little better?

It is heartbreaking though isn't it. I tell my children that only so many can be invited and they were probably the very next one on the list.

ChristmasisComing · 19/12/2006 12:58

I really feel for you and your ds. It happened to my dd last year - generally all the class get invited (there are only 16) but for one party after school she was not. They all took in a change of clothes for the party and the mother sent a minibus for those going, and poor dd was left out.

I think it was becasue it was early in the year and she had not been at the nursery like the others, but she was still upset. I just had to explain that there was not enough room for everyone, and made sure we did something special at the weekend to make up.

Hope he and you get over it soon.

imnot27 · 19/12/2006 13:19

I have been in this situation before, and I lied (yes, to my own child ) and said that the mum had come up to me afterwards and said where was my dd, had we not got invite etc, and that child must have forgotten to give it to dd, but don't mention it anymore as child feels bad about it!! I know is awful, but made dd feel loads better! Also, once we invited every girl in the class ( I thought!) to dds party, afterwards realised I had left 2 off the list! Felt terrible, but it was genuine mistake, so maybe this was the case, although if the mum is ignoring you, probably not.... Just go up to mum in playground and slap her one! only joking....

juuule · 19/12/2006 17:03

Sorry just realised that your ds1 isn't going and I misread your op.
I can see why you are upset for him. I think I would go with the line that not everybody could be invited and maybe he will get an invite next time. I would also ask around to find out if everyone else is going. Would dig around a bit just to reassure myself.

Hideehi · 19/12/2006 22:08

My DD only gets invited to parties where the whole class or all the girls are invited, if a child has to pick say 5 friends my dd never makes the top 5, it does annoy me but what can you do, nothing.

Sammy3 · 27/12/2006 17:52

santasweetdreamer, the exact same thing happened to my ds. The birthday boy in question was even meant to be 1 of his best friends at the time. He was gutted & I was annoyed. He also noticed that he hadn't been invited to other classmates' parties that year as well. I explained that at least he knows who his real friends are now, even though it was a hard lesson. Then during the next school year (in a very spiteful act of revenge) when it was his next birthday, I planned a brilliant laser tag party & specifically told him he could invite (or NOT invite) whoever he wanted. I knew he remembered being left out of all those parties & I hadn't originally planned to have much of a party that year, since he was getting older. But, it had to be done . He only invited his 2 best friends from school. The rest of the party guests were friends from karate & cubs. He delighted in telling me how his classmates begged him to come to his party when they found out what it was. I know it was a bad example to set, but I just had to do it.

wheresthehamster · 27/12/2006 18:20

DD3 is 9 and never gets invites unless it's a whole class thing. It used to upset her and me but now I realise it's sometimes a mums thing and have explained that to her the best I can.

I haven't really gelled with the main cliques of mums in her class and I notice although the majority of their children don't necessarily play together they all get invited to each others parties and sleepovers, presumably because the mums are friends.

Also I am guilty myself of leaving children out. I invited all the girls in the class to DD3's 7th birthday party and it was only later that someone told me I'd missed one.
So in your case it may also have been unintentional.

Not quite the same I know but on the last day of term was a so called 'friend' told DD3 that she'd bought everyone in the class a Christmas present except her.
I explained there was no way that was true and turned the conversation around so that DD3 actually ended up feeling sorry for the child (even though I felt like strangling her).

Have you checked his schoolbag and drawer by the way? Sometimes things get overlooked.

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