Y5 son says he is stupid

[goodygoodymummy]

Sorry, this may be a long post, but I really need advice. My y5 son has slowly over the past two years and in particular over the last six months got very demoralised at school. He now often says he is stupid and has special needs. We have told him he is a bright child and that this is nonsense. Think it stems from the fact that although he is just about the oldest in his year, he is one of only three children not to have gained their pen licence. He is left-handed, and he says his hand hurts when he writes. They other two children who have no licence both have statements. He tries and tries, but it is never good enough. For what it is worth, although not perfect, we think his writing is fine. I approached his teacher and mentioned the pen licence thing was affecting his confidence, and she didn't want to know. Said he just had to try harder and do more joined writing. Surely if this is affecting a child's confidence so much, they should give him the pen licence? The other kids all use pens in lessons and he is still stuck using a pencil. Lots of the children two years younger than him have their pen licences. What would you do??? Please help/advise? Feel both angry and very very sad.

Definitely not a Victorian idea more down to progressive education as the licence is considered an incentive to achieve. Something promoted in some current teacher training

DD is a leftie and she is one of only 4 in her class to have got a pen licence so far. I bought her all the usual left handed stuff to try to make everything easier for her - and she has rejected the lot.

The Berol handwriting pens they get issued at school are absolutely fine for her and she says they are a lot easier to use than the left-handed pens I bought her - that she says make her hand ache.

The only difference between her and her friends is that she writes slower than them - she can't 'scribble off a note' like they can (if she wants it to be legible). She has to take her time and that is what helps her handwriting be neat.

Would slowing down help your DS at all OP?

They may teach good handwriting but they don't teach them how to hold a pen or pencil well. I would imagine this is probably worse for those who are left handed.

I really noticed DD starting with a poor grip very early I was quite strict in correcting it myself. School didn't seem to bother, this was year 1, as I was never shown how to hold my pen properly and writing did hurt. I had to relearn how to write at 10 years old and I'm left handed my writing was poor.

I think it's one area they don't do well in really.

Of course children are taught how to hold pencils and pens!

I'm a hypermobile, dyspraxic ambi (who was probably actually a lefty, but nevermind) and when I want to I can produce beautiful writing, including calligraphy.
My handwriting is at it's best with a nice felt tip, or a fountain pen. In our year 6 we all had to use fountain pens and I had a lovely Lamy Safari, which has a lovely grip. I really recommend them for making you think about how you are writing, and they come in loads of colours!

My y5 son is getting help with handwriting. He's one of a handful of kids without a pen license.

He knows that in secondary everyone uses pen and they don't mind if writing is joined up or not

His writing is joined up and neater than his 14 year old brother's but his spelling is poor and I don't know how fast pen license holders are supposed to write so that might be an issue. (He's not kept in to finish work so I assume it's ok)

I didn't say the system is right just trying to explain the theory behind it.
Personally I don't use pen licences and it's not something we do in my school (although it has been suggested by nqts).

I spend half my day reminding children how to hold pencils for some I turn my back and they revert to strange grips.
For the record any grip that is comfortable and effective is considered "correct" by occupational therapists although tripod grip is thought as "best".

mrz - "incentive to achieve" - re the pen licence. Yes but for some it becomes something which singles them out - my child has dyspraxia - he is going to be one of them

Why will he? Dyspraxia doesn't mean you can't have beautiful handwriting ...

That's where occupational therapy comes in. Dyspraxia isn't a barrier to good handwriting.

www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/downloads/handwriting_and_dyspraxia.pdf

www.callirobics.com/samples.html

Increasing muscle tone in Upper limb prior to table / writing based activities

Pressure through arms and hands

1. 10 x push ups from chair, take most weight through arms rock slightly forward.

1. Shoulder girdle spirals smaller to larger both directions.

1. Body press ups off ground, from knees.

1. Wall press ups, touching nose on wall.

Hand exercises. (Crepe bandage or similar)

1. ‘Creeping thumbs’, position hand, side on to bandage with the thumb pointing along loose bandage. Scrumple bandage towards hand under fingers using thumb.

1. Crawling fingers along bandage (can draw pictures on to make fun) hand facing loose bandage.

1. Forming shapes using play dough or putty, rolling sausages, round balls, letter shapes.

1. Squirting water at target from a old washing up bottle

It's more difficult but that doesn't mean it can't be achieved. We have dozens of children with diagnosed DCD who write beautifully.

there are lots of things that won't go away and make things more difficult but they are only barriers if we let them stop us.

So it hasn't been a barrier to achieving just made it more difficult? A barrier prevents you from achieving.

Goodness there's a lot of "dyspraxics can't" talk here. Dyspraxia can be a hindrance, but that doesn't mean it should be looked on as such (or at least to this extent).

Okay, so my dyspraxia means I couldn't play rounders at school and my handwriting isn't great when I rush (or have had a couple of bottles glasses of wine). However, I'm now in my twenties and years of trying means I CAN catch, and I CAN have beautiful handwriting and I CAN take my own, effective notes in my university classes (so much so that I haven't used my recorder once this year). That doesn't mean I'm any less dyspraxic than I was six or seven years ago, it means I have given myself the muscle memory/strength/whatever to cope with things.

Washediris have you considered getting your daughter to focus on the fact that she CAN write a couple of paragraphs? Or to find a nice middle ground where her spelling, grammar, punctuation and handwriting are acceptable? I know some schools can be a bit naff about dyspraxia (not as well known or understood as dyslexia) but she needs to set her own standards rather than hold herself up to her peers. I learnt that the hard way.

To answer your question MRZ - because he finds it that much more difficult than others. We have had physiotherapist/ occupational therapy and I have done write from the start/ speed up and have spent hours with my child trying to do what others find easy. He still finds it difficult - and this will st k out. Please accept this.