summer born son

[tiredandhungryalways]

Hi hoping someone can advise me I am very stressed! My 3 year old is currently in nursery part time from half 8 till half 11 he has never been in any sort of childcare and settled in well struggled a little bit but enjoys it and looks forward to going. He is August born and was a preemie his due date wasn't until October 1st. The nursery teacher have told me he works well in small groups but is difficult in larger groups. He has a slight speech delay but nothing serious and the surestart lady works in nursery and has spent some time with him and has said he is improving. He is extremely shy does not do well in New situations needs a lot of time to adjust to new people and settings it has taken him over a month to initiate a conversation with any teacher for example. I am in the process of makig an application for delay his start to reception which I think will be accepted but am also applying for a school place- I have been told I must do both. Now my worry is if I get a place in the school I want to accept it as it is already hugely over subscribed there are new homes being built near the school so his chances of being accepted next year reduce. It is a fantastic school and finally my question is it worth sending him a bit earlier than I hoped for a good school or is it better to wait a year and risk him going to a not so good school? He may genuinely be ready by next year I don't know but at the moment I am hugely doubtful thank you for reading xxxxx

My experience is that teachers are pretty good at differentiation and there will be other summer born boys at a similar stage in development.

I have to say though I think it would be much fairer to use the original due date rather than actual due date for premature born children. Especially where the original date would put them in the next school year.

However some children discussed on this thread eg: not recognising colours/counting/alphabet at 3.5 years old are not just a few months behind. For these children I think it would be very wise to hold back a year and work on those things (including dressing/toilet training etc) that most children their age will be able to do.

Tough call for you though OP, I think I would go in to see the good school and have a chat with the Reception teacher and see if they put your mind at rest.

Headreamer if the school year ran from 1st April-31st March don't you think things would have been tougher for your DD? Perhaps not. I completely agree I shouldn't be worrying about these things in a 3 year old & if he had been born 5 weeks later I probably wouldn't be.

I'm not just worrying because he is summer born, I'm worrying because he was so prem. People seem to think that premmies are just a bit small but they catch up & are fine however this isn't necessarily the case. Missing out on so much womb time means missing out on important brain development & formation of neural pathways. It's so abnormal to be stuck in an incubator, tubes everywhere, loud noises & lights, seizures, hypoxic episodes, sepsis, transfusions, potentially toxic drugs & not being able to be held for weeks. Statistics show that these children are more likely to have a number of problems including difficulties with learning. I fully accept this obviously doesn't mean that all premature children will struggle at school. However I feel that Ds has been unlucky in having such a shit start in life & now has to contend with starting school a year earlier as a direct result.

I know that many summer borns are ready to start school & indeed many older children may struggle for various reasons. However DS just seems much more like the kids that are many months younger. Im not so worried about what he can't do right now as it doesn't to bother him but at some point it will. I worry about his confidence as he is already starting to say that he is not good at things.

Tired- just not going next year & hoping for the best is on my list of options however the cynic in me feels fairly certain that they will not back date new law

Bond- thanks for your story how prem was your Ds? How long did you give him in reception before deciding it wasn't working. Private school is also on list of options if he is forced to go to school next year & its disastrous however this would be last resort as I also have a younger DC & financially may not be viable in longer term. Of course moving back to state would then bring issue of potentially missing year again.

Mac- you are the first person who has even hinted at fact that Ds may be behind developmentally. He is 3y4m. I personally feel he is a bit behind & that he may have some subtle issues but I don't tend to share this in RL as I'm made to feel neurotic (I hope I am just neurotic). I guess the question is what should I do if I can't delay school a year.

I totally agree that premature babies have a much tougher start and allowances really should be made by LEAs.

Even if your DS is slightly behind, and it's hard as a parent not to be neurotic about such concerns, i think an early start in a really good school has got to be better than a later one in a bad school. But definitely arrange to get all your questions answered by the teacher who would be teaching your DS. There are some amazing, nurturing Reception teachers.

Santa - DS1 was born at 34+1 weeks which I think must be less premature than your DS? The school raised concerns about him fairly early, but they wanted to wait a couple of weeks in case it was just problems settling. He moved to the nursery a week or two before half term.

And yes, moving back to the state sector would potentially mean missing a year, so we think we're pretty much locked into the private sector for DS1 now.

I'd hold him back if he can go into reception the next year. The expectations on very young children are higher than ever and an extra year will help. I think by the sound of it the risk of not sending him is less than the risk of doing so. If he would be forced into year 1 however that would make things worse.

FWIW I'm an August birthday mum induced for PE and I don't think it helped me particularly. I was lucky in so far as I was very able academically but I didn't realise this until I was about 16. I had been distinctly average through infant school and there is a tendency to label. I always think if my ability had been average or below overall it would have been less helpful. Of course I have a degree from an RG university, a Masters and would be seen as a great August success story

Santa I can completely understand. I was worried about DD1 ofc. She's still not reliable with the toilet. I don't know how common it is for YR children. But, for example, she came home twice last week with school pants because she's wet herself. I agree that prems are different full term summer born. There's a tendency to think that just because a child isn't summer born, they won't be struggling. The problem really is we are starting school too young in England. However some schools are better at dealing with more immature children. I'm not sure if it's just a coincidence or they actually streamed the YR class in DD's school. But at the parent's evening, I noticed most of her class are spring and summer born in the birthday chart. (It's two form entry).

I don't think you need to worry too much about putting two in private. Is your second also prem? Maybe he'll be very ready for school and so you will only need to pay one set of school fees. Private also has the benefit of much smaller class size so they can get better care.

Of course I have a degree from an RG university, a Masters and would be seen as a great August success story

And I know of many July and August born who has RG degrees too. The biggest factor in academic success is actually parental income/education. Not the month they are born in.

Ds1 is a june baby and we contemplated holding him back a year as we thought he was too young. We viewed the school we liked and spoke to the head, explained our thoughts and concerns. He was brilliant and assured us they would let us know immediately if he wasnt coping or if we had to introduce stragegies like shorter days or lunch with me.

As it turns out he slotted in within 2 days and has thrived

I also know plenty of extremely successful summer borns including a couple of sept borns who were moved into year above. I met them at uni on a competitive course so obviously they are success stories.

Bond- Ds was a 29 weeker (& small & sick for his gestation). DD on the other hand was a healthy & chunky 39 weeker. I still marvel at her rolls of fat 😀 Ironically if the new law is passed then I will be able to delay her school entry but I just can't imagine wanting to. She is already able to do things at 6 months that DS couldn't do until he was 1 which tbh I'm finding slightly bittersweet. So yes she may well thrive in our local high achieving primary. However I think I would find difficult to justify having one in state & one in private.

santaschiefelf are you on the 'Flexible School Admissions ' facebook group from the summer born campaign? There is loads of help and support available for applying for a deferred start to Reception.

Ive got an early june dd. And am concerned for her starting in sept.
Mainly behaviourly though - things like weeing through her knickers and legging while on the potty.
She is not 100% reliably trained as only trained in oct.
She is fine with colours, numbers, letters, can pick out her name.
But has flooded the nursery bathroom 3 times since sept by plugging up the drain with paper towel. She just needs more supervision so cant imagine what having just 1 teacher will result in.
Im early aug and it did make a difference to me in primary, though quite probably she gets the naughtiness from me.
I think the cutoff should be moved to april or so, so that at least nobody is starting at exactly 4.
Dd2 is mid july so wonder what admissions will be like in the 3yrs. But it could end up rather unfair if she is easily able to defer, but also they will then be even more yrs apart at school.
If it was as easy as just apply next yr instead i deffinitely would do, as she just isnt ready to sit still.
Also she has had 5 days off sick since sept (though in reality has not been well the whole time) out of maybe 16 days. So her attendance next yr may well be poor. I think its linked to exhaustion as at home she naps a couple of hrs, but at preschool she is there 7hrs.
I really feel for those with preemies making this even worse.
I started ttc in may intending to avoid having a summer born, except ended up having ivf 2 yrs later. Same for dc2, ivf taking a yr.
some people are able to plan to avoid this, so there may be an uneven distribution of kids in yr groups.
I also worry about labelling (esp as nursery already started - after a couple of weeks saying she would need more settling in sessions at school.
I think its unfair that the free 15 hrs starts after 3 for all so summer borns get less preschool - very helpful

However I think I would find difficult to justify having one in state & one in private. My opinion on this is you pick the right school for each child either state or private.

I delayed reception entry for my ds who was July born and speech delayed. I had hoped he wd catch up over the summer but he didn't and I pulled him early sept once the la agreed he could start in reception not year one. A few weeks later he was diagnosed with verbal dyspraxia so I think I made the right choice. He has come on in leaps and bounds and will be ready next year.

Sliceoflime - I'm probably being really ignorant but how do you join the Facebook group do I need someone to add me? I clicked on join but nothing has happened (am total technophobe!) Did you delay for your child? What evidence did you have? LEA wants evidence & all I have is letter from nursery saying they feel he would benefit from another year there. I'm thinking of getting a private educational psychologist to assess him although not sure how much that would help.

Whatever date you use, someone will always be the youngest. Schools do understand about premature babies and children who are not quite ready to start. The YR curriculum is very flexible and children can learn at their own pace and they certainly cannot be forced to learn. Plenty of schools put in a vast amount of TA time into settling children so the staffing levels are not hugely different to nursery at times. If children have SEND then they will be monitored and their progress checked regularly. They will get help.

My DS is a 31st August baby. At 4 I was where you are now. He was very shy and whenever we went to a party he would just sit on my knee and suck his fingers! Throughout the early years at school there was a noticeable difference between him and some of the other kids who were after all almost 25% older than him.
However the school were great in taking account of this, and he has flourished. He is now 11 doing really wel. I know it doesnt meant the same will happen for everyone, or even you .. but thought it might help.
If he has friends in nursery who are going to the same school, it may be preferable to send him with them, rather then wait a year and go with people he doesnt know as well.
Trust your instincts!

Wizzler my DS isn't desperately shy, he tries to join in but can't quite manage it. He would never sit on my knee at the edge of something he wanted to do but might try to drag me with him if he didn't know the other kids. It's private nursery & seems to draw from a wide area so no there isn't anyone else going to the same school I don't think. I don't think he would get the concept of being left behind but even if he did all the kids he likes are younger therefore would be staying another year anyway. He seems to get on better with the younger ones, probably because he is more like them. My instinct is screaming that it is not in his best interest to go next year and this feeling is only getting stronger as time goes on & I notice the differences between him & the other children.

I deferred and am so glad I did.
Those extra twelve months made all the difference
Ds is slowly catching up because he has always been within touching distance of his adopted year group. His default year group babied him...

... but I just read your op and your child is so different, I think a good school this year sounds best... he is way ahead of where my son was

OP someone else might have made this suggestion already but, in case not: I know in some schools (though perhaps only in private ones?) there is an option to request your child repeat reception if you think he/she is not ready to move to Y1 especially for late summer children. So, perhaps you could accept the place, if it is offered to you, and see how he gets on. If you think he's struggling in reception, then ask for him to be allowed to repeat the year. Do you think that would be possible?

OP I just wanted to reassure you. I agree that there will be a big difference between now and when you potentially have to accept / defer the place. Just wait and see.

I also agree there is lots of support for children who struggle at the start of Reception. I personally think age is just one factor, there will be children like your son regardless of age. I have 27 weeker boy/girl twins – due end of July, born late April. Not as “late” in the year as your DS but they were still little and “behind” in some ways when they started. They were absolutely fine.

One other point I just wanted to make about the research - in the UK, until fairly recently, summer born children (well any child born from March onwards I think) in some areas – mine included – started school in the February of their reception year, rather than at the September start (so they missed effectively 6 months of school). That’s what I did (born in April) as did my siblings.

So when the historical reports from say 10, 15, 20 years ago say that summer born children didn’t do as well as their autumn / winter born peers on leaving primary school or by the end of Year 2 or whatever, a factor may have been that they’ve simply been at school for half a year less. My advice would be not to buy into the whole “my summer born child will do less well” angst – it is a sweeping generalisation. Support your child for his specific issues – you’ve had fab advice on here already about what he’ll need to do and build it up as being an adventure / exciting and don’t let him see you’re worried about it. Whatever you decide, he will be fine .