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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DS has been permanently excluded!?

28 replies

Wishsicles · 12/11/2015 23:51

So, I don't know what to do anymore! My little guy is 7 and use to go to a private school. He did have many warnings for "losing his temper" and had been excluded previously. The school is really good and was great for my daughter, who is now in yr 7. My son is also really great at home, well manored, polite and I rarely have to tell him off, but he will cry when he gets home from school and tells me how he is really sorry and doesn't mean to get mad, it just happens... I went to the GP, that's what the local authorities recommended, when they were finding him a mainsteam school, so I went; she just said that some kids go through a frustrated stage? So, anyway that's how it was left, but I have no idea how to help him, he started his new school a week ago and was sent home for punching the wall and it needed to be xrayed... I just want to help him :(

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JaquelineHyde · 12/11/2015 23:57

This sounds awful for you. I would ignore the opinion of the first GP you have seen and go and seek advice elsewhere, this is more than generic frustration and should be addressed accordingly.

JaquelineHyde · 12/11/2015 23:59

Also in his old school did they keep a detailed record of each incident so you can go over it and try to identify any trigger points?

Original poster

Wishsicles · 13/11/2015 00:02

Yes, each week we were given a log and he was also on "report" because of his behaviour - there was nothing specific. It would go from him getting a question wrong, so he would storm out and throw things... To him losing his pen and hitting someone to get someone elses and honeslty, it sounds awful - it sounds like I haven't parented him properly :( but I have done exactly the same for him as I have for DD, so I really don't know what it could be :(

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32ndfloorandabitdizzy · 13/11/2015 00:06

He hasn't been permanently excluded? he has been asked to levee a private school. He has been sent home from a state school for medical treatment.

Where is the permeant exclusion?

Original poster

Wishsicles · 13/11/2015 00:09

He was permanently excluded from his private school... I hate to sign a permanent exclusion letter... The local authorities then placed him in mainstream, because not all mainstreams will accept him due to his previous school history...

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Original poster

Wishsicles · 13/11/2015 00:09

*had

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ReallyTired · 13/11/2015 00:11

Is your child at a state or a private school now? If your son is at a state school you need to make an appointment with the special needs coordinator to discuss how they are going to support him. Maybe he needs one to one support and help with anger management. Has he been assessed by an educational psychologist to rule out any learning difficulties? Maybe you can pay privately rather than wait months for the council to pay. Maybe it's worth asking the new school what they think.

Original poster

Wishsicles · 13/11/2015 00:14

He is at a state school now and the SEN team (who I have had a meeting with before he joined the school) met my son and believed there was no reason to refer him because he was showing no signs of SEN - only anger issues, which were never displayed during meetings and only in certain situations

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Sunnyminimalist2 · 13/11/2015 00:15

Can you work on anger management with him. Discuss things. Roll play

Original poster

Wishsicles · 13/11/2015 00:18

I have tried - I have done a whole bunch of things with him - from emotion books, to writing down things, role play (I did certain situations with him and then discuss the way he is acting) and he always goes "oh yeah, i see where i went wrong" and hugs me like he is so happy to have found a solution, but then things happen all over again

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Thestressofit · 13/11/2015 00:19

I would be taking him to see a child psychologist, as you have mentioned private school I'm assuming you may be able to afford to take him straight away. Even if he can be seen by GP and referred to children's mental health services you will have to go on a waiting list.

ReallyTired · 13/11/2015 00:25

Private schools permanently exclude children far more easily than state schools. Finding another school for the excluded child is the LEA's problem. State schools have to produce lots of evidence before they can expel a child. It can often take up to two years to permanently exclude a child in the state sector.

Emotional and behavioural difficulties is a form of SEN. The school may well not want to fund a one to one. I expect that your son was as good as gold at the initial meeting. If he has been punching walls then it sounds like he needs some support.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 13/11/2015 00:37

Yes, I would take him to a child psychologist - who will be able to assess and refer as appropriate. We did this with our son who was having behavioural problems at school, but not at home.

You can engage one privately (which I will assume you can afford, as he was at private school) ours was £80/hr. He had about 3 sessions with her, then she referred him. DS has been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum - but it's so mild/high functioning, the school hadn't picked it up. DS can cope at home with loved/trusted people, but not in a classroom environment. A diagnosis means he has access to more help/understanding now.

Original poster

Wishsicles · 13/11/2015 00:41

That sounds like a good idea, I think I will find one ASAP - yes, my son can cope just fine at home and when he is with people he trusts, so it does sound familiar - thanks for your help :)

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UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 13/11/2015 00:43

Good luck

Fanjango · 13/11/2015 00:51

I concur about checking for asd. My son showed no signs of a problem apart from dyspraxic syptoms till he was 8. He's 10 now and struggling with so many fears and worries. The earlier tested the better. I'm looking at him starting seniors with no diagnosis and it's going to be hell. It may be nothing, all good, but the earlier you check the better. Being fine in normal surroundings but not coping away from home is a red flag. Hope all goes well.

PeppasNanna · 13/11/2015 00:59

I have dcs with similar issues. Both ended leaving mainstream education.

I would never sdvise spending money on privatecreports by psychologists as LEAs rarely recognise them.

I would call the SENCO at your ds school & request an Educational Psychologist observe your child. See what the EP advises strategy wise.

Go to your GP. Explain the situation & request a referalto Camhs.

I warn you everything takes a long time. Communicate with the school as much as possible as you need to be as proactive as possible.

Good luck

PeppasNanna · 13/11/2015 01:00

Sorry for typos!

WildStallions · 13/11/2015 08:36

I also wonder about ASD.

I had exactly the same. DS was lovely at home but behaviour problems at school. (Even down to punching the wall so hard school told me to take him to A&E) Turned out he has Aspergers.

I would guess this is probably the most likely cause of behaviour problems when everything at home is fine.

blaeberry · 13/11/2015 08:43

Just as word about finding a psychologist - 'psychologist' is not a protected title; you need to find an 'educational psychologist' or a 'clinical psychologist' and make sure they are registered with the HCPC and preferably have chartered status with BPA

Itshouldntmatter · 13/11/2015 10:07

Just to say educational and clinical psychologists MUST be registered with the British Paychological Society (BPS). It is a chartered status. If they are not registered they shouldn't use the title.

Itshouldntmatter · 13/11/2015 10:11

Actually, I think I was wrong (and Bkaeberry right), but details are here: www.bps.org.uk/what-we-do/bps/regulation-psychology/regulation-psychology

maizieD · 13/11/2015 12:23

PepasNanna is right; schools are very wary of private psycologists' reports but equallyit may take some time before a school can arrange for an Ed Psych's report. I don't know what it is like in your LA but in ours there was only a limited amount of Ed Psych time allocated to each school and if it has already been assigned to children already at the school you might have to wait some time for a slot.

If you feel that you can't wait for that, and, you don't mind spending money on a private report which, while the school may not recognise it, would relieve you of some uncertainty and worry now, I wouldn't discourage you from just doing it! And try for a GP referral to CAHMS.

But keep the school informed about what you are doing, they should be pleased to be kept aware. SENCos are not, in general, enemies of parents even though you might hear the odd horror story.

mrsmilktray · 13/11/2015 12:31

'He is at a state school now and the SEN team (who I have had a meeting with before he joined the school) met my son and believed there was no reason to refer him because he was showing no signs of SEN - only anger issues, which were never displayed during meetings and only in certain situations

Behavioural difficulties are an SEN. The school should absolutely be asking an ed psych to assess your ds. Phone ipsea and sossen - they will give excellent advice.

maizieD · 13/11/2015 12:57

Sorry, I didn't pick up on the fact that the school has dismissed any idea of SEN. Anger issues are pretty important too. The school should have strategies in place to deal with that, as well, even if they don't believe it's SEN..

Good advice - contact IPSEA

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