Stressed out 7yr old

[scrappydappydoo]

I am worried about dd2. She has just moved up to junior school and is not coping with the work side of it.
Her behaviour deteriorated during the summer term of yr2 when they were doing their SATs. She didn't 'know' she was doing SATs but then she was sobbing and worrying over the 'hard' special work she had to do. She did 'ok' in the end - mostly 2cs. She then spent the summer worrying about the hard work in jrs despite our reassurances. However once term started she seemed fine.
And now halfway through the first term she is falling apart again. She has been stressing over spelling tests - she told me today she is frightened of them. She was crying over the 'tricky' maths homework - which was just basic 2 times table stuff and we have frequent tears over reading. Her teacher is lovely and at parents evening has said she will keep an eye but she seems to bottle it in at school and it all comes out at home.
I want to go back to speak to her teacher but I don't know what outcomes I should expect. I want something more than 'I'll keep an eye' and I want her to stop feeling the pressure but I also don't want her to fall behind academically and then get more stressed. Any advice?

I'm going through similar with my Ds who has just started juniors. However his teacher is useless and dismissive and just sees his outbursts (crying and moodiness) as unpleasant unacceptable behaviour when he is in fact crying every Sunday night because he doesn't want to go to school as he finds it too tricky (maths mainly).

We wrote a letter to the headteacher and had a meeting today with her and the teacher and some measures are being put in place along with weekly phone calls to me from the teacher.

You need to get tough in my opinion. Good luck it's awful as a parent to see your child's anxiety when they are still so little really.

My only advice... try and do short 5 minutes of time tables & spellings at home with her every day and read books together. Support her homework tasks but don't do it for her... just provide the resources for her. School is only going to get harder from now on and imagine how would she feel if she will get right to the bottom of the class. If I were you, I would do small tasks together and praise her for trying her best. Point out every time she does something independently. Encourage good friendships too. Good luck!

I totally agree with nicp123.
5 mins every day makes a big difference in long term.
And she will notice the difference, and start to get her confidence back.
Good luck.

Thanks for replies. Socially she is fine - actually far less complicated friendship stuff than her older sister! It just seems to be the work that she gets stressed about. We try very hard to get a good balance at home of getting the work done but taking the pressure off and yes we do lots of short bursts of stuff.
Tanfastic - what kind of measures have you put in place?

I'd try to keep emphasising reasonable effort over actual results, help her maintain a good balance of schoolwork and other activities, and work on switching off when not actually working and on explaining and modelling techniques for managing anxiety in general. 7 is still young, she might just need for you to tell her it's going to be ok, that her expectations of herself dont have to be set so high.

Wrote a long post then tablet bloody turned off, this is the shortened version.

Play games to build confidence, there are some great free maths and reading games you can get for free online that can be printed off. Often you just need a set of dice to play.

Computer programs and apps, the children love them and it feels less like work so less stress. Learning is still happening. Mathletics and Reading Eggs are very popular with my dd1 aged 6.

Maths stories. List here might have something on it to help build confidence.

Role play. Shop is a good one. You can do the 2, 5 and 10 times tables using imaginary prices that are multiples of 2,5 or 10 and use real money to make it more fun.

I know.you are all recommending games which is great. But the issue you have is the testing the panic she feels, the failure, others getting 10/10 the comments from kids.
Yes this is a big part of school, but i have no.ideas how to improve. Will hang round for ideas.

She sounds extremely stressed, especially if it is ruining the holidays. I would suggest that if you have a nice GP, that you take her to see them (if not is there a sympathetic GP in the practice?).

Acknowledge her worries, and listen to her.

Praise her for effort.

Do not spend too long on homework.

Make sure she eats well and gets plenty of exercise.
Try to find outside activities that she can enjoy, ideally with children from other schools.

Try to read for fun. Play games involving numbers etc.

Yes thank you Sally i think that's it. Although I do appreciate the bigger picture/confidence building ideas.
I don't want to dismiss her feelings but the school isn't particularly pushy, her teachers are supportive and understanding, and she is the type of child who would tell me if kids are making comments. We carefully balance after school activities, make sure she has a proper nights sleep and try to encourage her as much as we can but I still have this little ball of stress that basically melts down at home over schoolwork and I really worry about her ability to cope in a few years time :(

Please do take her to the GP. 1 in 10 children do have mental health issues, and they need help.

Also you don't really know what the school is really like. My middle child had a very different experience at the same school as the others. Partly it was the other children. But also just some different teachers, some different policies (education is changing all the time), and different children pick up different messages from the unspoken curriculum.
My youngest had the worst time, as her not understanding the unspoken expectations and struggling with social interaction were all seen as her being disruptive and unpleasant. And once labelled it was hard to get past that.

I think I'd take her to the GP in that case.

I think you could benefit from seeing the GP. I went to my GP when my daughter was in Y2 and stressed beyond belief by all kinds of tiny things that really weren't important (not school work in her case, but I am not sure that what the trigger is really matters). Like you, I absolutely was not putting pressure on her - she made it all herself. She had a couple of terms of art therapy through CAMHS and it has transformed her life. Also, the therapist did say to me that it was great that we had flagged up the anxiety issue early as it was much harder to fix later on when behaviours had become entrenched.