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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

advice needed - my 5 year old DD says she's no friends!!!!!!

16 replies

ellanatal · 07/12/2006 19:05

i'm sure she does have some but she said she sits and talks to the teacher on playground duty rather than playing with the other kids! she's the oldest of my 3 and has always been better in adult company- she's also quite a mature 5 yr old & the teacher had thought this was why she wasnt playing as much. how do i encourage her to play with her classmates without making it into a big deal?

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ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 07/12/2006 19:06

tbh would have expected the teacher to have done something?

But you could arrnage some playdates with likely chums.

Original poster

ellanatal · 07/12/2006 19:11

The teacher said she thinks she's only doing it when she's on playground duty but i'm not too sure! its been tricky inviting friends round - i've got my hands full with a 2.2 yr old and a 15 wk old but now i'm in some sort of routine then maybe if i invite one a fortnight it might make her play. we had one girl from school round last week but all she wnated to do was play with the baby which didnt help!

OP posts:

ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 07/12/2006 19:26

Well, how about arranging it with someone with a single child an then inviting the mum too?

wethreekingsofORINOCOare · 07/12/2006 21:47

My dd1 is just like this too. And Mum says I was - and my sister remembers walking around the playground with the teacher, until she was about 8. My sister and I are now both (fairly!) well adjusted adults with plenty of friends.
I think the crucial thing is - is she happy? If she is, don't worry. If it's bothering her, then try go for the playdates. But don't make a big issue of it.

hth

NOELallie · 08/12/2006 07:59

I was the same. It really is just a matter of time. It will get better. The teacher can only do so much - if your DD doesn't want to be with or if nervous of being with kids of her own age no-one can make her. I do think that one-to-one playdates are the way to go - in her own territory she'll be more confident. It doesn't have to be hard work - you don't have to do things with them, you don't even really have to supervise that closely - just let them be together in her room and pop up everynow and again to make sure all is well. Make sure that the childs parents pick up from you and then you'll only be doing the school run as normal.

Original poster

ellanatal · 08/12/2006 11:27

thanks for those posts - they've helped me feel better for my DD! i had a chat with the teacher this morning and she said she would try and encourage her to play when she was on duty! but i had to stay at school this morning for the nativity play and they had a bit of playtime before it - where was my dd....... with the teacher who i'd just spoken to!!!!!
so i've organised a playdate for next week and she's got a party which she's going to go to with another kid and her mum.
just breaks my heart the thought of her being lonely at school - dont think she thinks theres anything wrong with it!

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mysonsmummy · 08/12/2006 22:29

by going by what the teacher said about it just being with her - do you think maybe the teacher is showing her lots of attention and dd likes it. just seems a strange thing for the teacher to say. IYKWIM. at home at the moment dd is sharing you with her 2 siblings (and rightly so) but she has the teacher to herself in the playground. ignore me if im completely off the mark.

Original poster

ellanatal · 09/12/2006 09:51

MSM - never thought of it like that - maybe she is just wanting some more one-on-one attention. Now i feel really sad for her that she's not getting enough of it at home.We really try to have time alone with her - she's out swimming with my dh right now and we do chat just her and i - my 2yr old ds hasnt started talking properly yet so she does get that time but maybe we should try and do more. Going to keep going with the playdate idea and see if that helps but with the xmas hols coming not sure how it'll work. Thanks again for ur post.

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mysonsmummy · 09/12/2006 12:20

i am so glad you took the post how it was meant. sometimes i write things trying to be helpful and because i dont phrase it right it comes out wrong. IYKWIM. actually i only have 1 to give my attention to and i struggle - 3 and you have to be superwomean - and time to your husband as well. your doing a great job. good luck with dd.

Labradora · 09/12/2006 20:03

Hello

Just a thought. Maybe your DD1 would feel more comfortable making friends with older children since she is more mature. It may be that her peer group does not fall within her age group. Just an idea to keep in reserve if the playdates with her age group don't work out. You sound very busy. Best of luck with it all.

Original poster

ellanatal · 10/12/2006 09:22

Thnaks labradora - i had suggested to her that she play with the kids in Y2 but she said all the classes kind of stick together - she does tend to drift toward the kids who are older for her year (she's one of the youngest) so thats who the playdate is organised with. Just want her to have a special friend at school - you know yourself how hard school can be and it would be great for her to have someone to turn to!

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tortoiseBells · 10/12/2006 09:41

It might not be the same, but ds1 went through a phase of saying he had no friends, and preferring to spend time with the teacher. BUT, in fact, everyone in the class wanted to play with him, he was just oblivious! He's now got a really nice group of friends - a 'best friend' plus about three others who all play together. I think it is good to encourage them to play with their peers - does she interact with them in the classroom?

Labradora · 10/12/2006 20:31

My DD2 is a loner. From the little I can observe, I think she is popular but prefers to play on her own, but I don't really know as I am not a fly on the wall during the large part of the school day. I would hate to think that she is lonely. Since we we are about to relocate I don't want to start investing in relationships that she will not be able to sustain. However when we move I suspect I shall have to give her a helping hand with playdates etc. Please post on MN to let us know how you get on - I'll watch this thread with great interest..

worcestercaroline · 10/12/2006 20:52

some children do just like to walk around with the teacher, they soon get bored of it. Am surprised teacher has not encouraged her to go off and play. Often I would have 4 or 5 trying to hold my hand I'd just suggest " who can be the 1st 1 to the wall and back" or " who can find their initial letter on the letter snake" then they would be off. As long as she plays/works with other children in the classroom I would not worry about it. Its not cos shes worried about being knocked down in the playground or anything like that is it, might be a reason why she stays close to teacher! just a thought

Original poster

ellanatal · 11/12/2006 10:16

thanks or ur posts! i dont think she is a loner - she talks to much for that - think she just isnt good at having silly girly fun! she's really bright and we have to stop her spending the whole day reading at the weekend! think if we can encourage her to have more silly fun at home then she might get on better at school! so i've told her when her wee classmate comes today that i'll leave them alone upstairs as long as they're happy to play - want to not encourage her friends just to come here to play with the baby! will let u know how it goes

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PamiNativity · 13/12/2006 11:57

This is very interesting, as my dd1, also 5, is just the same. If I ask her who she played with at school she just says "I was alone". I know that she does play with other girls some of the time, but she doesn't like to break into their groups if they are already playing. She's a very straight forward girl, so if they do the usual girl thing of saying "You can't play with us because..." then she takes it at face value. I hate the thought of her being on her own in a massive playground . It's puzzling though, as she gets invited to lots of parties, goes on playdates and has already received loads of Christmas cards. I think she just doesn't like the hurly burly of the playground and the associated politics. In a way it is comforting to know that she's not the only one

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