Bugg*er it all! I just want to cry.

[NOELallie]

DS#1 is 9 and in yr 5. DS was a slow starter at achool to say the least. He hit a peak at school in yr 3 when he had a teacher who really suited him and he began to do quite well. But since then things have gone down hill. He had an low average sort of parents evening this term - not too bad but certainly not that good. A few weeks before that I was called in to see his Maths teacher who was worried that he wouldn't concentrate in class. She was very nice about it and obviously had his best interests at heart. So we restarted the omega oils, started getting him to bed much earlier etc. Now DS's writing is not great and his reading is only OK, but his Maths was always very good I thought - he does his hw really well and enthusiastically (with a little help from us).But I got called in today to see the teacher again today - ostensibly to let me know how they are taught to do division so I could help him - but more I think to let me know that he still isn;'t concentrating and his work is suffering. She also implied that she doesn't think his maths skills are that good and was quite surprised that I thought otherwise. I just feel like crying - the one thing that I thought he was doing well with is yet another weak point.

There's something else that is worrying me about all this - I used to drink a litle when I was pregnant with him (the advice then was very moderate drinking was Ok in pregnancy). Since then the advice has changed and there is this horrible feeling in the back of my mind that hie inablilty to concentrate is down to me. I know it probably isn't but I can't shake the thought

I doubt it's anything to do with you. Sometimes I've had problems with one of my 5. It never matters long term yet seems important at the time. Keep on with the early nights, fish oil, a good diet, encouraging him, may be doing a bit of extra but fun work at home or even a tutor. Have him tested may be for anything like ADD.

Just a very quick note on the last point NOELAllie - there must be quite literally tens of thousands of graduates, PHDs and others whose mothers were knocking back more than the odd sherry in the '60s and '70s. Then there is the entire French nation ........

Oh no don't blame yourslef, you are doing all the right things. Like Xenia said it may be medical. It might be he just doesn't respond well to this particular teacher. You can only do your best and so can he

Hi - please don't worry re the alcohol - you're in good company!! I would try a tutor if you can afford it - we have and it's REALLY helped our ds (now 6 and has had one for 6 months)

Noelallie, please don't be thinking that you did anything wrong at all. You would probably be surprised at how many children have problems with maths, its a subject that lots take a long time to "get". Plus boys generally find it harder to concentrate for long periods of time compared to girls, they want to use their energy physically.
Does he do any sports?

I would lose the guilt unless you were drinking a bottle of scotch a day!

I suspect that if you coached your son for half an hour each day after school you would see slow but steady progress. Might be worth banning TV for a while to see if that helps his concentration and also concentrating on a healthy, additive and preservative free diet with lots of exercise. Also make sure you help build his self esteem by allowing him to develop the things he enjoys. I also think you need to work with the school on a plan to help him. It's horrible when your child doesn't have an easy path through life for whatever reason but getting some perspective this situation doesn't have to be a negative one. If you support your child through this as you obviously want to good things will come to you both I am sure.

mousie
xxx

The odd drink when pg does not cause children to struggle temporarily at school, joellalie. Sorry you are having a difficult time with ds1 at the mo but do not feel guilty about it.
As Cam says, maths can take time to assimilate. It is consistently the lowest scored of the three SATs assessments, remember.

mousiemousie - the teacher did suggest some 'games' to help him with is maths which will be most helpful and I'll be happy to do those with him. We've always messed about with numbers and he's enjoyed it which is why I don't understand why she thinks he has a core problem with the subject. I think that TV may be a problem - when we all get in from school/work it's just too easy to let them watch and do nothing for a while.

bethelcam - he does karate and cricket (not atm though). We are also lucky enough to live near a park so he spends quite a lot of time playing impromptu cricket, footie and riding his bike etc. He does need quite a bit of physical exercise to keep him happy.

xenia - it was touched on last year but apparently they didn't think there was anything seriously wrong. Just a natural born dreamer I'm afraid.

3senough - if you don't mind me asking, how much do you pay for your tutor? Money is tight but if I could find someone who could catch his interest it might be worthwhile.

Thanks amicissima - I've asked for a brochure. Do they do courses in paying attention though

Is there something that keeps his attention either at school or at home? If there is something that really absorbs him could you use that in some way to motivate him and build his self-esteem? My DS1 has improved enormously at school since he has found out he can succeed outside school at drumming and swimming. Another thing - I've heard that any nutritional benefits from supplements/exclusions or any change in diet can take a minimum of 3 months to show effect, so stick with it and don't despair.

I feel that most of the parent problems I encounter are all down to something I did or ommitted to do - but I am reassured when I hear it is part of the territory to feel Mummy guilt often and often! I bet his teacher has plenty of kids each year that dream rather than concentrate in his/her maths lessons!

Thanks Labradora - the really frustrating thing is that at home he concentrates really well on his hw - especially maths which he loves and does quite well. I had a long session with him yesterday when we sat down and talked through the number line technique for division that they teach them in school. He loved it and didn't want to stop. I am close to asking if perhaps I can sit in on a class with him - if he does need 10e-to-one in school he sure isn't going to get it otherwise!

He does karate and cricket and is quite good at both (the latter isn't so good as there are looong gaps in play where he drifts off TBH). He listens to and reads really quite grown-up novels and has no problem with the concepts in them. He also has no problem concentrating on PS2 either . He's been taking omega oils for about 6 months but I do admit we have gaps where I forget to buy them

Sorry - meant one-to-one obviously

When did you last get his hearing and vision tested - could be that he is finding it heard to follow in a class set-up? Ask him a question when his back is turned to you, or in a really noisy environment. If you think it's worth checking him then the school nurse will set it up for you (school office can provide nurse contact no.)

Thanks Labradora. That is a very good idea.

NOEL, you've had some great advice here, I just wanted to add A) Forget the guilt, you've done nothing to your boy except be his loving mum! and B) take the long view....school seems the be all and end all now but it is only part of his life. My brother was probably very similar or in fact less of an acheiver than your boy through school, and had un-diagnosed dyslexia too. School never enthused him and his exams were dismal to non-existent. He's gone on to have the best, most adventurous, glamourous, successful life of anyone I know and is currently living abroad and is a writer! I hope that shows that while school is important, it's not a predictor for the rest of his life at all.

I would say keep supporting him without pressuring him, make sure he has got interests outside school if possible....I'm sure he will be fine!