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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

My daughter hates me !

18 replies

tomps · 07/12/2006 16:18

Bit melodramataic, but that's how I feel at the moment - lots of tears from both of us. I would be very grateful to hear from anyone whose children's behaviour went through some nasty patches after starting Reception class. Dd loved school at first but has become quite sullen and aggressive - both verbally and physically - towards me. She seems exhausted but also furious with me - I know not why ! Not sure how much of this is school or me or just her 'going through a phase'. Really feel I'm letting her down at the moment. So would love to hear from anyone whose dd/ds went haywire after starting school, but then miraculously turned into wonderful and enthusiastic little person ! Thankyou in advance.

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MulledRubyRiojaWine · 07/12/2006 16:21

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PamiNativity · 07/12/2006 16:22

Poor you! Does it help to realise that she will be absolutely knackered after her first term at school? I think all the kids in dd1's Reception year were the same last year. Certainly dd1 was - she found the term really stressful and tiring and we ended up having quite a few barneys.
Can you try and get some nice time on your own with her? That's what I tried to do with dd1 - took her to a cafe for hot chocolate and biscuits etc. I'm doing something with her next week on her own as well (v hard to manage with 3 dds and working nearly full-time) just to make sure that she realises I don't just nag about homework/music practice/putting her shoes away

Sobernoel · 07/12/2006 16:23

This happened with both of my dds in their first term in Reception. I told myself it was a)because they were knackered at the end of each day and b) because so much new information is going in about what to do and how to behave that they have to let their frustration out somewhere. they know they can't kick off at school so Mum gets it.

They did calm down and although I can't honestly say they have turned into angels, they certainly stopped treating me like crap. If you can, don't cram too much into this christmas break and let her lie about a bit. She'll recharge her batteries and, if you make Jan 1st and 2nd really boring, she'll be desperate to get back to school.

cazzybabs · 07/12/2006 16:24

They are all so tired and over excitied! My class are all faling out with each other. Have you tried a few early nights and also talking to the teacher. Maybe something is worring her and so she is taking it out on you.

CarolSheetTurner · 07/12/2006 16:26

Agree with sobernoel. My two were pretty hideous by this time of their first terms at school. It does get better next term, honest. can't wait til ds2 goes next september!

Original poster

tomps · 07/01/2007 21:06

So sorry not to reply sooner. Thankyou very much all. It's always good to know it's not just us experiencing this ! Thankyou.

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MummyPenguin · 08/01/2007 19:29

Wait till she's nearly 11 (like my DD) and the hormones are starting to kick in annd it's all attitude, answering back and mood swings all the way.

Chipstick · 08/01/2007 21:14

The terrible twos are an absolute doddle compared to firey fives.

We sailed through the so called terrible twos and were admittedly somewhat smug about our perfect little girl who didn't have a single paddy or strop.

Then she started school....omg.....we genuinely did not know what had hit us. She was hideous.

Absolutely exhausted, grumpy, rude, aggressive - our little darling had been replaced by a horror.

I adored school holidays during reception, we got our lovely little girl back.

She is now in year one and we are seeing really positive changes. We have to be quite regimental with our routine - she's always in bed by 6.30 on a school night for example.

Its not you, I'm sure you're a wonderful mum and it really is 'a phase' that will pass - honestly, we've been there (and not looking forward to it again next year when ds starts!!)

Big Hugs

Original poster

tomps · 11/01/2007 22:08

Thankyou you two too. After a hideous walk home after her first day back at school it's got much better. Not least because I'm thrusting food at her as soon as I see her, which really seems to help ! And we've done some nice things after school too and I've been very patient, so her behaviour's been much better. Onwards and upwards

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Original poster

tomps · 23/01/2007 11:08

Any chance of some more advice please ? Think I'm getting so confused with reading different child behaviour stuff that I've forgotten what to do myself. Yesterday after her after school activity, dd's behaviour was vile. Whingy, really angry when told no (to things I'd explained earlier would not be possible to do as too late after school), hitting, 'shut up', completely uncooperative with trying to get her dresseed to get home. We were at a leisure centre. All I could think about was getting her out of there without hurting her, on to the bus and home for food and sleep. I was very very cross, shouted at her, ignored her (not at same time !) blah blah. When I was being cross at her and she was hitting me I could see in her eyes that she really needed me to take control and stop her behaviour, but I just couldn't think how to do it. Horrible, and I'm really upset about it. In retrospect she was of course very hungry and tired. When we were calmer and walking home I explained how her behaviour was unacceptable. But I feel lousy, it's my fault for not dealing appropriately with her behaviour. This morning was very difficult too but I did not get cross and hurrah had a brainwave to get her out of the house (said it's so cold we might see polar bears, let's see who can spot one first). She totally engaged, her behaviour and mood immediately improved and we were not late to school. But sometimes I do not have a creative thought in my head !Maybe a marble / pasta jar system would work for us ?

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Budababe · 23/01/2007 11:11

Have to say I didn't encourage any after-school activities in Reception. Had play-dates with good friends (i.e. the Mums were my friends too!). They are so tired after school.

I offer a snack at pick-up and then a snuggle on the sofa with a book or TV. Seems to rejuvenate DS for a while anyway!

He is now in Year 1 and still not doing afterschool activities.

NotAnOtter · 23/01/2007 11:17

my four year old does nursey till 4 3 days a week
he goes to bed at 4.30 for an hour and a half then has tea when he gets up - otherwise he is unbearable
try to remember YOU are in cotrol - be firm with her otherwise this pattern could continue

Steward · 23/01/2007 12:12

Do not know if this will help but have you thought about a good behaviour sticker chart. Every time she behaves she gets a sticker to put on the chart. If after a week she has nothing but good stickers on her chart she gets treated to something which you decide. If any point she is nnaughty then you put a cross on the chart. Also the distraction thing that you did is very good abd de-fuses the situation before it starts.

Bad behaviour at home could be treated with naughty step or chair where they are put for a minute for eache year of their age, ie 4yrs old - 4 minutes on the chair. At the end if better get her to apologise or if still naughty do another 4 minutes until behaviour improves.

Hope it helps

Original poster

tomps · 23/01/2007 12:35

thanks again. Sticker chart and time out stair seem a bit young for her now. I think the pasta jar thing is what we need to try. The reason I get so upset about dd's behaviour is because I feel I am really letting her down by not helping her improve her behaviour, so I feel much more positive having wasted all morning reading problem behaviour threads on mumsnet ! I have a plan, hopefully it will work.

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Enid · 23/01/2007 12:39

you are not alone

actually my 4 year old is a joy but my just-7 year old...dont even GO there

damewashalot · 23/01/2007 12:43

My ds2 is in reception and hard work at the momment, he decided he was going to pack a case and move out to live with a nice family the other day he makes me laugh. They just get tired and grumpy, it's a big change for them it does get better, honest.

scatterbrain · 23/01/2007 12:46

My 6yr old dd hates me too !! She is Daddy daddy daddy all the time - when i pick her up from school she tells me she doesn't want me she wants Daddy etc etc - was upset at first - now I think - cool - he can get up to her in the night, etc etc - if that's what she wants !!!

This morning she hit me quite hard - and said it was because she wished I wasn't her mummy and why didn't I go away and live somewhere else !!

I am so not in a good mood now !

It's all swings and roundabouts I guess - next month she'll be my girl again !

Original poster

tomps · 23/01/2007 13:23

Oh scatterbrain I hope you're popular again soon ! Similarly, dd adores her daddy and I love that they have their own special relationship. BUT it can be REALLY annoying after another horrible after school experience to hear her merrily chatting away with daddy at bathtime and having SO much fun. I am cast in the Wicked Witch role against my will !

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