5 year old & self-esteem

[SarkyMummy]

My 5 year old daughter told me this evening that she sometimes doesn't like herself and wants to 'put herself in the bin' when she makes mistakes at school.

Don't know if it's connected but she's been having year 1 baseline tests this week.

I'm pretty upset that she she feels this way. Is it a common feeling expressed in a dramatic way? Should I be concerned about her self esteem and resilience? Should I be concerned about her school's culture and the messages its teaching? (I doubt the latter - I feel they're pretty good on messaging).

Tell me I haven't screwed her up somehow! ??

My DD is like this, she's 7 now. Puts herself under ridiculous pressure to get things right at school.

I'd have a chat with the teacher, find out what expectations there are in the class.

Is she anxious about other things, or is it just since the test?

Is she a perfectionist? If so, perhaps lots of talk about how we learn by making mistakes

Ds is older but we have been having chats about how tests are there to show the teacher what you know, it's not embarrassing to get things wrong, everyone works at their own pace etc

Dd (5) hasnt expressed the same sentiment as your dd but can be very over dramatic and put herself down when she's cross

Thanks Team Bacon. She's pretty anxious about being able to do things right - be it sports or school work. She also can't stand it for people to know she's fallen over and hurt herself, for example. But this is the first time I've heard her articulate her feeling so starkly.

I will definitely raise it with her teacher next week at parents' evening.

Regardless of where it comes from, I'm guessing the most important thing is to reach foster resilience and encourage. Any top tips?

@BYOSnowman. Thinks she is but not because we've pushed her (knowingly anyway).

Think you're right about the tests and that's how they've been presented at school but kids pick up on vibes don't they?

'Effing tests!

I read something about girls needing to be told to be less perfect and take risks as they do have a tendency to perfectionism

If you google I'm sure the article gave tips on how to push girls out of their comfort zone (although my ds is more like this than my dd so definitely not just a girl thing!)

There are also books you can get that tell the story of people who have succeeded due to their failures. I can't think of the one I got ds but will look in his room tomorrow. We do a lot of chatting about what would happen if you came last in the race etc. We then talk about how nice it is for your friend that came first etc

How is she at losing board games?

BYO. Thanks I'll look it up.

She's ok about losing board games, but obviously enjoys winning more!

Yes - well I know that feeling!

Praise for effort, rather than telling her she is good at something, or clever, or whatever.

Deliberately look for opportunities to model making mistakes and learning from them.