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DD struggling to make friend in new class

4 replies

peppajay · 06/11/2015 17:21

My daughter is 9 and having some friendship issues at school. Her school mixes the classes every 2 years and this year she is in a class with very few of her old classmates which initially I was happy about as I felt she needed to make new friends. She already knew one of the girls from an out of school activity so she tended to play with her at the beginning of the year but now she is being told by this girl and a few of her friends that she cant play with them anyone. All this week she has had no one to play with - when they mixed the classes they tended to put groups of friends together and although she went into her new class with 2 friends they are 2 girls who are really pally with each other and dont really involve her.

She is extremely social and loves the social side of school- she has never had issues with friendships before mainly because the same group of 8 girls have been together since nursery- they were a few girly squabbles but nothing major. Now to make it worse her 3 really good friends who are in other classes won't let her join in at playtimes.

I am not a parent who goes running to the teacher everytime someone upsets her- I am always telling her she needs to sort things out on her own and in fact I have never had to speak to a teacher about anything as she is so happy go lucky and social things are usually sorted out by her, but she is visibly upset that she is being left out and feels unwanted in her new class. She says she has told her teacher about the fact that no one wants to let her play but her teacher has said she is at school to 'teach' not to sort out friendships. Also one of the boys in her class is having a firework party tonight and all the girls have been invited except her as the majority of girls in the class were in this boys old class. For someone so confident and social she is really struggling socially. Would it be wrong of me to speak the teacher and if so what can she do??

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Pancakeflipper · 06/11/2015 17:26

Is there a TA in the classroom? If so I would have a quiet word as they often see the friendship dynamics really well.

Is your daughter inviting friends?

cansu · 06/11/2015 17:37

I would ask to speak to teacher yourself. I am a teacher of this age group and whilst I don't get involved in everything, I would certainly be happy to help with this by getting girls together and trying to work out what the problems are. Be prepared to listen though in case your dd has been involved in some unkind behaviour herself.

peppajay · 06/11/2015 17:52

This is why I don't normally get involved as I know children can exaggerate and not tell all sides of the story and I think it is quite likely that she could have said or done unkind stuff as well but whereas usually things like this are sorted pretty quickly with her she does seem very upset and different to when she was with her old familiar group. In a way I think it is so good that she has been split up as it gets her used to when she goes to secondary school and also teaches her how to make new friends. I think I thought she wouldn't struggle as she is so social but other kids just seem to not want her playing with them. Horrible seeing her sad and just want to help her but also want her to learn how to sort out friendship dynamics herself and it seems like she is trying but not very successfully. I think I will have a word with her teacher on Monday. Can't believe she has gone all the way to yr 5 and I haven't had to speak to a teacher before.

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TeddTess · 06/11/2015 18:17

can she move to another class to be with other friends?
the fact you have got to yr5 without going in will stand you in good stead, they should listen to you, you're not a parent who is in at every slight whinge.

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