What to do if you disagree with class teacher about your child?

[workatemylife]

Sorry. This one opens a whole can of worms, I know. DC seems very happy at school the teaching staff are generally very positive in their feedback. But a couple of weeks ago I picked up a letter in DCs bag asking me to make an appointment with the teacher. I responded quickly, and arranged a meeting.

I like the fact that an effort was made to involve parents. We discussed the situation, and the teacher presented her plan of action. Here the problems start. As a parent, I strongly believe that the approach would have negative consequences for DC, and will impact negatively on self confidence and progress in an area in which I know DC has worked hard to keep up. I said in the meeting that I would prefer that we try to agree on the approach to be taken. The class teacher took some notes and said she would talk to another teacher in the year-group.

I've heard nothing since from the school. But on Monday it became apparent that the teacher has already started to implement her plan of action. DC said something at home that made me wonder if this was the case, and when I asked for more detail DCs narrative made it clear what had happened. For the record, DC hates what is being asked, so I feel that my gut instinct was correct. But what can I do now? I know some things are best left to professional judgement, but if a school invites a parent to a discussion, and the parent objects to the proposed action, can the school just go ahead and do it anyway? WWYD - request another meeting, or give it time to see if DC starts to come round to the idea?

Is it not possible to try to get hold of the teacher at the end of the school day? Ask if she meantime had a chance to think about what was discussed in the meeting, has she spoken to her colleague and where do we go from here? See what she says and take it from there.

Generally discussions with parents are just for show and the teacher does what they judge best regardless.

There's very little you can do.

Difficult to comment in the abstract like this, I'm afraid.......

Not at Primary but in a similar position here. Dd has autism, she is also refusing to attend PE. The school's strategy to get her to attend won't work, I've told them it won't work but they are ploughing on regardless.
I'll just wait until they acknowledge their way doesn't work and ask me for ideas that might work. If I though their strategies might harm dd I'd ask for a meeting with the SENCo as it stands now they are just wasting her TA's time and dd getting a walk round the school won't hurt her..
I'd ask for another meeting with the teacher to clarify rather than assuming that what your dc said was gospel tbh

I think you have to trust the teacher's judgement. She's taught an awful lot more children than you have.

But in any situation you don't like you have 3 choices:
*Put up with it (in which case, shut up about it and don't moan)
*Change it (may take some time and careful negotiation)
*Move away from it

Can you tell what this is about? I have seen some issues with phobias, selective mutism, and school refusal, really horribly mismanaged by well-meaning teachers in our "outstanding" school who think they know better than parents. This has had long term consequences for the families concerned.

I would not trust the judgement of a teacher if it goes against my instinct about my child. A teacher may have very limited training and experience in dealing with the self confidence of a young child who has anxiety issues, for instance.

I think the actual issue has a huge bearing.
I faced this with DD and reading in year 2, I suggested that the DD was on was not challenging her and she was whizzing through and making mistakes to get the job done. Told to climb back in my shell so I did. (Year 3 teacher agreed with me). Also that year DD was bullied same teacher again rubbish plan, but in this instance I wouldn't let it lie.

You probably know your child better than the teacher. Teachers can be expert at handling difficulties that they have handled many times before in the context of school and behavior, but not always so good when faced with a child whose personality is harder to read. Don't be fobbed off with the 'I am the professional' talk - they are, but this does not make them experts in every type of child.
If your child is willing to go along with whatever it is the teacher is doing, I wouldn't interfere, but if negative consequences do become apparent I wouldn't hesitate to go back and ask for another meeting.

Thank you for the feedback. I know I've been vague about the issue, but because I think it is sufficiently personal to DC that I'd rather not be identified on here. Apologies to Bertrand and Clara.

I think my first reaction was anger, but that's probably not the right response for anyone's best interests. I think I might just sit it out for a bit, and then try to catch the teacher at the start / end of a day and ask how she thinks things are going. Especially if DC comes round to the idea in the meantime. If not, I can at least say that it seems that things are not going so well, so could we think about why. I absolutely accept that my information from my own child may be less than objective. "I hate xyz" may actually mean xyz is hard but could turn out well if we stick with it.

I'm sure that in general I know my child better than the teacher given that they only met a few weeks ago, but yes, MrsLeigh, I'm also sure that the teacher has encountered more young children in education than I have, and is the only one of us who sees what is going on in the classroom when angels turn into demons

Impossible to comment when you're so vague. I'm going to read between the lines and guess that the teacher has identified your dc as needing more support in something and wanted to put some form of intervention in place but you don't want that as you feel it will dint your dcs confidence but you recognise it is a problem and you've been working on it? Or do you disagree that there is an issue?