"I don't want to go to school!" �� And homework!!!! ������

[SilverLoopy]

And cue the tears. DD is 6 and in Y2.

We have had this a lot since the start of the year. I was hoping it was tiredness brought on by getting back into school routine, but it's continuing. The usual reasons given are that she misses me too much and the work is too hard and she doesn't enjoy it. I have been at home for the last six months on maternity leave instead of working full time, but she does know that there's nothing fun going on here.

And the drama about homework! Does anyone else's DC dissolve into tears at the mere mention of the word? How have you coped with all of this because I'm ready to crack? I've tried saying she only has to do a couple of pages of her reading book instead of the whole thing, or do things in different ways, but it's hard to think of different ways to do things all the time, so I end up just letting it slide because I can't cope with the tears.

When I get back to work in a few weeks it'll be even harder because I won't get home until late and then she's tired as well. My mum or sister has her after school and although they try to do homework with her they get a similar response :( Any suggestions?

I've no advice but I'm in the same situation with my little boy. He's in Y1 and is finding it very hard and unenjoyable compared to reception. His birthday is 31 August so he's the youngest in the year which doesn't help.

Bribery? DD is in year 1 and I work most days. For some reason we never get it done at the weekend like we should so I end up bribing her the night before it is due in. Nothing massive - maybe an extra episode of her favourite programme before bed.

I feel your pain though - some of the mums at school report their children are keen as mustard to get on with homework and reading, but I don't have one of those. Only the threat of having to bring the same book home from school for another week is enough to get the books read in time. She would honestly read the instructions on the back of a washing powder box in preference to the reading scheme books. I despair sometimes.

Not much help I am afraid, especially as your DD probably has even more to do in yr 2, but you have my sympathy.

You have my sympathies. As the registered keeper of the boy version of a Y2 I'm very familiar with this scenario. He gets spellings and a bit of maths. But he will dither and whine for longer than the actual homework would take.
We have approached it by doing a teeny bit each day when he gets home. He gets a drink and a biscuit and we deliberately keep it short. We've had a small amount of success with this, though there are still bad weeks.

homework

I don't know what you have, but I would ignore everything except reading. Homework is not compulsory, and if school complains, let them know that it has caused so many melt downs and distress that as a family you have decided to suspend it for the time being. (wish I had done this with ds)

But reading is important.
Could you try -
change the time, try reading after breakfast, after bath time, come in and have snack then read, in the car.

try bribery, have a jar with marbles, every page read is a marble in the (small) jar, full jar = prize/sweets
or more simply line of chocolate buttons, eat one at the bottom of the page.

Can you talk to dd and ask her when she would like to read?

Use a timer, read for 10 minutes (5 if 10 is too long) and when timer goes she is finished?

If she has read book once and is fine and hasn't changed the book, then I have always let mine read any book they like and written that into their reading record. This gives an added incentive that once you have finished the scheme book you can chose.
If necessary, download a book and read it on line.

make jokes about the books. When the books are rubbish/old fashioned, I used to make little jokes/comments about the story 'look at that, fancy having a bike like that, it looks like the bike Uncle x had when he was little'

i have the same with my son, so i focus on maths and reading and writing. With the hope that any other knowledge can be acquired later if necessary.

As for reward systems, I don't think they work with this type of child. It needs to be tweaked ever so slightly to hand the power back to them. Not a reward system. A choice system. The difference seems to subtle to be very different but it makes a huge difference.

ie, offer a few get out of this cards a week. I don't know, take a pack of cards and give her three Jacks. (four might be too many). One jack = the power to choose herself not to participate in one thing. One thing might equal the reading for example. But not the entire night's homework.

You have to fake insouciance. It won't work otherwise as the pressure of the 'bribe' or the reward can be overwhelming and add to the stress.
So you give them back the power. But if and when they choose to get out of ONE thing per week, you have to just take the jack and say, ok, then, tonight, no writing. But we'll crack on with the reading so.

I had good results with my son when I gave up on reward systems and switched to giving him the power to make some choices. It gives him back the power to dodge out of a limited number of the many many things that he's expected to do each week.

good luck.

that is a brilliant idea boldfox, and I agree, incentives often don't work when a child wants to dig their heels in.

I have seen incentives work best when they are

1. very instant. chocolate buttons on a page. Worked with the stubbornest child I know
2. when the parent is laid back and doesn't get upset. As soon as the child knows you are bothered they have the upper hand and incentives become less interesting.
3. set by the child, they get to choose when they read and what the reward should be.

I have found that the timer works well. When the timer goes you stop, no matter what they have done. After a few days they realise that they really can stop as soon as the timer goes, and then they become more likely to be involved for the 10 minutes before the timer goes.

It sounds like a sibling came into her life recently. How is she dealing with it overall? The homework meltdowns might be part of her reaction to changes in her life.

Sometimes Dd1 says that I only do "work" with her =homework, while the littler Dd2 gets to have more fun with me. It is probably true - and I see it is not fair...

As others have said, I'd lay of most of it for now and explain it in a note to the teacher. Would try to find some special bonding time instead.

Ds has always been like that. the best way of getting homework done is say you can do something he likes after his homework is done.

However now he's in year 4, he now knows that the homework has to be done. So although he'll stomp about it, he'll do it too.

The teacher in year 1 said that if it was such a fight then don't bother doing it, which was lovely of them, but I suspect (long memory here) that if I'd given way then he'd still be stropping and not doing it in the hope he wouldn't have to.

He reminds me of that Calvin and Hobbes cartoon where Hobbes says "it'll only take half an hour" and Calvin replies "heck, it'll be two hours before I've finished the strop about it"

Agree with above post, maybe she has not yet get used to have a sibling sharing your attention?

As for year 2, it's not so important to do homework. Maybe you can agree with teacher to stop school homework for a while. But you should still continue to help her with reading and math, but do it in a fun way instead calling it homework.

Like for reading , will you be able to find 10-15 minutes, just you and her to sit quietly together,away from others, so it's a special time for you. You read to her, but let her read a couple of sentence in between. I think you should find out why she doesn't like reading, is the book boring, is it too difficult for her? As by year 2, most children start to get fluent in reading and would started to like proper reading now. If you can find the books she is intrested, she may want to try?

For math, at this age, it's still quite simple. Maybe play some board game with her, but use 2 dices, so she need to do a bit caculation. And play computer math games with her together, my DS used to like BBC bitesize KS1 games.

Thanks for all the ideas everyone. I will reapproach with renewed enthusiasm/arsenal as I fear that to back off now will give her the idea it's ok to strop in future. Arf at Witchend's Calvin and Hobbs cartoon - it's funny because it's true.

She has dealt with arrival of baby brother fantastically well - much better than I could have hoped. Homework has been an issue before he arrived, these days I just have less time/energy to insist on it! My best guess is that her problem lies in confidence, something school picked up on last year. She wants it all to be easy and to get it right first time, but it's not and she can't, and no amount of reassuring her seems to be helping. She's actually a nice little reader and although her maths isn't quick when given time she's fairly steady.

And today she has bounced off to school quite happily (but I suspect that's the promise of the book fair after school doing that!)

I agree with ignoring the school homework. My ds used to ve the same.
He refused to read the school reading book because it was 'boring'. I didn't stress about it and took him to the library and we chose our own books.
I did explain it to the teacher and she was fine about it.
I also used to ask the teacher what they were covering in maths the following week. I would then prep him a bit by doing some fun worksheets and online games from Education City.
He then found his school work enjoyable as he understood it.

Have you spoken to her teacher?
Perhaps they've moved desks or introduced a new way of doing things she isn't sure about etc. at that age, girls in the playground can also be a bit catty.

Homework wise, at that age, they shouldn't be having anything too tasking other than reading and a small amount of weekend stuff to do.

Hope she settles soon.

I would be having a word with the teacher.. Spellings we did through walkie talkies...Realising you have a very young baby in house but could you have an instant reward once you have done your spellings we will play.. I also found for maths.. I found online game version of the same subject

Homework is not compulsory, and if school complains, let them know that it has caused so many melt downs and distress that as a family you have decided to suspend it for the time being. (wish I had done this with ds)

We were told no HW and they have to miss break time?

Ours have to do/redo homework during golden time if it's not handed in.

You only need to focus on reading. Writing boils down to fine motor skills and will develop naturally anyway.