Do all schools take year 6 kids away for a week and do children ^have^ to go on it?

[AJ65]

The year 6 kids are off on their trip to the Isle of Wight which reminds me that it's only a year until my year 5 daughter's turn and she does not want to go. She's never wanted to go, and has told me so ever since she first heard about the trip. To begin with I was reassuring and bland about it as I figured she'd get over it, but the closer it gets, the more vehement she is that she does not want to go.

There seem to be a couple of issues, the first being that she's never spent a night away from home without at least one parent and the other being that she has comfort toys that she carries around the house and sleeps with - they don't normally leave the house - and she is concerned that they will get lost.

Does she have to go? If she does, any suggestions for dealing with her anxieties about it?

My DD didn't go on her year 6 trip. She was adamant that she didn't want to. I would have been very happy for her to go and I did say that she would feel she had missed out. However she maintains that she doesn't regret the decision. She is now at secondary school and has done plenty of overnight trips, she just clearly felt that the y6 trip was beyond her capabilities at that time. I would gently encourage but wouldn't force the issue too much. After all if someone tried to make me go camping for a week I would dig my heels in too

She doesn't have to go, however I just wonder if in your dd's case it would be good for her to be jollied into going.

There's always a few who don't go from dc's school. Usually around 5%. Some don't want to, one or two may have been banned due to behaviour, but they usually have a good time.
However this is a big school, so enough left for them to be given a fun time in a small group. if she's going to be the only one, then I think it will raise comments, potentially effect friendships and she will ultimately miss out.

Ds had only spent one night away from me until this summer when we signed him up for a residential week which his dsis have done since they were his age. He varied from being neutral to not wanting to go because he didn't want to leave me. But I figured it was easier for him to go this year. Firstly, he'd be at the younger end, so more allowances made for him, secondly it is easier for him to get upset with this small group than in front of classmates and thirdly he has a residential with school this year (which he was also saying he wouldn't go) and I want him to be confident enough to go and lastly it's close enough to fetch at 2am without too much worry!

We got the week before and he announced he wasn't going.
We packed the bag, and he got a little excited... Then said he wasn't going.
He came to get into the car and he gave me the tightest squeeze and his lower lip trembled.
Dh drove off. Both dsis promptly burst into tears at how little and alone he looked... and could we get him back...
Ds on the other hand was apparently bouncing in his seat with excitement by the end of the road. At the camp he jumped out of the car and had to be reminded to take his bag and say goodbye.

We had the meeting about the school residential last week. I asked if he wanted to go. he said: "Of course, I can't wait..."

Most of the kids in DDs year 6 class went. They do also have a shorter residential trip in year 5 so I guess this breaks them in a bit. Most kids absolutely loved it but there were one or two that cried quite a lot mainly about food (fussy eaters) and getting wet and muddy. These trips are largely based on outdoor activities so if this is something your DD would not enjoy than maybe it is not worth going.I would not worry about taking cuddly toys etc as most of DDs friends did.

I have mixed feelings about school trips. While on principle I think DC ought to go, in practice the school trips that our DC have been offered have been a pretty mixed bunch and we haven't insisted that DC go on trips that seemed really boring.

She doesn't have to go. They'd probably just add her to the Y5 class for the week.

If she does go, she could take a photo of the soft toys to carry with her so they don't get lost/damaged etc. Or you could together buy a cheap little toy that she won't mind losing but may provide comfort. If you got a key ring one, it could attach to her bag or clothes to prevent loss.

Other than that, you could offer to go across on the car ferry and pick her up after 1 or 2 nights if it is terrible for her. You'd need to agree this with the school in advance though.

I have just heard that there will be a one night / two day trip for my DC who is in year 2 (aged 6, will be 7 by the time of the trip.)

I think this is very young; if the DC wants to go, I will allow it but I am not encouraging it. And if they decide against it, I will say fine.

she's never spent a night away from home without at least one parent

I don't want to be harsh, but isn't that fairly abnormal at her age? My daughter is in year 2 and has had loads of sleepovers at her grandmother and a few at friends houses. If the trip is in a year's time, you've got plenty of time to arrange some sleepovers beforehand - wouldn't it be better to deal with her lack of self confidence in that way rather than keep her at home?

OP we had a similar experience with DS (though the first trip was just for 3 days so not quite such a big thing, and he was in year 5). He's rarely been away overnight without us, that's because we have no family nearby or family support, and he is very sensitive and has had some anxiety and SN issues. (That's nobody's fault. Don't let people make you feel you've failed because your DD hasn't spent nights without you.)

He wasn't keen to go, but we talked to the school and they were great. We encouraged him to go, while saying he didn't 100% have to, and worked on him having some sleepovers with a friend who would also be going. School helped us by having a special meeting where they reassured us about what exactly would be involved, promised he would get to share with his friend, and the head even told me if things went really tits up (like he was having panic attacks or something) we would be able to pick him up. Obviously I didn't want that to happen but just knowing they were on side made it a lot easier for him.

He did go, he didn't enjoy it that much (loads of sporty activities and he's not sporty) but he made it through with dignity intact, did not freak out or get upset, and enjoyed a coupe of aspects, and I think it really boosted his independence and maturity - just to know he managed it.

I would have supported him to not go if he'd insisted, but I do think it's worth encouraging them and getting support from the school and trying to do it if possible.

Everyone had loads of cuddly toys btw.

One thing, I think it really helped that DS has medical records about his anxiety and various issues, which the school know about. If her anxiety gets severe it may help to see the GP just to get it noted and then inform school about that.

it may help to see the GP just to get it noted

Please don't see your GP "just to get it noted". we are rather busy dealing with people who are ill. By all means if you think your child is unusually anxious, and may need medical help then see your GP, but we don't see people just to get things put in the notes.

Apologies hedgehog, I don't mean to tell OP to waster GPs' time. I think however that if you want school to take a child's anxiety seriously, it can help to have GP involvement. Obviously that only applies if it is actually necessary and hence why I sad "if her anxiety gets severe". I should not have said "just to get it noted" but what I meant was so that the GP knows, and school knows that GP knows, because this can help get the school on board.

Where I work, all children have gone on the trip, except last year when 1 child did not. Said child is now so sorry that they didn't go that they have volunteered to speak to any waverers in the year below to ensure that they don't make the same 'mistake' that they did.

Interestingly, said child presents as relatively confident, but has parents who are noticeably unusually protective and treat their child as a) very fragile and b) very young. I have wondered whether the child did in fact want to go all along but had to 'live up to' their parents' image of them.

I realise you didn't mean it that way BoskyCat but you've said similar in your second post so that the school knows that the GP knows - that's the same as "getting it noted". There is no point bringing a child to see the GP unless the anxiety is such that the parent thinks it might need medical input.

But sometimes school will not take issues seriously unless there is a medical record. I guess that's only a problem if it is an issue that needs to be taken seriously, in which case seeing the GP is appropriate.

My own GP told me to bring in my DS with his anxiety and motor issues for this very reason. Because her son had similar and she knew how hard it can be to get school on side about it (in some schools, not all). We ended up with referral to Camhs so I am not talking about a minor issue.

So I'm speaking from experience and my own GP's advice, sorry if you don't like it but I don't think I'm some kind of nightmare patient. I don't go bothering the GP about every tiny thing or acting like my DC should be top of the pile. What I am saying is if your child has anxiety issues, having your GP's awareness and support can make getting your school's support easier.

(I guess I am lucky with my lovely GP, for which I am very grateful.)

We ended up with referral to Camhs so I am not talking about a minor issue.

I thought I was quite clear that if anxiety needs treating/CAMHS referral then yes, of course we should be seeing it - that is what we are here for. I support lots and lots of families who have children/teens with anxiety or depression.

What we aren't here for is to adjudicate between parent and school if there isn't a medical issue and, taking the OP at face value (and of course there may be lots that hasn't been written), I can't see a medical problem here in which case going to the GP just so it is in the notes and the school is happy is completely inappropriate.

To put it in perspective, I would say that at least an hour of my time a week is taken up with people ringing or coming in to "get xyz documented in the notes". So over a year that is probably 6 full days of GP time. It isn't a trivial issue.

You have my sympathy! It's a really difficult decision.

At our primary school there were generally one or two children each year who couldn't go because of cost and often one who won't go because they can't face it.

My son was very reluctant to go in year 5 - he's never liked sleepovers and has always had difficulty getting to sleep without the radio which of course he wasn't allowed to take. He never really did cuddly toys so that didn't help.

We spent months weaning him off the radio though he still wouldn't do a sleepover, and made him go. He loved the days - the teachers all thought he had a terrific time because he did enjoy the activities - however he absolutely hated the nights but didn't want to say to anyone.

In year 6, he started getting stressed in October about having to go again and was getting very panic-y by February to the point where it was a constant factor in his brain. To some extent it was a matter of his level of trust in the boys he was sharing with and his teachers. The first year there had been boys in the year above who he knew he could rely on to be kind.

In the end we decided that having been once, it was his choice about whether to go again. He didn't go and instead had 4 days with me doing things like visiting grandparents, going to galleries in London, volunteering in a local wood and one day in school helping get the set ready for the school play.

If we'd done it the other way around, perhaps let him miss out the first time, perhaps he'd have been determined to make it in year 6. Who knows.

Anyway, he's off next week for a two-night trip with his year 7 group and is being very grown up about it. He doesn't expect to like it at night but is willing to take the hit this time and that's been his choice.

There isn't a right answer really - whatever you decide will have a positive side and negative so you can't make the wrong decision :-)

She doesn't have to go but it is so good for them and will do wonders for her self confidence if she manages it. I should work hard on it- get her staying a night with a relative or friend.

To put it in perspective, I would say that at least an hour of my time a week is taken up with people ringing or coming in to "get xyz documented in the notes".

But there are many reasons why that is important. Such as DV for example. If people are doing it with their DC for school-related reasons, then it's the setup that is to blame - the setup by which school, GP, CAMHS and OT and other agencies work together and share notes. I thought that was a good system and one that exists to help save time and spot problems.

But there are many reasons why that is important. Such as DV for example.

Agreed. A very very small percentage of these requests has a genuine reason to do with DV, child protection or something else. The vast majority doesn't.

I know it's a bit of a diversion from the key focus of the thread, but I agree with Hedgehog.

GPS should be visited if there is a medical issue......perhaps the Q Bosky should ask herself and those she is advising to go to the GP, is 'if there was no perceived benefit to be gained at school by having seen the GP, would I still be taking my child to see the GP .......is my level of concern about anxiety significant enough to warrant this'

If there is a genuine concern that anxiety is becoming a serious issue, then yes, go the GP.
If you want some special attention/to make the school sit up and take note about your child being extremely nervous beyond the normal, then find a way to express your issues clearly to the school, request a meeting if necessary to explain it all.....but don't 'use' the GP for leverage.
If your child is a bit nervous as can be normal, do what you can as a parent to address the issues.....arrange sleepovers, be really positive about trips etc and if necessary, drop a quick email to the school so they know the child is a bit nervous.