Pushy parents and surviving year 5 in prep school

[IUseaMagnifier]

DC has just gone into year 5 and we are only a few weeks in and the parents have changed personality. There is jostling to get DC in with certain teachers, nasty comments about high and low achievers and nightly tutoring to help with the CAT tests.

Am I doing this wrong? My DC is bright and I am making sure they are doing their homework and letting the school get on with it. Nearer the time of the 11+ I will step up the work.

Jokes aside, they are stressing me out and that helps no one. I need tips on how to survive year 5 without punching a parent which I nearly did on Tuesday.

If you want him to do well in the 11+ and you are aiming for very selective schools then this is the time to get started. Tutors may be booked up already - aren't the exams in just over a year? Pushy parents at 11+ time are standard for a prep school I'm afraid.

Just dis - engage. Steer the conversation around to something else. Ignore the competitive parenting.

But - it is really hard not to get sucked into it, mainly (I found) because your DD will talk about it because her friends do. So and so is doing an hour a night of tutor work / a test paper per week / blah blah blah and it takes a very strong willed parent not to worry that your child isn't doing the same & worry it will affect their results etc etc.

So I would prepare yourself for a tough year buy lots of wine and spend less time in the playground!

I agree with the previous poster. Disengage from it.

There was some acrimony amongst parents in my sons prep school few years ago I just tried to ride the storm out by smiling being polite and just keeping a bit of a distance till things had calmed down which they did

I must be totally doing my DC a disservice then. They have had a maths tutor for a while now as this is not their favourite subject and I feel it is important. As for practising exams and 11+ papers I feel this is a bit early. The school does a lot of VR/ NVR and I have done some of this at home. The school is meant to prep them from what I understand but I am not relying totally on that.

The senior schools I am looking at are a bit selective however I have seen average children I know get into them OK.

I think I need to start hanging out on 11+ forums.

Up until now I have been of the opinion that I need to know what is going on in the school in order for my DC to not miss out. There are lots of little coffee gatherings going on and conversations in the corner of the playground. This is wearing me down a bit. Then I look at parents who don't engage with the other mums and keep to themselves and think well their DC are still doing well without being in the loop.

Someone once told me that if you want to know what is going on ask the teacher. I think I need to disengage as you say but I worry I am missing out on some important information if I don't listen to the gossip.

I don't think I am cut out for the politics in a private school.

I disengaged after Prep 1. I probably miss out on lots of gossip and tittle tattle but I don't think I'm missing out on anything material and if I am, it's too late now!

Perhaps I need to spend the energy I am using up stressing in a more productive way with my DC.

Tbh, if your prep school is anything like ours, I would be worried about parents generally feeling the need to do extra tuition. Our school more than preps the children - if parents are doing tutoring etc on top of that, that sounds excessive to me and surely wears down the children. I'm all for lots of downtime.

IUsea. I feel sorry for people in this situation. I know it can get really competitive but thankfully we are outside London and everyone gets the school they want. I never experienced nasty cliques at our prep and was never in the loop! There probably was a gossip loop but we had termly meetings with our class rep and put forward our views that way and she reported back to us on developments and news. It was not really the done thig to be pushy! Most people were too posh for that!

Why don't you visit the slightly lesss academic senior schools and see where your children would fit in. Not everyone benefits from this awful tutoring. Could you possibly do a longer commute to a school outside London where it is easier to get in? Where are you? Eg lots of North London children come out to southern Hertfortshire.

OP, are you in London / Home Counties or elsewhere? I'm just outside of London and I'm worried the London craziness is spreading out of London too! They seem to have 'caught' it in Tonbridge / TW!