My youngest has started school and I am bereft

[PermaShattered]

That's it really! Wondered if anyone else feels like this. I work from home and have, for years, worked 4 mornings a week while he (and older ones) were at nursery. Now that the youngest has gone to school and I have the whole school day to do what I want, including work, I feel disorientated and bereft. First time home alone for nearly 16 yrs....

Mine went to local school then boarding school at 11. I never felt bereft. I loved that they were happy and makig progress. The loved school and I liked hearing all about it and getting involved. You only have a few hours when they are not with you! I joined things. Help at the school - they will love it if you offer. Get on the parents' committee. Go shopping on your own. Go to an exhibition. Join a club. Volunteer for anything that takes your fancy. There is so much to do. You cannot spend all your time thinking about your children. What have you always wanted to do but never had time for? There must be something?

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way

My twins just started reception and whilst I don't feel exactly disoriented or bereft, I am missing them - we used to have Weds/Fridays together (I work the other 3 days) and it was fun. They are great company and we used to do some great things together and I'm sad that that era has come to an end.

But at the same time I am looking forward to tackling some big 'projects' I've been meaning to do for ages (de-cluttering the house being the first!) and also doing some things for myself (running, having a pedicure!). I've also already signed up to help out at the school on Friday afternoons and am throwing myself into the PTA activities. In fact, I'm already realising that I don't have enough time between 9 and 3 to do everything I want to do!

I agree with mmm above, make a list of all the things you want to do and start doing them. Keep busy and hopefully you'll soon be wishing they were at school longer!!

good luck x

Bereft? Really?

Words fail me. They are at school for 6 hours.

I felt exactly the same! My kids didn't start full time schooling till last year and I didn't Even realise at the time I was bereft. Looking back i can see it was not normal to spend hours lying on my back staring at the ceiling when they were off at school.
Can you get involved in school life eg as a reading person for a morning a week? Volunteer somewhere else? Excercise? Get a job? All these things have helped me remember who I was befre children... Even if my happiest moments are still spent when they are around.
It will pass. It is all part of letting go.
But you have my sympathy xxxxxx

Thanks all (though notinaminute - that wasn't particularly constructive. I think i was aware of how long they are at school). It's a case of finding a new 'norm' I think. Getting a new routine and getting used to not having a young child around.... I have loads of things to do, loads of interests, but enough work to keep me going fulltime. I'll get used to it!

I'm feeling a little out of sorts too, I half start so many things each day and then get overwhelmed or distracted and never finish anything, I'm wondering how the hell I gone thru 12 six hour child free blocks and seem to have nothing to show for it. I see mums and toddlers out and about and I have pangs ffs! I also miss the social aspect of preschool drop off and pick up, school gate is hurried and everyone is so purposeful... I need to find my new normal I guess. I sound wet, I'm not really I swear and I've done the pfb of to schoolthing a few yes back so maybe this is my precious last born moment lol. And all the 'what do you doooooooo allllllllllll day' comments aren't helping!

Hi perma shattered,
I totally relate to your post!! I decided to give up my relatively successful career to look after my children for the past 7 years. I too feel completely lost without my youngest. My days have been filled to the max looking after him and I've thoroughly enjoyed it. Although in a couple of weeks I'll be starting a return to practice course, to be honest I can't get my head around it all!!!! It's the worst feeling. I keep feeling like I've left him somewhere I shouldn't have! X

*kiwi" - the 'new normal' is the key. I'm getting there but it's odd after nearly 16 yrs of having a child at home..... I know what you about the pangs - I especially feel it when i see a mum with a pram and a newborn :/

You're sad that your baby is no longer a baby. You miss their presence whilst they are at school. Granted. Any parent can understand that.

Hardly bereft though.

I see a neighbour everyday who actually is bereft - she lost her only child.

Bereft is a crass word to use in this context.

Notinaminute - someone can feel bereft about a lot of things. A room can be bereft of colour for goodness sake..... hardly a crass word. My original post was to see if others felt similar - even for a few days - not to be attacked.... I'll leave this thread now .