Do I speak to the teacher?

[Puttheheatingon]

Dd1, nearly 8, year 3. One of a group of dominant, popular girls with 'strong characters': it's been this way since reception.

Dd1, part of this group of Alpha girls (I hate this idea but it's relevant) is having a problem with one particular girl. The girl in question is horrifically competitive, spurred on by her mother (said mother complained to the school when the format of sports day was changed as it meant her dd didn't win all the races...). The girls do an activity together and I've had to split them up became this girl's competitive streak, boasting and apparent jealousy of my dd (I think dd is better at this activity) was making dd1 want to quit.

This girl is really bossy, accuses my dd of lying (dd achieved something and this girl said she hadn't)and all sorts. Now, my dd is one of this group but a sensitive child. She has told me she won't give back what she gets because it's "unkind and being mean just like x".

She wants me to talk to the teacher. I want dd to walk away and play with friends who aren't mean (of which she has many).

Advice?

DD2 is in a similar group, so you have my sympathies. It's exhausting.

I'd be inclined to keep encouraging your daughter to make different friends, but also have a quiet word with the teacher and make sure he/she has picked up on the group dynamics. The teacher may be able to quietly provide opportunities for your DD to work with other children and become less reliant on this group.

For what it's worth, DD2 is beginning to find alternative friends and has realised for herself that a couple of her Queen Bee friends are really not worth the effort. But it's taken most of KS2 to get to this stage. I'm trying to keep in mind that it's part of her education!

Thank you. I was slightly afraid of being accused of some sort of stealth boast.

I'm shattered by all of this already!

I would talk to the teacher simply because your dd wants you to. Seeing you take it seriously and don't just say it's playground stuff might even be enough for her.

My DS is in a group with some strong minded children who argue the toss about things..One thing I find useful is to tell him that it is ok sometimes to know the truth.

If she wants to speak to the teacher I would tell her you will make an appointment and you will sit with her while she speaks to the teacher

Good point reni. I don't get much opportunity to see the teacher as dd is usually at out of school club. I might email.

Update: I spoke to the teacher. As I suspected, she was aware of some 'factions' within groups of girls in the class, an in particular has had a number of girls complaining about this girl.

Girls, eh!

Well I am glad you spoke to the school and got to find out what is going on.