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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

How do you (as in parents) make friends in school playground

30 replies

Comingroundthemountain · 17/09/2015 10:35

Only been a week so early days. Dd started school - 60 kids. Reception playground is entirely separate so you don't see parents from other years. I would say about half the parents don't speak great English. And quite a few are rushing off to work. I am keen to make friends though as expecting another baby so going to be around a lot, and relatively new to the area. Thought there would be some kind of new parents welcome morning or Facebook group as per my friends' experiences at other school but nothing like that where we are. Am I going to have to start one? Aragon - really don't want to be the organiser... am already on the committee at my ds nursery.

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Branleuse · 17/09/2015 10:43

I smile at people and say hi to parents of kids in my kids class, or at least ones that look like theyd be my sort of people. which eventually leads on to small talk, which sometimes leads on to friendship

Branleuse · 17/09/2015 10:45

not speaking great english wouldnt put me off. Sometimes they are still absolutely fine with smalltalk, and often glad to practice their english a bit

Original poster

Comingroundthemountain · 17/09/2015 11:04

Yes I am doing small talk already but in terms of hanging out all morning eating cake I am guessing we need the same language.

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user789653241 · 17/09/2015 11:09

I 'm not English native speaker, so I was absolutely terrified when ds started school few years ago.

If you don't mind imperfect English, a lot of parents really appreciate if you say hello to them!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 17/09/2015 11:13

It takes time - people will chat to you eventually. The fact that you are having a baby will speed things up as they will want to come and peep at the cute baby when it's born.

A lot of them will know each other already and it takes time to break into an existing group.

Thumbcat · 17/09/2015 11:19

It takes time. I have three good friends from DS's class but it took us almost to the end of the Reception year to get past the small talk stage.

BuyMeAPony · 17/09/2015 11:28

Do you have a class parent or someone to organise a mums or dads night out? The classes my DD has been in, always do a mums one really early in the term and the dads get round to it later. We get all parents' email addresses in the first couple of weeks so that does help.

sleepyelectricsheep · 17/09/2015 11:31

I haven't made any friends in the playground. The mum friends I have made I met on the walk to / from school, so we chat as we walk with the DC. Or in the park after school, that was great for meeting people.

Is there a park near your school that DC tend to go to on nice days?

redskybynight · 17/09/2015 11:34

I think it depends on the school and it may be that yours is a school where this just doesn't happen. My DS has now finished primary and I can honestly say I never got to make any friends - most parents just dropped and ran (or arrived just before school opened in the early years), there were a large proportion of working parents who were never at school pick up/drop off. I was friendly and said hello and have lots of people I can chat to for a couple of minutes, but no one that I would consider to be a friend! So I would definitely say just say hello and smile and enter into small talk but don't assume you'll find friends.

Hoppinggreen · 17/09/2015 13:47

Reaaaaally slowly!!
I've got some brilliant friends I met through DD but I wasn't really what I would call " friends" with them until the end of Reception or ever the start of Year 1.
Just smile and look approachable, mention someone's nice coat or bag or ask where they got child's bag/hair clips from or comment on the weather.
Keep it light and do not enter into conversations slagging anyone ne, including the school or teachers.

uhoh1973 · 17/09/2015 13:49

In my experience don't expect miracles... I thought it would be a big door opener socially but it doesn't seem to work like that. Some will say hello but offers for coffee and cake disappointingly low (zero in 12 months!). one of the other mums did suggest we all go out for coffee but its never happened. We have had 2 playdates in 12 months and I would regard myself as quite an outgoing person... In my experience people who's first language is not english might be more open to meeting new people :-).

BertieBotts · 17/09/2015 13:55

I don't speak the language of the country DS is at school in. It is nice to say hello :) I find I can chat a little to people when they ask me simple questions, like are you married, do you work, what does your husband do, where are you living, do you have other children, where are you from, how long have you been here, do you visit home often?

Over time I have improved and I can ask questions back now but I couldn't to begin with. Most of the time I was just too nervous, as well, so somebody would get out of me that we were visiting England and then I'd be all awkward and later realise I could have said "We are staying with my husband's sister" just as something else to say. Now I just say things like that without thinking.

As for meeting up with other mums, it has happened through playdates. Swapping numbers is hard, because talking on the phone is terrifying, but swapping mobile numbers is okay because texting can be translated word by word. I have met up with a couple of people in a park for an hour and chatting was stilted but okay. Later it increased so it does work! It's just slow.

NullaBore · 17/09/2015 13:57

I am very pregnant which has helped with small talk but cake mornings already?!

You are expecting too much and if you were that keen in the playground you'd freak me out a bit tbh.

Witchend · 17/09/2015 14:19

It's good when you can find out a little about other people. So you can ask how big brother is getting on a seniors or how their weekend away went. People generally like that.

reni2 · 17/09/2015 14:42

I found that I met most people at whole-class parties, this also gives you their phone numbers on the invite. So for our school going to as many birthdays as you can helps. Is your dd's birthday early in the year? Could you do a whole-class gig? Other than that just walk up, say hello and ask "How's your ds/dd settling in?"

Letustryagain · 17/09/2015 14:49

I think you will find that it totally depends on the types of Mums that there are in the school.

For example, when DD started in Reception we all became quite chatty. While they were doing their settling in mornings one of the Mums suggested taking all the children down to the local soft play after school one day. So those who could go, went. We got to know each others names and the children got to play. It was lovely.

Last year when DD went into Y1, a small number of the children who were in reception with her stayed in the Reception/Y1 class (the youngest ones) due to numbers. Having chatted with one of the Mums of one of those children recently, she said that none of the new Reception mums talked to each other at all and she was shocked at the difference. Even DD's Reception teacher had said that we were the most sociable group of Mums that she'd ever known!

So I really think it does depend on the Mums. I definitely became closer friends with the Mums when we started organising meet-ups in the park or doing play dates.

gandalf456 · 17/09/2015 14:52

My daughter has now left Primary . My son is in year 2 . I was very much gung ho about making friends when my daughter started school. However, when my son started, I wasn't as entusiastic. With organised social events a lot of people didn't turn up. I even found that those perfectly friendly on the night would ignore you again the next day, which was confusing it did nothing for my confidence becauseI would wonder if it was something I had said or done but if I had to rack my brains so much I probably hadn't. People can just be strange. I did find friendships fickle and very much dependent on how the children got on. So, if the kids no longer played, it was bye bye friendship. I did encounter a few people searching for free childcare as well. However, I probably hung back too much when my son started school. It is quite useful someone to take your child to school if you are ill for example or have someone to ask about inset days, non uniform days etc. I am past expecting much. I find the dynamic for making friends with parents too complex and have realised that the environment is not the best for me personally in which to forge close friendships

Original poster

Comingroundthemountain · 17/09/2015 15:08

original post was meant to say aaaargh - not aragon!

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Original poster

Comingroundthemountain · 17/09/2015 17:50

With this in mind I made special effort to speak to the woman next to me with little English and we had a nice, if limited, chat. I feel like it is me who is the new girl at school, not dd.

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Branleuse · 17/09/2015 18:16

:) sounds a good start. Dont be put off because you cant imagine hanging out and eating cake with someone. That might never happen, and youre getting ahead of yourself anyway

PurpleSkyatthewateringhole · 17/09/2015 18:24

I'm good friends with a few people from Ds' class but he's now in year 2. I'd say it was only last year we moved past the polite chatting in the playground to having coffee. Dd has started reception and I'm back to smiling and saying hello at the doors. Agree a baby will make things easier. Also suess out if there's a nearby park you can pop to after school for awhile. On nice days you'll find a few parents in there.

mumsnit · 17/09/2015 18:33

Agree that it may be the luck of the draw with the parents in your child's year group! Made quite a few friends with the parents in DS yr group but none with DD. I did try with her friend's parents but it just didn't happen - sometimes you can't force it I guess!

Could you join the fundraising committee? Is a nice way to meet parents from across different yr groups.

AsTimeGoesBy · 17/09/2015 18:35

Yes, it takes time but it can work out, my DS has left primary school this year and I am close friends with several of the other mums and close enough to most of the others that we can have a good old chinwag when we see each other. If the DCs start doing extra curricular activities that helps too as you see parents from school picking up / dropping off / waiting around and it's easier to get chatting if you've already spoken at school.

Snossidge · 17/09/2015 22:22

DS1 is in Year 1 now and I haven't had cake with anyone I chat to some of the other mums in the park after school, play groups with younger DS or at birthday parties.

Inkymess · 20/09/2015 23:39

At our school most start in the nursery and there are lots of whole class parties. There is a busy huge pta which runs tons of events. It's then easy. My friends school is very different. Both are very ethnically mixed very good schools but different demographics in terms of specific DC ethnic backgrounds. My mates school has more day time events and less working parents. In both cases tho the social aspect is driven by parents who want to see it happen...

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