Are quiet children underestimated by schools and in extra curricular activities?

[knickernicker]

We are finding the same pattern repeated again and again with DD aged 9. We are often told by her teachers that she is in lower reading group so that confidence won't be knocked, set easier work than peers again not to knock her confidence.
At ballet, she's been held back from moving forward with group despite getting same as them in exam to help maintain her confidence and same is happening at swimming despite being told that she's a good and talented swimmer.
I'm not entirely averse to the confidence argument and I welcome these decisions where she genuinely struggles, but even she is resigned to and slightly bemused that this happens over and over again.
Just wondering if other parents have experienced this and whether or not you think I should accept decisions or challenge them.

If it is happening on multiple fronts then I would pick one (with her agreement) where she wants to progress. Then do some extra practice at home to help boost ability before asking to move up a level. I wouldn't let her be sidelined everywhere because without the chance to struggle she also loses the opportunity to succeed and achieve. I don't think you can push her into this but if she is bemused then she that is a good place to start to learn to exert herself - starting in a small way. Good luck

If she's slightly bemused, maybe find one area where you ask that she not be moved down a group but instead can she be allowed to find out if she can rise to a challenge.

I like what Tricot said, ask her what target she would like to develop & work for. She needs to be the one who chooses (allowing for the practical resources at your disposal).

Thing is that confidence spreads. If she finds she can set a target & achieve it in one area, she will be more confident about gritting her teeth, getting stuck in & seeing what she can do in other areas.

I think rather than challenging specific decisions, it might be good to have a chat with her class teacher, together with DD, generally about how DD feels more robust than she might appear these days, and fancies stretching herself or taking some risks when future opportunities arise.

I am surprised by this approach in swimming though. Why would her confidence be knocked by being in her correct group? My DD is always the slowest in her swimming group but her teachers just tell her she is doing well and has good technique (not great enough to be fast, clearly, but she is always the smallest too).