Making Friends in Reception

[Mummyfit]

How can I help my son make friends, he started reception last week but knows hardly anyone, he has latched onto one of our friends sons but it looks like it is one sided and the child even called him a smarty pants this morning.
DS is very good at reading and writing for his age but after only a few days I doubt that would be evident he has had problems in the past as we had to take him out of a preschool for being bullied this has shaken his confidence so he is nervous around big groups of children. I am really worried about him I know I am biased but he is a good boy and the other kids are great too but he seems to struggle to make friends I don't want him to be unhappy any advice would be great.
When he was in preschool his confidence was so low as he was being hit and excluded every day and the preschool did nothing he cried all the time and wet himself when more than 2 children (boys) came near him I really don't want to go back to that but I can't afford to give up work to home school x x

Have you spoken to the school about it? They are best placed to make sure that children are all being included etc.

DD is very shy, so one thing I did was offer her something she really wanted if she told me who she has played with or spoken to every day for the first 2 weeks. It just gave her the impetus to make the first move or respond when people spoke.

Get him to give you the names of a couple of children he likes and try to arrange a play date?

Thanks I will speak to school they are very good there and nursery had already told them he struggles with friendships. He really likes one child but I think he doesn't know the names of any others but I don't think that child likes him much

I know everyone will say this but it really is early days. As long as he is playing next to and around other children he will get to know them - and more to the point he will find the ones that enjoy the same sort of play as he does! Agree a word with school will be good, but they should be running activities to encourage the children to mix with others anyway.

I wouldn't worry about him not knowing any names, lots of children don't seem bothered by knowing people's names but doesn't mean they don't know the children!

It's really early days, don't worry! Reception teachers are very good at helping children make friends. Chat to other mums in the playground and after a few weeks see if there's any names in particular your ds mentions.

Try and meet some parents at the school gates and arrange play dates. Is his birthday early in the year? You could do a whole class gig, that way you meet all the children and can arrange play dates easier (you'll have lots of phone numbers from the responses to start with).

Also, talk to him about how to make friends, this might seem obvious to you, but can be hard for 4 year olds to learn. He might need to ask if a child wants to play, might ask to join a game... this is not always clear to a shy young child.

Another one saying its early days! I was very concerned for DD when she joined Reception a couple of years ago for similar reasons. Also she was one of only 3 in the class who hadn't already been at the school nursery the year before. Basically they already knew each other and she was very shy initially and felt they were already in groups.

I spoke to the teacher, who made sure she wasn't left out, within a week she'd become friends with the girl who is still her firm best friend now they are joining Y3.

Definitely have a chat with the teacher, ours used to give me an update at the end of day for the first few weeks on what she'd been up to at playtime which was really reassuring and helped me encourage DD to settle/see the positives while she was feeling unsure.

Thank you it is reassuring I think with past experiences I am worrying too much!
The comment about him being a smarty pants has upset me a bit as he is a bit of a smarty pants but you can't tell if it was meant kindly or not. Nothing against the kids they are a lovely group seemingly just being over protective Mummy!
We have a meet and greet with the teachers and I know the nursery staff already spoke to them in handover his birthday is January so was planning on doing something so scary sending them off! Thanks all x x

I'd encourage him to join in the games he's interested in, and not worry too much about actual friends. DS1 has managed to break into a very good group of friend (mother and baby then nursery together) and is still very good friends 3 years on.

He was also asked to keep an eye on the boy who wasn't settling very well. Think this was carefully chosen by school after a few weeks of observation about who might work as a pair.

Mention to school in passing if you want to now, but definitely in a few weeks.

Thanks yeah don't want to make a big thing and be 'that' parent but I know how quickly he can lose confidence I would imagine they have something in place as they made a bee line for him first day just need some hand holding for me to know x x