Should school tell you if your child has been kicked (and has a big bruise)?

[Moomin]

We noticed a black bruise size of a plum/satsuma on dd1's leg at weekend. First of all she said she fell over. I noticed it again today after school and commented on it and asked he how come it was the shape it was if she had just fallen? She then told me a boy had kicked her on Friday in the playground. She's played with him before and was with a group of kids but the game wasn't going the way he wanted so he kicked dd1. Dd1 told the teacher on duty and the boy was told off.

Obviously this is all acording to dd1 but her story seems 'watertight', she knows every part of the incident and which teacher it was reported to etc. and I believe her. She's in reception so I don't have a whole lot of experience with this age group or the usual ways of the primary school. But I know of this happened at secondary, where I work, it would get dealt with and parents would be informed of at all possible, esp as we wouldn't want any repercussions or accusations of ignoring bullying or whatever.

I don't think this is bullying, btw, it seems like a one-off. But shouldn't school have told me that dd1 was kicked and hurt? Or should we just accept it as part and parcel (something I would not be comfortable with doing really). Have drafted out a letter to her teacher - do I send it in with her tomorrow?

moomin, I wouldn't expect the school to inform you over this sort of incident. It is just one of those things. My kids are covered in bruises!! If the incident has been dealt with then i think that's fine. if it carried on then that's a different matter, but it does sound like a typical playground incident.

really? I guess there must be loads of bruises and bumps each playtime but I just thought that, as it was an aggressive/violent act, they might have told me - just mention it at home time 'dd1's been kicked but the boy concerned has been dealt with'. That's all I want! Maybe I need to toughen up?

Moomin, it's hard letting your kids go into school, you lose so much control over what goes on. I know your instinct is to protect your child, especially when they seem so vunerable going into reception, but to an extent you have to 'let go' and trust the school. I would take your dd's lead, if she is happy that things have been dealt with then that's good. The schools have so many things to deal with that they can't possibly inform parents of everything. You usually get told about bites, fights, bumped heads etc.

If her class teacher had been on duty when it happened, they might have mentioned it to you at hometime. But, I wouldn't expect to be told about it otherwise tbh.

If it was an ongoing problem (as DS is experiencing at the momemt), then yes, I'd expect to be told of all incidents involving that child.

If I were you, I would keep a note of what happened though just incase this isn't a one off but the start of many.

Fair enough. I bow to your superior knowledge! Thanks x

From my experience with DS, I would also take a photo of it. Just in case it becomes part of a bigger picture....

I'm sure it will be fine though.

I think that the school only have to inform you if a potential head injury is involved. That is the only time I've been told anyway. If there is a more minor injury they sometimes come home with a sticker.

from my teaching experience schools generally tell you if there is a head injury involved or if it caused your child to go to first aid but if your worried mention it to your class teacher - ive never begrudged a parent asking me things!

My ds's school is pretty hot on injuries and will send a slip home with the child describing what happened, particularly to the head. I agree that we have to be robust as parents and expect our child to be hurt often in the rough and tumble of the playground but equally children should not IMO get away with hurting other children intentionally. I don't think kicking is acceptable. But most importanty is whether there is a pattern of this behaviour and whether it is being addressed.

I would feel completely within my rights to talk to the teacher and say you're concerned and that you want to know what boundaries the children are given. (i.e. is kicking ever acceptable?!)

There are two boys in my ds's class who are both huge and strong and often slightly out of control. The parents just smile tolerantly and have a far higher boundary for physical aggression than I do - but they would because their sons are built like rugby players and tend to hurt rather than get hurt! Luckily the school are addressing this with timeouts and behaviour charts. Pity the parents don't seem to take it very seriously!

don't think the boy had 'got away' with it - the poster said he had been told off. if her daughter had said no-one had seen him do it and so it wasnt dealt with them i would agree to speak to the teacher. stories can always get twisted what starts as an accident can become intentional in the same sentence in ds vocabulary.

I don't think stories always get twisted and some kids don't mind being told off at all, so that isn't necessarily the whole answer. As I said in my post - if there is a pattern of bad behaviour (there are kids who behave badly in and out of school i.e. at birthday parties etc) and are broadly agreed by a number of parents to be 'getting away with it'. I'm only speaking from my own experience.

i actually said 'can always get twisted' meaning sometimes get twisted not always get twisted.

sorry mysonsm - it was late when I scanned your post and I was having a bad day - no excuse but sorry for being snappy or "snippy" as my step mother says!