DD with anxiety; who to approach in first instance?

[DebbieFiderer]

DD1 is going in to Y3. She used to be extremely confident, but has been suffering more and more with anxiety, sometimes over quite minor things. I think some of it she talks herself into, but some is definitely genuine. Another mum mentioned in posting yesterday that her daughter is similar and is seeing someone about it, and it made me wonder whether I should be doing more to help DD. The problem is, I have no idea how to go about it. Where do I go in the first instance; school, GP, both, neither?

I talked to the school but don't think it helped that much tbh. I got lots of questions about why do I work full-time (which annoyed me).

We now have a book called 'What to do when you worry too much'. And am thinking this may be the way to go. She's taking on board some of the ideas in the book already.

seconding the book recommendation- we have it too. My dd can get very anxious and we've just started doing headspace together. Your dd might like a wedsite called relax kids which has lots of downloadable things with guided relaxation.
I only go into school if the worry is about school. My dd contains her anxieties all day and lets it all spill out at night.

I'd mention it to the teacher, they'll then at least be looking out for it and may interpret how she behaves in class differently - a friend's DS's anxiety meant he got so nervous of getting work wrong that he would be reluctant to even start a piece of work, which for a while was taken the wrong way, and dealt with in the wrong way. He now gets support and is much happier.

If it's becoming an increasing problem, I'd talk to your GP.

We spoke to school and GP and got referred to a psychologist when ds was showing signs of anxiety etc. he was diagnosed with OCD and mild Tourette's (which only flares up when he is stressed or anxious). Combination of us reading up, school working on boating confidence and initial consultation with psychologist made a huge difference.

Our school was/is brilliant. I also purchased the book on Amazon mentioned above which helped.

I openly talk to my DD and let her know I've also had feelings similar to hers and that, although people don't openly talk about these feelings because they are maybe scared to not be seen as "normal" it is very normal to have the fear whilst learning to judge new situations and gut feelings.

You could maybe consider hypnotherapy and/or human givens from this age. The book is good but you also have to read it and be on board with the ideas/activities- your dd also has to cooperate! Good luck

Thanks all, will check out the book and then think about speaking to the GP if it doesn't help. School doesn't seem to be a particular trigger but I might mention it if I get a chance to speak to the teacher. Part of the problem is that I don't know how much is genuine fears, and how much she is creating for herself - there are things she says she is scared of, but will do without fuss, and other things that she genuinely has near panic attacks over (was physically sick through nerves before a sporting competition earlier this year for instance).

I'm a GP and would be happy to see you about this, though would be reasonable to try the self help resources first.

Thanks softhedgehog, that is good to know. Would you expect me to take her along with me, or is it ok to discuss without her present in the first instance?

Up to you really. Would need to see her at some point - parents sometimes ask to come on their own first, or you could come with her and we can talk separately and then together. Really depends if there are things that you need to say without her in the room.

My dd gets these mini panic attacks - throwing up from anxiety, but only ever at bedtime. I haven't been to see a GP as I have lived with mild anxiety all my life so know a lot of strategies. It is just excess adrenaline- feels really horrible though.

My DD's anxiety and low self esteem started in year 3, and it took a good 2 years to get to the bottom of it, and I still don't have a definite answer but apparently she could have sensory processing disorder and Asperger's syndrome, which was a bit of s shock as I had a complete misconception of Asperger's and autism. After ton of reading it all makes sense and she was so relieved to finally understand why she was not as comfortable as her friends in unstructured free play that her anxiety is almost gone. She knows her triggers and what to do when it all gets too much and the school has been supportive. I would go to the GP.

I'm interested to read this as my 7 year old dd seems to be getting anxious about every new situation. I've been trying to spend time listening to her and helping her to think of solutions but I will also try some of the above ideas.
OP - I hope that the resources suggested help your dd

Toool, how did you get the diagnosis? It's something I have wondered about as well. But not sure how to approach it.

It was a long journey both private and NHS. First an educational therapist because she was getting really stressed at school and was quite slow and disorganised. The EP ruled out any specific learning disabilities but suggested dyspraxia so I went to the occupational therapist who ruled out dyspraxia but diagnosed sensory processing disorder. SPD is very rarely a stand alone condition but usually a co-morbidity with autism, which I initially dismissed without a second thought but it is actually quite different to what I thought it was. And now we are waiting for a referral to find out for sure but it really sounds like it for DD. she has started melatonin and she now sleeps enough which has helped a lot and is happy to know that she is not a social butterfly and there is nothing wrong with this IYSWIM.

It's interesting to hear other people saying the anxiety started around the same age. We now have the book and are working through it, will be interesting to see if it helps. Already we are talking more about her worries and I have to say I didn't really realise just how bad it was. I am going to give it a few weeks and then maybe go to the GP if I still think it is needed.

I would make an appointment to speak to the teacher to see if they have noticed anything at school. As others have said anxiety can show in lots of different ways, eg extreme quietness, aggression/bad temper, reluctance to start work, difficulty in getting organised/thinking straight, general 'silliness' and over-the-topness. Plus physical stuff like tummy aches, nausea, headaches, dizziness, leg/arm pains, getting very hot or cold.

Let them know about the anxious behaviour you have seen outside school as it should alert them to the fact that any difficult or odd behaviour in school may be anxiety related. If they say that there are problems at school ask about the possibility of an educational psychologist assessment. They can be hard to get for less 'extreme' pupils as they are expensive, but it's worth an ask as a good ed psych should be able to shed some light on the root of the anxiety.

Go to the GP as well. Bear in mind that ultimately it will be up to you to form and record the 'big picture' of how she is in different settings over time. Write stuff down and keep a diary of specific behaviours and what seems to be triggering them.

Thanks, I think I will talk to the teacher, but probably in a few weeks once they have had time to settle down. I want to see what she sees without me putting the idea in her head of DD being anxious iyswim. Also, she is an NQT so could probably do with some time to find her feet before I start adding extra problems for her! Most of the anxiety triggers are non-school things (lifts, dogs, competitions, new experiences) so I don't think it will be causing much of an issue at school, yet.

Hi, just wanted to add to this as my son had the same. However I do think the book mentioned above was a turning point- it gave us both strategies to deal with his anxiety and it showed him how many people out there feel the same! I also bought him some meditation CDs which he loves at bedtime. He is now I'm year 4 and his anxiety is so much better, we know it's just the thinking about it that's worse than the doing. Well done you for addressing this, I truly think they can overcome it with help.

Oh and I also mentioned casually times at work when I was stressed and worried about eg speaking in public, and said how I handled it- and asked his advice at times. I wanted him to know we all get anxious and that's normal if you see what I mean?

My son in now in Year 6. He has anxiety, anything from a couple of days to 2 weeks every September. It is due to change-teachers,classrooms,rotating friends in different classes etc. What I found helped is a school counsellor. Does your school have one?