August 31st birthday - how can I prepare him for school?

[SpanielFace]

DS was born on 31st August 2012, so will be starting school in September 2016. It's suddenly starting to feel very real and very close, it's his 3rd birthday tomorrow but next month we will be looking at primary schools. He's going to be so very young! I've looked at the pros and cons of deferring a year, but he's developmentally normal and seems fairly bright, and has two university educated summer-born parents, so I don't think we will be keeping him back. But, does anyone have any advice on how we can prepare him?

He currently does 1 full day a week at a very good nursery, and will be going up to 2 days from next week. They are great, and he has come on so much there. I'm not worried about the academic stuff as I'm aware there will be children with a wide range of abilities when he starts. But is there anything that's really useful to teach them, especially in terms of things like getting himself dressed, taking himself to the toilet etc? What should I be thinking about? What happens if he can't do those things - will there be someone in reception class to help him if he can't wipe his own bottom, for example?! I have no idea!

Also, any advice on what questions to ask when we start looking at schools? We are lucky enough to have 3 good state primary schools in our area, but I know that it's more important to find the right one for him, rather than just looking at Ofsted ratings etc. What would you look at?
Any advice gratefully received.

In terms of being ready, the following things are helpful...

Recognising (but not writing) his name
Being able to put his own coat on
Being able to change into and out of his clothes and into shorts and a t shirt
Being able to sit and listen to a story
Being able to take turns with a game
Being able to follow simple instructions
Going to the toilet independently
Having a good go at wiping his own bottom (generally, he will not be helped to wipe his bottom unless there are medical or SEN reasons why he needs help)
Being able to tell an adult if he needs something, or something is wrong

I think that when you go and visit the 3 schools, you will get a "gut feel" for where you ds will be happy. Ask about the things your ds is interested in e.g. sport, music etc. Ask about their opportunities for child initiated learning at Reception, and creative learning/cross curricular learning across the school (if those things are important to you). Ask about how poor behaviour is handled, and good behaviour and effort are rewarded.

Although there are 3 good state schools in your area, which is your catchment school? Were the other schools over-subscribed? What are the admission arrangements for all 3 schools? You may not actually have much choice over where your ds goes to school if all 3 are generally over subscribed.

Hi, thank you, that's really helpful. He is hopeless at getting himself dressed at the moment, and isn't interested in trying. I keep telling myself that a year is a long time at this age! The rest (other than bum wiping) he is doing already.

I honestly don't know about the subscription levels of the local schools. How would I find out? Our nearest school is the one that I think I'd like him to go to - their website just says that they follow the admission criteria of siblings of children at the school, followed by looked after children, children with SENs, and then it is on distance from the school. We are about 0.6 miles. The other two are about a mile away. There is another school also about a mile away with a bad reputation, which obviously I'm less keen on. I've heard that in our county, 98% of parents got their first or second choice last year, so fingers crossed.

Ask how they teach reading. If the answer is anything other than a clear 'phonics' then think hard about choosing the school.

Otherwise go with a school you like the feel of.

Yes find out from the LEA about which is your catchment school and how much choice you will realistically have, especially if you have, or are planning, more children.

Personally I would advise not being put off bigger schools because they might appear overwhelming at first. It's easier to get your head round a smaller school with a little one, but if it's single form entry or even smaller, it's a bit of a lottery whether you find friends you gel with in that group. DD is in a 3 form entry school and there are a lot of upsides. She's found some lovely friends (none of her best friends were even in her YR class), the teachers split the planning, they have wide and deep experience of SEN and pretty much any other issue that can come up. The most and least able have more peers. Everywhere we go, she sees people she knows. In Y5/6, a small pond can start to look like a puddle.

Of course there are many wonderful small schools with hosts of benefits, and there are many other aspects to consider. I'm not saying seek out a bigger school for the sake of it, but try to see past the initial draw that smallness has when your child is 2 or 3.

Don't panic about what he will need to do. As you say, a year is an awfully long time in his life. In the summer term of nursery, ours did stuff like sitting and listening, pouring water and carrying a lunch tray at nursery. But that is way off.

I disagree Teen phonics in isolation is not a great way to teach reading.

[sigh] Oh dear AndNowItsSeven

Just be wary of any school which says 'We teach phonics, but..' they're likely to mix it with other, unhelpful, strategies. Ask to see their early reading schemes -if they don't start with decodeable books their methods may be suspect.

I have 2 August born sons (well they're men now!) and it never even crossed my mind that they'd be the youngest in the class! Mind it was over 40 years ago.........they were both fine and did well. I think in those days we just sort of "went with the flow" and didn't worry about things so much. I think to be worrying a year before a child starts primary is a bit strange to be honest. I hope you're not anxious OP as if so your DS will pick this up and cause him to be anxious.

My DIL is a deputy head (primary school) and when my DGD (A) was about 6 or 7 there was a girl who was very possessive of her, and would not let (A) play with anyone else and would physically push them away. We saw this happen in the playground once. (A) was not happy about this other child and said that she had to "fake" being her best friend! She was scared of upsetting her and I was really annoyed at this girl because of course (A) was/is the light of my life! SO I suggested to my son (also a primary school teacher) and DIL that they talk to the teacher about this and try to put a stop to (A) being monopolised by this girl.

My very wise DIL disagreed. She said that "as parents we need to teach out children the skills to deal with whatever comes along in their lives" - though obviously intervening if there was anything serious. Well the girl left the area in Year 3 so (A) was much happier, but she says now (in her teens) that she remembers it well and would never let anyone else treat her like that - so it was a good lesson to learn.

DIL says she often gets parents coming in with worries over their children and the behaviour of other children, and requests that she "keep an eye" on the situation, or can you move my child, so she doesn't have to sit next to X, Y or Z. DIL says that the friendship groups in primary school often change (especially with the girls) and there is a lot of falling in and falling out and refuses to move children, as she knows the day after they've been crying that their best friend doesn't like them any more, they will have made it up......boys apparently are less trouble in that way, as they don't tend to have "best friends" but of course there are sub-groups as in any group situation.

OP your child is 3 - please don't start worrying over his education now - there are another 15 years to go...........and that's a long time to worry!

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Nananina, I wouldn't have said I was particularly anxious, just thinking about it - given the amount of news coverage that here has been over the last few years about summer born children under-achieving at school, I don't think I'm unusual in that? If you search on here there have been loads of threads about people considering keeping their children back a year for that reason, so I think to say that it's strange is a bit unfair. Also, while school may be a year away, school open days are next month, so I think it's sensible to be thinking about how to choose the right school? (If we actually get a choice, as people have said!)

Flomple, that's helpful, thank you. I don't think any of the schools are less than two form intakes around us. My younger brother went to a much bigger primary school than me and had a similar experience - he seemed to know half of his year at his secondary school when he changed, and settled in really quickly, whereas I only knew a few others.

Lots to think about! I can't believe we're at the school application stage already! I only have the vaguest idea of what phonics even is - I'm guessing that's all going to change in the next few years!

I don't think it's strange to be worried about it OP, my DD is 7 weeks old and it's already crossed my mind!

I think my DS (same age as OP's DS) can do about two things from that list reliably. It is an useful list to look at, thanks littlefish.

Seems hard trying to figure out stuff like interests - does he like sport or music? I haven't a clue, he likes Shaun the Sheep, balloons, and chocolate. I guess I'm expecting him to change at least as much in the next year as he did in the last

Haha slightlyglitter, my DS likes Mr Tumble, jumping from one sofa to the other and eating cake! Do you think those can be classed as extra curricular activities?

My DD's best friend has a 30th August birthday. When my eldest children started (2 form intake) the children were divided by birth dates - so 1 class roughly Sept - Feb birthdays, the other class March - Aug. They no longer do that but of the 30 children in my child's class, 8 had August birthdays. So whilst 31st Aug is obviously as young as it can be, there are likely to be other children only days or weeks older.

I think the list above is great. I think also alot of it can be down to your perception / behaviour. "Big it up" rather than say you're worried about it (but don't overplay the transition), be excited about it rather than nervous, don't fuss on the days you visit the school / do settling in days.

There will be settling in days before they start - I think our school does 3 - one where the parent stays, one where the parent stays for an hour (then leaves for an hour) and then one where the parents leave for the whole session - all of these took place in the June / July before the school holidays. One mum took the contact details of the other parents and we all met in the park a couple of times so the children got to know each other too before the start of term.

In terms of over subscription, you should be able to find out how many applications were made for school places (our LA publishes those) but agree you need to visit and ask those sorts of questions. Look out for whether the person showing you round knows the childrens' names, whether the children are approaching the teachers, look engaged etc.

I do sometimes wonder if under achievement of summer borns is due to them beeing treated like babies for longer and low expectations of them. My two are summer born and I never, ever, worried about how they would fit into school and cope. I expected that they would.

I think a year is a long time in child development and when mine started, a homework was getting dressed after PE in 3 minutes! They came home in PE kit and had to get dressed at home, against the clock! They thought it was fun! Next summer, start trying something like that. I assume he is not getting changed after swimming lessons at school. Also, he will probably do what the majority of other children do in the time he is given to do it! Just avoid lace up shoes if he cannot do the laces. Children like to conform and be praised by the teacher.

Regarding the schools. You can find out to what distance your local school has offered places. Are you in catchment? Do they always take all catchment? Do they take others living outside the catchment? This varies with siblings and other categories but the school or the LA's web site (admissions data) will tell you the admission history. There is little point looking at a school where chldren from your location never get a place. Where do most chidren in your neighbourhood go and do you want your DC to have friends he can walk to school with when he is older? I think these things often outweigh a 'grass is greener' type of school - which can easily change in a few years anyway.

Ask how they deal with toilet accidents. You will find horrific stories on MN regarding the way some schools approach this. I think a school with humane and sane rules around this area is likely to have other good qualities.