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Primary education

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Original poster

DD 5 refuses to read or write - nothing is helping!

22 replies

vladthedisorganised · 18/08/2015 20:50

Sorry if this is a common topic - in some ways I really hope it is!
DD is 5 and just finished reception year. Reports were good and apparently she's reading well at school, though it's always a real struggle to get her to read her reading books at home. Once she did start to read, she'd whizz through it so it didn't seem that she was finding things difficult.

Last year she enjoyed doing 'buddy reading' with library books so I tried this again over the holidays - however, she's gone on a total strike as far as reading is concerned. She loves being read to, but won't read a single word - not even if I share the reading with her. I tried taking out books on topics she liked - nothing doing; she's happy to be read to but not to read. So far, over the year I've tried:

  • leaving out books that look appealing - nothing
  • removing the TV - nothing
  • buddy reading of more complicated books - she hates this
  • reading simple books she can easily read - she hates this too
  • graphic novel sort of books - will look at the pictures but won't read the words
  • bribery/ reward - nothing
  • letting her see her friends enjoying reading - nothing
  • doing nothing and giving up - she likes taking out books from the library but refuses to read them
I've even tried writing a story with her using simple words (it's not bad, actually) and though she liked the story she dictated to me, she refused to write any of the words or read any of them when we were finished - and she came up with the story herself!

I can't really get to the bottom of why she seems to hate it so much. She's apparently ahead of expected levels in comprehension, but not sure what the problem is with reading.

Has anyone had any luck in a similar situation?

OP posts:
alicemalice · 18/08/2015 20:58

I'm not sure you can force a child to enjoy reading.

I would just back off and see if she comes to it in her own time. But some kids are just not big readers.

jeronimoh · 18/08/2015 21:00

She's reading at school so I wouldn't worry. Just carry on reading to her and telling her stories at home.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 18/08/2015 21:03

Why are you going to all of this effort? Can't she just have a bit of a break and relax?

BerniceB · 18/08/2015 21:09

The best thing you can do is just keep reading to her and not forcing it. She's still learning whilst you're reading.

Crystal2002 · 18/08/2015 22:00

Reading doesn't need to be regimented. Sometimes my daughter will try And read signs while we are out and about or even things on the TV. Could you get her to pick out a magazine she likes ? A lot of them practice letter writing and have stories in them. I remember reading sitting reading cereal boxes when I was a kid (in my head ).

Capewrath · 18/08/2015 22:10

DS loathed reading ( and still does). But his comprehension was well beyond his skill. Is she bored by the choice of book? DS even at that age scorned the school choice and although in the disciplined aura of school was prepared to do it, rebelled at home.

If so, find things that are funny or intriguing, and read them to yourself half out loud. Ferdinand the bull, the jolly postman, the Dr Seuss about the moose spring to mind. Or Madeleine or Eloise. Or something much older, like swallows and amazons or stig of the dump.

It failed with DS but because he is dyslexic.

Minicaters · 18/08/2015 22:17

Back off completely until school's back, at least.

With the number of things you've tried she probably knows this is a way to push your buttons.

If she won't read with you at all, just read to her. Either just as you are, or run your finger under the text. Eventually you could ask her to point at the words while you read them, or just read the 'a's or the main character's name, or she might just take the initiative and read to you. She's only just finished YR, it is very early days.

My DD is a great and insatiable reader now (y3-4) but she struggled with even 2 letter words until summer of y1. Then it clicked suddenly and spectacularly. I think her teacher's advice to relax and not stress her was spot on... not sure how that would fit with the new Y1 curriculum but I'm sure her new teacher will advise.

domesticslattern · 18/08/2015 22:33

Some ideas-
Writing/ receiving letters or postcards (my DC love mail!)
Comics, magazines, websites, maps (eg on days out at the zoo- where does it say tigers etc)
Helping to read signs, instructions, prices etc when out and about
At one point I used to write DD1 very short bespoke stories (one page- 5 or 6 sentences per day) which she was always desperate to read as she was the star and I used to make up funny things based on the day's events! Nothing fancy but she adored them.

The key thing is not to push it but to give them things they want to read. Otherwise it turns into a giant chore. And it is the holidays after all!

mrz · 19/08/2015 07:28

Keep reading to her it's not a problem ... You know she can read books at an appropriate level if she chooses. It's not long before she's back at school

annandale · 19/08/2015 07:35

Just leave it and keep reading to her. Early days, I promise you. I was exactly where you are six years ago and am the astonished parent of a child with a high achievement in writing as he heads off to secondary.

Eastpoint · 19/08/2015 07:42

Do you think she might be a perfectionist & worried about reading wrongly? Or she might not want to grow up & not be read to anymore. Is she a first child? Just thoughts, not an expert in anyway.

mrsmortis · 19/08/2015 08:30

Will she read with someone else? As hard as it may be sometimes it takes someone with a different relationship with the child to have them feel the freedom to act. Perhaps she and Grandma can bake a cake together and Grandma can ask for help with the recipe?

TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad · 19/08/2015 08:53

Back off completely. She's only 5, FGS.

And make her an appointment at the opticians.

DeeWe · 19/08/2015 11:24

I would stop asking her to read and just read to her. If you get a small chapter book (rainbow fairies are excellent) you can leave it at a cliff hanger and she may eventually pick the book up to find out what's going on next.
You can even say "Light off now, or would you like 10 minutes to read.". And don't make a fuss about it.

Has she got a Nintendo Ds? At a point I though my ds wouldn't write anything I found he was writing quite a bit on the chat function using a pen with his sisters.

TalkinPeace · 19/08/2015 16:39

My child refused to read or write until the start of year 2.
I still have their "reading" record from year R -
the frustration of the teacher drips off every page.

Child could only write their name until the end of year R and that was barely legible.
Child would memorise books that were read aloud as a way to pretend to read.

So I waited and watched and waited and watched.
Then one day it all clicked.
On its own, for no apparent reason.

Said child is about to start Year 11 with solid A and A* predictions in his GCSEs assuming the big grumpy sod does any work

Enjoy having a little kid.
It does not last long.
Enjoy the summer holiday with your child.
They will be glued to their phone in all too few years.

Angelto5 · 19/08/2015 16:55

I find having the subtitles on when they're watching tv also helps & echo a pp about getting her eyes tested.(my ds passed the school eye test but still needed strong glasses after his teacher recommended a eye exam @ the opticians)

Narp · 21/08/2015 06:50

I would back off and continue reading to her. She is only 5 and all the anxiety you feel is bound to be putting her back up. I have been there with DS1. It clicked for him and at 15 he is doing wonderfully well in English.

He also like audiobooks at this age.

Trust her teachers to let you know if they think there's a problem

elfonshelf · 26/08/2015 19:12

Welcome to my world.

DD has been a nightmare for refusing to do anything. Each time we thought we'd cracked it and then she went right back to refusing again. Teachers and I were tearing our hair out.

She's about to go into Y2 so we will see what happens, but by the end of last term she was reading and writing really well, scored 100% in the phonics test and was at the top of the class in maths.

What worked for us was putting her on a table on her own or one other in the classroom for table work - she's very gregarious so we thought this would be a disaster but she actually prefers it; making things competitive for her - she wanted to move up book levels as fast as possible so we all invented a new system of classifying to con her into it and above all, her realising that no matter how much she wanted to be a baby again it wasn't going to happen and it was time to grow up a bit.

We took off all pressure with regards to homework and reading levels. I did no reading with her at all unless she came to me with a book in her hands. I have a huge variety of children's books in the house so this wasn't a problem.

She also wanted to read books that were beyond her ability but as long as she had picked it we let her try.

It's unbelievably frustrating - especially when you have a bright child who won't rather than can't. Teachers did say that they had seen it all before and the worst thing I could do was stress and worry. Much sympathy, but it does seem to be the case that waiting for them to be ready is the only solution.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 26/08/2015 19:26

Book eye test. My two both long sighted. Only picked up when DD started getting headaches and I took DS for check too.

Reading to her is main thing. I sometimes say wrong word and DS corrects me. She may not be able to resist correcting you. My two find my mistakes hilarious.

Lovewearingjeans · 28/08/2015 16:40

My ds2 (9), found reading and writing difficult until getting well into year 2. He is now about to start year 5, and every night we have to make sure he switches his light off when we tell him too, otherwise he doesn't stop reading! Sometimes it really clicks when they find a book that has them gripped as they get older. As Ghoul said above, make mistakes with words to see if she notices! And enjoy the last few days of holidays before school starts again.

Minicaters · 28/08/2015 17:28

Good shout Ghoul & TheyreMad. Eye test.

Rarity08 · 28/08/2015 17:31

Battle of wills. If you back off and don't talk about it, she may resume. But if she doesn't enjoy it there isn't much you can do.

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