Fighting in Primary school.

[admylin]

Do you experience much fighting going on in your dc's primary school? Is it normal for there to be real fights with fists and kicking and punching?

Today I went to collect ds and as always was waiting outside the classroom door. As the bell went , a boy ran out and the next child out ran to me and said that ds was crying because the other boy had hit him. I wasn't so worried but went in to collect him, he was sobbing and I found out later that this boy had used a head lock on him and punched the top of his head with the other hand. Then I was shocked, as I find that really violent not just lads scrapping. Ds is quiet and well liked in the class and he swears he didn't do or say anything to make the other boy mad.
Last week a boy in his class kicked a tooth out of another boy , fights been going on since September and in general they are not very disciplined. This is the first time ds has aver been in any fight or anything.

Well tomorrow when I take him to school what should I do? Ignore the whole thing and hope the teacher deals with it or should I stay and speak to her? Today she said she couldn't do anything because the other boy had already ran off, fair enough.

It happens a lot but I would be concerned if the school appeared to not be bothered when it does happen. Speaking as a mum of a ds with sn who has regularly been involved when fights break out I think its important that teachers don't just ignore it. I would definately speak to the teacher about your concerns.

So how do they deal with it at your ds school? When he has been involved in fights what do the teachers do to sort it out? You see we are in an inner city school in Berlin so things are abit different. In Germany teachers don't think they should educate kids other than the curriculum so the "upbringing" part of education as in manners is zero.

admylin, are you in Germany? This ought to be a complete no-no -- from your post it sounds as if it happened in the classroom with the teacher present, which surely can't be right.

My dc's primary school is in a rough part of London, but they all know fighting is Not Okay. I suspect it happens occasionally in the further corners of the playground, but absolutely not in the presence of staff of any kind. It's a suspending offence, without a doubt, and there's usually one incident every year or so where kids do actually get excluded for a couple of days, even though it's usually a case of a playfight gone wrong. My ds is in Y3, and would def. tell me if there were fights going on. He's never come home with any injury other than accidental collisions or the occasional nip or scratch from one particularly disturbed boy in his class. Oh yes, apart from one of his friends in Reception who was a biter, but the staff knew about it and always dealt with it satisfactorily IMO.

Your ds's class sounds like Lord of the Flies -- not okay imo, children should feel safe at school.

Oh I didn't know that. In that case talking to the teacher probably won't help much but I'd still give it a go if it was me. Ds has fulltime 1:1 as he has a statement but there are other boys in his year who have similar behavioural difficulties and the school always seem to deal with problems as best they can. There's a group of lads that are very lively and it often spills over into fighting and aggression. The teachers have put them in seperate classes this year and they are encouraged to play with other children. Having said this it is hard for the school to completely manage these types of situations. Ds is really attracted to other boys like him so often makes a beeline for them in the playground. Although he is supervised during playtime his TA watches from a distance to give him the freedom to play and they say he often runs straight over to where the trouble is.

In the UK I think schools would have a Policy for this sort of thing. There seems to be a graded set of sanctions in ds's school involving staying in at playtime, missing Golden Time, sent to deputy, sent to head's office, letter home, exclusion.

But they should really be nipping it in the bud rather than waiting for things to kick off. Last year we had an incident in ds's (then) Y2 class where the boys had been playing at being in gangs. Although there was no real harm done (don't think anyone was injured) the school came down on them like a ton of poo. All the boys involved (including my ds) were sent for individual tellings-off with the headteacher, and a letter was sent home asking us to have a word with our sons and reinforce the message. All of which seemed pretty reasonable to me, and there hasn't been any trouble since that I'm aware of -- and I think I would be, ds can't keep secrets!

Teacher/school needs a kick up the behind, Germany or not -- maybe point out to them that such behaviour would be assault in adult terms, and that your ds has a right to attend his place of learning without being attacked, so what strategies do they have to keep him safe?

Thanks frogs, I must try to translate all that advice, that is exactly what I think school should be like and the "being sent to the headmaster" punishment is unheard of here. Have to get my dictionary out and practice as I have just heard from dh that we have to stick it out here in Berlin for atleast another year.

If you want any help with the phrasing, just let me know. German is technically my first language, even though I don't get much call for it these days, but I've done my time battling with German bureaucracy!

Good luck -- this sounds completely out of order. Are you in a position to find out what other parents think? A complaint is always more powerful if there are a few of you steaming in rather than just one.