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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Starting Reception - can't wipe own bottom

51 replies

MrsHathaway · 25/06/2015 19:09

DC1 started school having ticked all the boxes for what was required such as being able to dress himself and recognise his own name etc etc etc.

DC2 ticks every box but one - he cannot wipe after a poo. He pt at 2.4 and was dry at night by 3 but this has been a sticking point.

We realised recently that he can't quite reach round to do it. We knew his arms were too short to reach round the side, but he can't reach through his legs either. He has always been around the 50th centile, sometimes dipping towards 25th for weight and 75th for height. He has otherwise no problems with coordination - plays football well and can write his name and copy other words and drawings.

Obviously there's a couple of months to go yet but I wonder if anyone has any insights to offer.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Mopmay · 25/06/2015 23:08

I really wouldn't worry. I am convinced my dd never poos at school. She's nearly 6 and rubbish at wiping yet only once have I had dirty pants off her !!!! Most can't do it properly at 4

Original poster
MrsHathaway · 26/06/2015 07:17

Success!

He's just been. I asked him to stand up and stick out his tummy AND HE COULD REACH!

Love Mumsnet. Question answered.

OP posts:
SkodaLabia · 26/06/2015 09:10

Phew, glad no sponge on a stick is needed, very tricky to fit in a book bag.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 26/06/2015 15:09

My DS claims never to have pooed at primary too!

teafor1 · 26/06/2015 16:02

My son is finishing year 2 and has never pooed at school. I'd be surprised if he ever does!

clam · 26/06/2015 17:48

I teach in quite a prosperous leafy area and in a recent pre-Nursery (or might possibly have been Reception, not sure) questionnaire for parents that included questions about how independent their dc's toileting skills were, nearly half of the parents stated an issue.
One mother added an addendum that, whilst her child couldn't wipe/ flush/wash hands, he was nonetheless very skilled on the ipad! (Eek, think of the germs!!!) If only there was an app to reinforce bottom-wiping skills!

Mind you, gives new meaning to the term "swipe." Grin

So no, OP, your ds will not, by any means, be alone.

WhattodowithMum · 26/06/2015 17:57

I worried about this with my eldest. She could reach, but just did a horrible job of it. (It resolved itself naturally with time and practise.)

In the end, it was a non-issue; she never pooped at school anyway. I think most of them don't feel relaxed enough at school poop anyway. The worst that could happen is that he comes home with a sore bum and you put him in the bathtub (because, if he is like my dc, he will never let the teacher know what is happening vis a vis his toiletting anyway.)

ChocolateWombat · 26/06/2015 20:04

For a start, you have 2 months to work really hard at this - that length of time can make a real difference.
Secondly,if it isn't perfect by the time he starts, don't worry too much. As many have said, he may well not poo at school - loads don't due to preferring to do it at home or just their body cycle meaning they do it first thing in the morning or at night. Also, as long as a half decent attempt has been made, if he has a few skid marks when he gets home, it won't be the end of the world.
As has been said, large numbers of reception age kids are not perfect bum wipers - the teachers or TAs really can't be checking each attempt and helping unless there is a more serious issue than just normal 4/5 year old imperfect bum wiping.
Do t worry.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 26/06/2015 20:10

DS2 is 4 and in reception. He is useless as wiping his own bum, scrunches up the paper and dabs away rather than folding and wiping.

I told him he needed to wipe properly or people at school would notice the smell and he looked at me in an aghast manner "I don't poo at school!"

reni1 · 27/06/2015 00:38

Multi pack of cheap pants, throw them out if grizzly. Most don't poo at school often.

Scoobyblue · 27/06/2015 07:40

My son is finishing year 3 and has never done a poo in school either!

Original poster
MrsHathaway · 27/06/2015 08:31

This morning he fell over trying Grin

OP posts:
reni1 · 27/06/2015 09:30

He could wrap some tissue round the loo seat and move back and forth on that? Like flossing.

TheBookofRuth · 27/06/2015 09:33

It's a requirement of the nursery DD will be starting in September, and she's only 3.5. I'm a bit concerned about whether she'll manage it tbh.

mrz · 27/06/2015 09:59

It's illegal to have it as a condition for admission to nursery

TheBookofRuth · 27/06/2015 10:05

Really? That's good to know. I thought it seemed a bit much.

ChocolateWombat · 27/06/2015 10:35

Isn't it illegal to insist that children are out of nappies? Whilst some children start school in nappies, the vast majority don't. Many nurseries taking over 3s used to have it as a requirement, but don't now.
Bottom wiping is a different matter. So children who are still in nappies will get help/be changed, but I really don't think there is any obligation for a school to be helping a toilet trained child with their bum wiping in school.

As I said before, many reception age children are poor bum wipers. Most don't poo regularly at school and a few skid marks until 3pm don't warrant teachers or TAs checking bum wiping or doing it for them. They will only get involved for more serious toileting issues or if a child isn't toilet trained.

mrz · 27/06/2015 16:53

No there isn't an obligation on the school to help children wipe their bums but there is an obligation not to leave children in soiled underwear and there is an obligation not to exclude children because they can't yet clean themselves

Chewbecca · 27/06/2015 18:33

DS is now 11 and has never pooed in school and has always been a bit of a rubbish wiper

diploddycus · 27/06/2015 18:47

I'm so glad you posted this OP. My son is going into P1 (so 6 months older than reception but I guess 6 months doesn't make much difference right?) and he can't wipe his own bum. He has autism and crap coordination. I'm dreading this! It's been a bit of a relief to hear most kids will be the same. We've had a few meetings with the school but I've never mentioned it, it's only been something that's dawned on me in the past couple of days.

I'm having visions of him going to the toilet and getting stuck there because he doesn't know what to do.

Ahh.

WhattodowithMum · 27/06/2015 18:57

They start so young don't they? I can't help feeling that, if they were a little older, it wouldn't be such a big deal.

My eldest DD, who has turned out to be very bright, sporty and able, couldn't wipe her bum competently until she was about 8! (In my opinion anyway.) She also wet her pants in Reception because she was afraid of the toilets. Couldn't reach the lights, doors stuck, etc.

These things are normal, they happen, it's really not such a big deal, and it in no way indicates the overall quality of your child. They are tiny going into reception at 4.

Stillnoidea · 27/06/2015 21:18

I wouldn't worry about it too much. My DS (age 5) still gets me to wipe his bottom and given that I had to wipe his friend's the other day when he was here on a play date, I don't think he's alone. Like others have said, he just doesn't poo at school but saves it for home - the joy!

Kzl1987 · 27/06/2015 21:42

My son is due to start reception in September and I still have trouble getting him to poo on the toilet let alone wipe his bum, he's been potty trained (wees) since he turned 3, but has always kept it for his night time nappies. I wasn't too concerned by this as our hv said that it's pretty normal but with starting school coming up I've taken the bull by the horns and stopped nappies at bedtime all together, so he's being forced to try really. He's doing really well with dry beds actually but pooing is a right performance, he holds it in and will jump around screaming that his bum hurts, so il encourage him to go to the toilet. He holds it in until the very last minute and then hel go a bit and get off then by time he s ready to finish off hel make a mess in his pants or on the floor. I praise him for trying as I don't want to put him off but it's proving to be quite a task! Hoping hel get the hang of it by time he starts big school. He only turned 4 a couple of weeks ago.

hiccupgirl · 27/06/2015 22:47

I really wouldn't worry tbh.

My DS is 5.5 and in Reception. He tried to wipe his bottom but usually does a pretty awful job of it and on the rare occasions he does a poo at school, the pants go in the bin when he gets home cos they are gross. Talking to other mums, he is not the only one. Luckily he mostly poos at home so it's not been a big issue.

As long as you're encouraging him to try himself, he will get there when his arms a long enough.

notinminutenow · 28/06/2015 04:12

Lots of practise over the summer & try not to worry.

As an aside my DS is y7 and has never had a poo at school. Not even sure he has a wee! Onviously takes after his mum who got to upper sixth without ever having to go at school. Not ever!