School DL complained about my son to another parent (and swore) - acceptable?

[JolsonSings]

I have just been told by another parent that one of the lunchtime supervisors at school said to her "he's fu*ing s*t himself again" talking about my son.

My son is 5, and I know he shouldn't still be having accidents at his age, and it's a pain for the school to deal with, but he does have some additional needs (been trying to get a diagnoses for past 2 years).

This is wrong on so many levels - moaning to another parent, swearing - but I'm most concerned that they are just labelling my son as naughty rather than making allowances for his additional needs.

I'm going to talk to the school next week - but would appreciate any advice others have on how to approach it. Thanks.

Are you absolutely sure that this is what happened? Does the other parent have form for exaggerating or getting events slightly wrong?

Also I'd not assume that a dinner lady is kept up to date of childrens' additional needs, its possible that she thinks your son is NT.

But if its true then yes speak to the school, I hope no other children overheard the remark. This is just my opinion but I'd email the school first & set down in writing what happened & ask for a meeting in the next few days. This will give the school time to investigate & speak to the DL herself & a meeting will be much more productive. If you go & speak them off the bat then all they can say is, we will investigate. Also if you feel its not dealt with properly in the future an email is proof of the concerns you raised & when they were raised.

Could you explain how the other parent was in school at lunch time? Is she also staff .. just passing etc? Id be fuming ... and this situation is not uncommon AN or not

If a 5 yo had that type of accident at school, I would assume that some sort of illness/disability/SEN is involved. Anyone who works with children would assume this. Children do not poo themselves in the lunch hall to be naughty.

That said, was it said in momentary frustration? Was this within hearing of another child or your child? How is your son treated? I think you should say something, but try to put the complaint in context. If he is unfailingly treated with compassion then my complaint would be different than if he is being told off for something he cannot help.

I would complain. Straight to the governors. That is an appalling attitude to have towards a child.

Thanks all.

I totally believe the parent who told me this, but I also realise this is hearsay so I'm treading carefully!

The incident actually happened at the after school club, that's why the parent was there.

Good advice re email. Will send them an email and ask to go in for a chat later in the week.

Frustrated outburst is not acceptable ... I dont know anyone who would say it out loud in earshot of a parent let alone a child. Email the facts as you know them.

I'd be furious.
It's not uncommon for reception aged children to still have these accidents Itk and has nothing to do with illness/disability/SEN.
I agree to email first then follow up on their response in person

Email in the first instance to the head. I wouldn't go straight to the governors because they will simply look to see if you've followed the school complaints procedure first.

Head will probably be horrified if it is true.

I meant to say, you could ask to go straight in for a meeting with the head, but all they will say is that they will need to investigate. Instead, an email explaining the issue, and asking for an appointment in a day or two will allow the head to carry out the investigations and hopefully enable them to report back their findings.

Is the after school club run by the school? Some are independent.

Jeez, no need to go straight to the Governors FFS. Email a great way to approach it. If not happy with the response/outcome then consider the Governors.

I am a lunch time supervisor and no, if this is what she said then it is completely unaceptable and, in my mind, a breach of confidentiality.

I would speak to the Head Teacher first and follow up with an e-mail and aim for a calm, please investigate and ensure this does not happen again tone. Not because you don't have a right to be pissed off, but you're more likely to be taken seriously that way.

It is not an excuse but lunch time supervisors often have bugger all training and support, I use a lot of skills learned from previous jobs in the playground.

Personally, I would ask to speak to the head. Some (not all)heads have a valid - -ready made excuse - - all ready if you give them the heads up. Once you have a response you are happy with, confirm the outcome and create a paper trail.

This is very un professional from the staff member and I hope they get a formal telling off.

Jeez, I'd go and talk to the head. Thats really not good enough.

That said, was it said in momentary frustration?

Who cares?
If that is what was said, frustrated or otherwise, that person is not suited to be working with young children.
I would email the Head. Depending on their response, escalate if necessary. Any decent Head would be appalled that one of their staff acted in this fashion.

JolsonSings? Interesting choice of nickname ;-)