Looking as if we may send our child to private education, am worried we won't 'fit in'

[Janus]

Just that really!! We didn't get into our preferred, second or third choice of primary school, am still waiting to hear about the 4th choice. We are now much better financially off than we were with our other 3 who have all gone to the local schools and are doing well. I love the school that the other 3 went to but we are very unlikely to now get in, too far down the waiting list etc. My older 2 are at the local secondary school and one is doing GCSE'S next year and, with some effort, she could get 6 or 7 A's. My next child is just in Year 7 and is in top set for everything. So the local state school has been really good for us.
But as it seems the state schools we have used so far are not available we may have to go private for our last one. The real pro side I can see is that he seems to love being outside doing anything with a ball and people seem to think he's good at this. So at a private school I think there is more opportunities for more sports. But I could also just enrol him into other outside activities locally, local tennis club, football club etc. He hasn't yet shown that he is exceptionally bright. He can write his own name, knows all his numbers but he doesn't know all his letters and he is nowhere near being able to read. I am worried that he will therefore be behind already when he starts Reception in September. Does everyone do pre-school extra work to ensure that theirs know all this when they start a private school, am I behind already?
I am also worried that everyone will be super rich and they will not be amused at me in my old, banged up car! We don't 'do' ski holidays, don't go sailing, etc, etc. I know I am being very negative and judgemental here! But what if my boy just doesn't fit in, what if he/we are not liked?
I guess my main worries really are that we are already behind and that he will also get a slightly strange view of the world, i.e. that people have money when many do not.
Are these valid worries or am I being silly?

I moved DC1 to private at y3 because I was worried about the local secondaries. dC1 is an average kind of child, moderately bright, not interested in school work. Fitted right in to the middle of the class at the private school even though they had higher expectations - 8year old child should have a reading age higher than 8 for example. I still really miss the shorter journey to the state primary and the wider social mix. I thin kDC1 will always be perfectly happy coasting in the middle of whatever school class he is in.

I am not sure what you get in a private school reception class that you would not get in a state school reception class other than learning to cope with more school uniform! Tell your DH you can put the school fees into a savings account and move your boy to a private school later if he needs a bit more of a push with school work.

We as parents don't fit in (not born in this country, not finance/law, not usual number of kids etc) but then it would be the case in state schools as well. Even though London is brilliant for oddballs like us, it's difficult when you don't fit in a number of boxes available. Despite that our son made friends at school. He might be slightly hampered that other parents socialise separately. We had talks that even though children might like him it doesn't mean that their parents would like him or us for that matter so make the most of play time at school. If you are ok and matter of fact about it (for me it took a long time ) your child will sort it out for themselves. It's a good practice for real life as well. It also taught me not to dismiss people out of hand if we don't seem to have much in common. I used those occasions to talk to my son about kindness and trying to involve outsiders as he is very much in (at the moment anyway).

At your DC's age there will be no problem at all, he pupils will all be at different stages anyway. With regard to fitting in, there will always be some parents who think they are better than you but do you really want to make friends wi people like that? There will be many families that have made education a priority and will be spending most of their spare cash on the fees so won't be off on skiing holidays or visiting their summer homes. The only thing I would say is to be aware that the costs don't stop at fees. Uniform tends to be exclusive to that particular school and therefore expensive, including sports equipment, then there are other extras such as music lessons. As your child gets older you will find school trips are often long haul, such as rugby tours, cricket tours etc to places such as South Africa and Malaysia. Having said all that I found it worked perfectly for my son.

Go for the state school. Save the ££, protect family harmony and have a nice holiday!
If I could turn the clock back I'd do state for all of mine in primary.

Well it depends which independent school you're talking about, but at the one my DS attends there are a real mixture of parents. Some are well off and take expensive holidays/drive nice cars, others aren't and don't, but I think you've got a bit of a skewed view tbh. I went to private school from 7-18 and intend for my DC to do the same, but not everyone is rich, by any means. By your reckoning is everyone at a state school dirt poor?!!! I know plenty of families that go skiing and sailing, but send their kids to the local primary.

I have a real problem with families privately educating only some of their children. This isn't a fault thing - we can all only afford whatever we can afford - it's more the problems that it causes down the line between siblings. The scope for simmering resentment can last well into adulthood. And, dare I say it, it's worse when the private educated child is the boy.

I would think long and hard OP. In 20 years' time you will be staring down the barrel of how to split your estate between your children, knowing that one has had the benefit (if it is a benefit) of an expensive education and the others didn't; wondering what would be best if the privately educated child ends up with better prospects (irrespective of whether this is because of his education - the slighted sibling will always think it will have been); wondering whether the expensively educated boy should be entitled to more or less than the state educated daughter who has married into money/the opposite or who has four children versus his two etc etc

Good luck. It's such a tough decision.

I was concerned how they would fit in as we were from the lower end of the financial scale at the non selective school. Didnt bother the kids and they joined in wity all groups and backgrounds. They loved going to see how the other lived at their upscale birthday parties.

My concern will be not whether we will fit in but whether we can afford the annual fee increase; as another poster said many of the private schools highly increase the fees year on year; these top private schools will soon be unaffordable for the normal middle classes and will only be affordable for the wealthy.