How does diversity work when you're 6?

[WhotheWhat]

My daughter has just told me that someone in her class doesn't like her because she 'doesn't pray'. It's been going on a while, apparently. The boy is Muslim, whereas my family have no religious affiliations. DD1 doesn't seem too bothered (I think the kid is a general PITA and not someone she'd be great mates with anyway), but she did bring it up. This is troubling me, but I can't work out why.

I live in Tower Hamlets in London. DD1 is 6 (yr 1) and at the local state primary. The school is diverse - ethically, culturally and economically, as is the area (we're close to the City). Majority of pupils are from Bangladeshi families, which also reflects the area (although there is an 'outstanding' Catholic school in the same area and a lot of the non-Bangladeshi family kids are from Catholic European countries, so the ratios are a bit skewed).

Anyway.....DD1 always been happy. The school itself seems to operate as the antithesis of the denominational schools in the area (no uniform, mud kitchens, teachers by their first names) and it has a good and growing reputation. Everyone rubs along together and I love how DD1 has friends from so many different backgrounds.

Is it just inevitable that children start picking up on differences, whatever they are? Or is this something that I should discuss with the teacher? She was very upset a few weeks ago because she didn't know 'what she was' - meaning whether she was a Christian or not. I talked it through with her but put it down to it being Easter (they'd discussed the Easter story), but maybe not.

I'd be very grateful for any views on this. I have a feeling I'm projecting because, growing up, I was the only person who didn't have a Christening bracelet wasn't Christened and that felt a bit odd in 1980s CofE suburbia, but I also don't want DD1 to have to defend who she is at such a young age.

Aghhh - I usually take this sort of stuff in my stride, but this is niggling me.

What do you think?

I don't think this is a philosophical problem. I think schools should have a policy of treating all people within the school with kindness and friendliness. If that isn't the policy, then the head should be asked about it. If it is, then there should be no discussion of disliking a person because of...

In short, it's a school management issue.

marytuda how do the white middle class mums who are on the PTA get those from other backgrounds along & taking part?

My DC are also at an ethnically/socially diverse school (not in London) & my Y2 child has struggled with not having a religion - itis clearly something that comes up a lot at this stage of schooling.

There is a school near here composed of nearly all white middle class 'Christian' parents (private international school) but parents still get into cliques; British, Americans, French, Canadians, Australians, Dutch etc. It is not an immigrant community but an ex-pat one with a very international outlook and they meet each other all around the world but still get drawn into their ethnic groups. I think everyone always gets drawn to others with a similar cultural background to themselves as that is where we feel most comfortable.

marytuda: Our PTA has quite a good mix or mums on the committee so when we have events we all pull together from our friends, which are mums in our kids year groups and there is a broad spectrum of helpers. The ones who don't get involved, either can't because they are working so much or wouldn't help anyway.

Bilberry: People do go to what is familiar and safe. But, in multicultural Britain, we need to be better than that. If the parents don't do it, the kids won't.

My point is our parents do do it, but it still happens in the school with the children. And believe me, they have a diversity platform on paper that is correct, but in the day to day truth of the school dynamic. It isn't happening.

I believe this is a cultural and social problem of reverse racism and it is happening at an alarmingly young age.

I believe it isn't being addressed and talked about openly because people and teachers are afraid to say it.

This is such a difficult subject, which is why it gets brushed under the carpet all the time . . . . Which means people, and I mean the (white-middle-class) people who have a choice, can segregate themselves with impunity, either by going private or moving to a smarter, all-posh-white area . . Yet as the world gets smaller, it's crucial from every point of view that we move beyond our ethnic/social/cultural bubble, all of us. The truth is the less privileged have no choice about that and they know it, if their children are to get on in life. . . When I go to my black partner's family gatherings I'm struck by how at ease they are with "white" people; but of course they are, they have to deal with us all the time, at work, school, college wherever . . . Whereas we white people, first time we are in a room full of black faces, it's "Aaargh! HELP!!" . . There's no excuse, IMO, in modern Britain.
How to get more non-white-middle-class involved the PSA? Well, just try being friendly. Don't expect instant results, just keep on being friendly.
If your white child makes friends with a brown child on own initiative (and best friendships are formed on child's own initiative, aren't they?) encourage it. Be thrilled about it, IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD. If your child is at a multi-ethnic school, make sure that his or her birthday parties are not all white . . . . And not just one token brown face either (it irritates me when my brown child is the token). If your posh white child is invited to a less posh brown child's party, go with enthusiasm, stay and talk to the other (brown) mums (about school, the teachers, usual stuff.) Do what you like out of school, but don't congregate in an all-white-middle-class group in the playground or any where else on school grounds . . .Trust me, everyone notices, and it all adds up.

Marytuda. I am in complete agreement with you. I do all those things. My child has done all those things. There is a large part of the school population that is doing the right thing, but there is still racism and classism happening within the school. My own DC's have friends from different backgrounds and have from the beginning, but by year 6 there begins to be a divide happening with the children. Some of it is down to which schools they will be going on to, some of it is down to which set they are in academically, and some of it is down by race. The kids do start to categorise each other, even if the parents don't, but they have a more simplistic view of the situation. That's why I think it is important to talk about it so the schools can get experts in to get a handle on the situation. I find it very depressing because when they are in reception they only notice if someone is nice to them or not.

With the exception of WHOTHEWAHT's child and the praying. I think you should speak to the teacher on that and they should speak to the child's parents so it can be addressed. Diversity should be celebrated in Britain.

My own children have a broad mix of people in their lives outside of school and in their own family, but at school she has been singled out by a group of girls who all happen to stick together by the colour of their own skin. It has been hurtful for her. Many of those girls have been to her birthdays. She has been to theirs. She's 11 and trying to make sense of it and finding it hard to understand. She has been doing the right things. She'll be ok. She has amazing people outside of school in her life and she will eventually just think those girls aren't very nice people in the end. But, at them moment she is scared the black girls at her new Secondary School will be mean like they have been a primary. I find that a very sad observation.

Those girls are being racist. They pick on her because she is white. They do it to the other pale girls as well. Not just the middle class ones.