Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

Original poster

Cries about going to big school.

18 replies

nutelladipper · 26/04/2015 13:27

My DS is due to start

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TeddyBear5 · 26/04/2015 13:29

In September?

Just don't talk about it. It's far too early and achieves nothing but anxiety in some children. Beginning of August start introducing the topic.

Original poster

nutelladipper · 26/04/2015 13:30

Oops sorry!

My DS is due to start school in september and he sobs uncontrollably at the thought.

He's a quiet sensitive soul who loves routine. He will be nearly 5 when he starts. He has been at nursery since he was 1 so it's not because he's used to being with me.

I've tried not really talking about it but as it's fast approaching I feel we need to tackle the issue.

We talk very positively, we show pictures and read books but all result in tears.

It is breaking my heart.

Any tips on how to tackle the issue?

OP posts:

mrz · 26/04/2015 13:35

Dòes the school have transition sessions so that he can visit before September?

PerspicaciaTick · 26/04/2015 13:35

What does he think is going to happen that is so frightening for him. Has someone said something, or has he jumped to a wrong conclusion about what happens at big school?

Can you very gently try to tease out what he is thinking?

Mostly I would back off for the time being though - for him it is still half a lifetime away. Could you focus on any taster days instead - get him geared up and excited about going in with his friends from nursery and playing just for an hour or two?

Original poster

nutelladipper · 26/04/2015 13:44

Thanks.
He won't say why he's upset but he just says he wants to stay in preschool. He has said he'll miss me.

Irritatingly I've been made redundant so I'm reducing him down to one day at nursery thinking it'll give us time to do some nice things before he starts. I'm now panicking thinking he should stay for all three days so he doesn't loose contact with his friends etc.

They have "reading mornings" in July so that'll be what we'll focus on but they do mean they'll miss his favourite gardening club so it's not going to go well :(

OP posts:

ScaryMaryHinge · 26/04/2015 13:52

One thing that worked for getting information out of my DD, now 7, until recently was talking to her via a favourite cuddly toy. I'd hold up a teddy, use a squeaky voice and she would chat to it as if it was a person separate to me. I'd start with questions about innocuous things like TV programmes and gently work towards what was bothering her.

Sirzy · 26/04/2015 13:55

Can you contact the school see if he can visit sooner with you? Might help him realise it's fun

reni1 · 26/04/2015 14:12

I would tell him it's a long time until September. 4 month is an eternity at that age. If you talk about it, make him aware his friends will leave nursery, too. It's obvious to you, but might not be to him, he might think he's the only one...

Original poster

nutelladipper · 26/04/2015 16:19

Thanks all.

I'll try the teddy trick.

I've told him it's ages away and talked about all the things that will happen before then like holidays, new brother etc etc and I try and focus on these. It's children at nursery who keep talking about it. Although nursery, from a staff perspective don't really mention it till July.

OP posts:

PerspicaciaTick · 26/04/2015 16:24

The new baby is probably also quite worrying.
DD started school when DS was 4 months old. The whole of that summer was very emotional/trying.

PerspicaciaTick · 26/04/2015 16:27

I think there is something in small children's heads where they read the situation as "Mummy is packing me off to school, where I don't want to go, and replacing me with a new baby. I am still her baby. I don't want to go to new school. I don't want a new baby. I want to stay small forever. Why does everybody say I'm going to be a big boy at school and a big brother at home? I like it the way it is."

Littlefish · 26/04/2015 16:47

I would start talking to him about all the things that will be the same as now, rather than what will be different.

E.g. "I expect there'll be a sand tray at your new school".

"You'll take the same lunchbox and food to your new school as you do now". etc.

This is what I do with the children in the nursery where I work. We talk lots and lots about the similarities until they have had their visits to their new schools. For many children, the idea of moving schools is just too difficult a concept to understand fully until they have actually visited.

littlejohnnydory · 26/04/2015 23:01

Are you absolutely set on sending him?

NotCitrus · 26/04/2015 23:41

School is like nursery only with bigger and better toys.
Babies are pretty boring but like having their feet tickled. Try to get visitors to talk to ds first, about something that isn't the baby.
Is anyone from his nursery going to his school? I think just don't mention it until trying uniform on in August, unless he does.But expect strops over the summer. Playing up how poor baby is too small to eat ice cream but ds can, may help a lot!

Original poster

nutelladipper · 27/04/2015 19:20

Littlejohndory I don't have much choice!

Yes we talk about big sand tables etc etc.

I'm not overly concerned with baby coming! He is a big brother already (2.5 year old dd) and he's desperate to have another sibling. The one positive thing he's ever said about big school is he'll be able to teach baby new things! I've told him I'll collect him at 3pm before getting sister from nursery at 5pm so he can help me with baby which he was very excited about - main him feel important. So at the moment baby is well timed but we'll see how reality pans out!

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 28/04/2015 11:35

Honestly, this is the hard time. I found with mine that anticipating such a big change was far harder than actually making it. Mine found the settling in days really useful but they were still nervous until they actually started. Then it was fine.

mummytime · 28/04/2015 12:08

Do talk to the school about it. He should be getting settling in visits soon, if he is really struggling they may be able to do extra ones, and focus on helping him settle when he goes there.

Its a long time.

If he is still crying about it in a few weeks, I might go to see your GP to see if they can give you advice with his anxiety.

Original poster

nutelladipper · 28/04/2015 12:58

Thanks All.
I've a parents meeting next week where i'll meet his teacher so i'll pick her brains too regarding advice and nursery are now aware so are making sure all talk they hear his peers having is positive etc etc.

OP posts:

Flip