when will the anger go away?

[Gnome134]

It's a week on from primary offer and I feel worse than I did last week. Wonder if anyone who has been there can advise when it will feel better.
My situation is my youngest has missed out on a place in our local village catchment school narrowly on distance. His sister is in year 6, so doesn't count for sibling priority. More galling is the school is changing it's admission criteria for next year to catchment priority over siblings ( it is an academy so can set it's own admissions arrangements). So he is unluckily stuck in a large year group, between two years that he would have got into the school. We are first on the waiting list, but when I asked the school said they'd never experienced any movement once places offered.

We are really lucky that we did get our second choice school, and consequently my husband doesn't understand why I am still feeling upset. I am just worried and sad that my son now will go to a strange school knowing nobody, instead of the school he's been in on many occasions with children he knows from preschool.
I know it's irrational, but needed to get it out!

You aren't being irrational. Its a shock and frustrating that your son cannot attend his nearest school. Its sad that he cannot go to the same school as his friends. If the school is changing its admission arrangments then the chances of your son getting place eventually gets higher.

I am not sure that I would want to move him in future if he is settled at the other school. The pre school were great in warning people of the high numbers and the importance of second and third preferences, so it wasn't a total shock.

I went through similar but stupidly didn't put a 2nd or 3rd choice down after assuming ds would get a place in the school we could see from our front door the nursery teacher assured us he would get in Ds was placed in a school 2 miles away which we turned down. Massive shock and upset to me but DH didn't really get it.

We were on the waiting list and went from 5 to 2 within 2 months but eventually accepted an offer at a local school that we'd gone on the waiting list for.

It was a horrible time and I completely understand how you feel.

I'm glad it worked out for you in the end. It is not good you got misinformation from nursery. There is another thread about the amount of bad advice around!
My DH had almost convinced himself we would get none of our choices, so was pleased to get what he have. To be fair we both really liked the second choice when we looked round, and it had a good feeling.

Thank you tiggytape. From this and other threads you are clearly a source of experience and I appreciate your comments.

Movement if you're first only takes one child to be moving-and that does happen even in areas with little movement.
Form mine, it has very much varied. Ds' year had no movement until the summer term in year 1, and only 2 dc left over infants (2 form entry). Interestingly though 3 of those left (due to moving away with work) in the first 2 terms of year 3.

Dd2's year had had half a dozen leave and be replaced by the end of year R.

It is definitely the thought of getting used to another school that is increasing my frustration! And I realise how fortunate we are not having complicated scenarios with children at different primaries. That is why I felt wrong to be feeling so rubbish about it. Thanks for all your comments, I feel loads better now!

You have my sympathies. We had this problem with secondary, went through an appeal that failed. I hardly slept for months it was all I thought about. I felt so jealous of people who got the school. We eventually got a place in January. I hope you have a successful outcome for your child.

A major cause of stress is any change forced upon you, where you have no control. This is what's happening to you

Gnome134 I think it's fine to feel angry, better get it out now so if/when he goes to school #2 you can be calm and focusing on the positives.

If it's any help we didn't get any of our choices and I am furious. I am so furious I tweeted This Morning while David Cameron was on. Thank god I can confess here thanks to the anonymity of Mumsnet!

There is a lot written about forced change and how people react eg when made redundant etc. The truth is you will only feel better when (assuming you don't get school 1) you accept what had happened and start to focus on the positive sides. Anger is such a personal feeling. Try and go and see your allocated school and think positive. Maybe change will not be a disaster, but a fresh experience.
A good friend spent 6 months so angry about not getting into her first choice (where DD was at nursery) that it completely tainted the whole experience of her pfb starting reception. She admits that she loves the 'new' school but the system made her feel very worthless

This happened to a couple of families at a school I taught in many year ago. The whole LA was shifting from sibs to catchment. I was teaching Y6 and I remember 2 mums in tears as they had a large gap and their Y6 kids didn't could as sibs. They were in catchment but we had 25 sibs that year.
Anyway, out HT write to all the parents who got in reminding them that the system would be changing the following year and that they may want to consider this if they had younger ones and lived out if catchment. 1 family subsequently decided to switch to their catchment school so 1 of 'my' parents got a place. The other got a place by Christmas.

Of course it is all to do with change. DH and I had looked at the second choice school before, and liked it. Took son this morning to look round and still like it, so I think it will be fine. I was happy to mentally accept the situation when the allocations came out last week, just was really thrown by being first on the waiting list. Have found out there are 22 siblings going into a reception class of 30 so I don't imagine there will be any movement at village school, especially as I believe all the schools in local town also oversubscribed this year. The system is mad!

We got our second choice of school. DD is now in Y3 and her school has turned out to be ideal for her.
But I still occasionally get annoyed that she would have got into our first choice another year, especially when I see my neighbour driving her GD there when it's an easy walk, while we have a 20 min walk.

I'm still feeling mad.

Got accosted school had today some random mum year below my eldest asked your son get in mine did.

We missed 1st preference and sibling school by 123 metre.

Emailed prospective mp who has passed it on to council to investigate not holding my breath.

We will miss new parents evening.
We will miss 1st day at school.
Settling in sessions
Nativity

All this happens last year to do now it's ed 3 I'm livid.

I'm. Now just trying avoid speaking to people and might become a social hermit.

Still home educating My 5.8 yr old.
She's been waitlists since last sept.

I still get cross when I see kids getting of the bus and train and passing my house to go to a school that's had about a 100m catchment for 10 years. A school we had no hope of getting into although it's soooo near. I actually think the school we put as first choice ( being realistic) and she got into-eventually- is by far a better school for her. I love, love lots of this about it. But I'm still ranty about the unfairness of not being able to go to the local community school because of blatant cheets.

Sorry to everyone else feeling cross too! I thought I felt better, then did the walk to school with the children, and feel cross again too. I feel like the primary thing with my son is overshadowing DD' s move up to secondary school and year 6 leaver things. I'm OK at home, as soon as I go near the schools I get wound up. Actually just wish July would hurry up and we could move on.

We won our appeal last year and I'm still cross about not getting the place initially - though that's probably not helpful to you, is it? :)

Oh, yes yes. We won our appeal for the school which was our first choice, but wasn't what we really wanted. I'm still really cross we had to put a realistic choice as first choice, rather than what I would have liked. Then I am cross we had to appeal for what was blatantly an admissions mistake. I think I am just a cross person. It's not healthy I tell you. We need help...

My son is currently in yr6 at our local village primary school, so my dd would not have had the sibling connection either. This will be my 11th year of doing the school run to the same school, yet the only reason she scraped in, is because the council agreed that the school could accept children within a 1.5 mile radius AFTER the sibling priority. We are 1.5 miles away from our nearest school. The majority of the children in her class have come from surrounding towns and villages, but got in because of their siblings.

I'm still seething about it and we got a place!! So I really feel for you.

In 2009 we didn't get either of our two preferences (it was only two back then) and I still feel annoyed. It opened our eyes to how much lipservice is paid to parental choice when in reality it is the computer algorithm based on distance and numbers that makes it for you. We did a group appeal and I saw another parent last week and her eyes still filled with tears when she spoke about the experience of applying for infant school. She'd just gone through the process again for secondary school and it wasn't much better.

Baffledmum I agree so much that it is not really a choice at all, just a numbers game. Not sure how the system could ever be unpicked now, but if all schools were good enough and children just went to their local school surely it would be better?