Feel like my 10 year old ds is always frustrated

[bananasoranges]

All his hobbies he has to push to the extreme. For example, he will get into model making but not be content making any old model. He will want it to be the most complicated thing possible. He will spend ages designing it, researching it on youtube, google etc., but things always end up too difficult to actually do. DH is great and tries really hard to help him achieve his dreams but invariably things are too expensive or difficult to finish. How can I help him keep things within the realms of possibility. I feel like we are letting him down

Try nipping it in the bud, so if he starts getting too heavily involved in something which isn't age appropriate just say "no Mr that isn't on, you are not doing it". Offer to help with something that is in the right age range and something you can afford.

If he's anything like our ds who can be a bit faddy, no has to be something we are not afraid to say! If not he'd be up to all sorts and costing is a fortune.

I would praise the fabulous idea. Point out that you or daddy only have say two Sundays completely free this month to help him and get him to look at which bits can be scaled back so that it becomes feasible. Set him a maximum budget per month for projects (I wouldn't go above £10). As he can obviously 'do detail' then get him to draft a project plan eg Research one week DS, Sunday morning assemble all kit & instructions on kitchen table, make aircraft body DS & DH, Sunday afternoon fix undercarriage etc. At the end of the day reiterate what a lovely time has been had working together and how you'll enjoy the next session, without dwelling on progress.

It sounds like he is a bit of a perfectionist. There's a lot of stuff online at the moment about teaching children how to fail (or how to cope with failing) which might be helpful?

Do you mean he makes 'scratch built' models from wood, card, plastic etc?

That is the most difficult way of making things. Could you not get him into making up models from kits? Either plastic kits, like Airfix, but there are lots of others, and there is a varied range of subjects: cars, trucks, motor bikes, planes, ships, historical and biological figures.

There used to be film 'monsters' - Frankenstein, Dracula, The Mummy, Hunchback of Notre Dame, and I had a fantastic Witch with a cauldron, rats and bats being cut up on a butcher's block and realistic 'blood' trickling down the grain of the 'wood'! But I don't know if any of those are still available.

Airfix also did working mechanisms, that came with an electric motor: beam engine, single cylinder internal combustion engine, etc. But they are probably discontinued too.

I assume he has done Lego and Technic, or Meccano?

Or flying aircraft from balsa wood kits. Or model railway layouts.

I can see that it must be very hard to watch your son's frustration when he can't achieve what he wants.

But does he really need to rein in his ambitions? If he keeps dreaming big dreams, one day his competence may catch up. There will be no limit to what he can do then.

The kids I've known who've had the vision to want to do the most enterprising things have mostly found it very hard going when young. Then they get older and are in a position to work for six months to build that robot, and go earn the money to buy the necessary bits. They achieve things you never imagined possible.

Have patience. He'll amaze you.

My son has similar tendencies - he's 10 too. Giving him space to experiment has helped. So he's got his own work bench and tools, sketch book for designs, etc, etc. He's constantly inventing and trying out things. I tell him honestly that I can't really help as it's not my thing. That way if he does achieve something I can genuinely be wow-ed, as I'd never be able to do it. DH is far more practical, but equally tells DS repeatedly that he needs to design and work out the flaws/ what he might be able to do first - that seems to be sinking in. He also tells him tales of frustration remembered from when he was a v.similar child. Slowly DS is getting more patient. I have learnt to trust him when I hear sawing and hammering. So far he still has all his fingers..!