Supporting DS(8)

[Marmaladedandelions]

My son has had 2 weeks off school after he became very distressed due to a variety of factors - marriage breakdown, my illness in pregnancy, just general stress and upheaval. He now says he feels ready to go back after easter.

DS started this school in Year 1. He has never, to my knowledge, experienced bullying, meanness or unpleasantness. On the other hand, he doesn't really have 'friends.' A lot of this was, I think, linked to my husband. I think DS was anxious about being away from home and this was exacerbated by the birth of his sister last April, when he was in year 2. I had a difficult pregnancy with her, too. He is quiet and lacks confidence although he is clever, talented and very thoughtful too.

I suppose I'm just wondering how I can support him in actually making friends and feeling a part of things at school, and how the school might be able to support me/us in this?

Thanks, I'll try to do that. One of the problems is that they keep trying to keep him in at play to spend time in the SEN unit to make friends - the issue is these are not children in his class so he hasn't got much in common with them.

Why are they keeping him in the SEN unit? If this is not helping you should speak to the teachers

Suggest he attend the nurture group at break time once a week and allow him to find his way the rest of the time. At this age they live in the present and each break isa brand new day. Only allow more intervention much further down the line shouldhe. Still be having difficulty. Sorry typing on the hoof...yuca create issues that just are not there if you go ott.

Well yes, I do feel it's rather over zealous planing him indoors five days a week.

From their point of view, they see a child alone and take him to a safe place - fine, but the issue is the more he is taken away the less he mixes. It's tricky as they are lovely people but rather 'this is how we do things' where the children are concerned.

I can't see the logic of withdrawing children who struggle socially . We recently had a child who has spent 3 YEARS! 1-1 with a TA because of problems mixing with other kids ... Madness IMHO

DS struggled initially as he didn't complete reception at this school, and so he was the odd one out from the start. He's never once to my knowledge fallen out with or upset another child - he ironically relates well but distantly. I hope that makes sense!

Are there any break/lunchtime/after school clubs that he could go to? Might help. Also consider out of school clubs where some of his class mates are already going. Things like football or beavers.

I would also see if I could arrange for children to come home with DS after school for a playdate.

I am sorry Marmalade but I believe the notion that he was left out in Reception is an adult perception and not necessarily a child's genuine experience. Either way all his life people will come and go at every age ,children are excellent at adapting ,it is adults that struggle with it. Let him get on with it, if you are strong and supportive he will learn and be that.If you believe he has suffered he will believe it too and behave accordingly.

Doowrah, what I meant was that DS didn't attend that school in reception. When he did start in year 1 it was a strange time for our family as I had recently lost my dad and my brother. He's a quiet little boy and wasn't great at pushing himself into already established groups.

I understand Marmalade he sounds like a lovely lad but I don't subscribe to the notion of established groups in KS1 either...sorry.

He is a lovely lad :) but unfortunately yes that was pretty much what happened.