Dd has been faking illness as worries about maths work

[holidayseeker]

Dd 9 has been pretending to be ill so as not to go to school as she is worried about not being good at maths.

At parents evening I was told she was at the necessary target for her age however they expect her to be at a higher level then that down to predictions they have said they do at reception age.

What is the best way for me to help her so that she doesn't feel the need to make up illness. Do I help her at home with maths or is getting a tutor a good idea?

This is my standard Numeracy information, which is really for younger children, but it may clarify things or fill in gaps she might have:

Practical things are best for grasping number concepts - bricks, Lego, beads, counters, money, shapes, weights, measuring, cooking.

Do adding, taking away, multiplication (repeated addition), division (sharing), using REAL OBJECTS as just 'numbers' can be too abstract for some children.

Number Bonds of Ten forms the basis of much maths, so try to learn them. Using Lego or something similar, use a LOT of bricks (of just TWO colours, if you have enough) lay them out so the pattern can be seen of one colour INCREASING while the other colour DECREASES. Lay them down, or build up like steps.

So:

ten of one colour none of other
nine of one colour one of other
eight of one colour two of other
seven of one colour three of other
etc,
then of course, the sides are equal at 5 and 5; after which the colours 'swap over' as to increasing/decreasing.

To learn TABLES, do them in groups that have a relationship, thus:

x2, x4, x8

x3, x6, x12

5 and 10 are easy

7 and 9 are rather harder.

Starting with TWO times TABLE, I always say: "Imagine the class is lining up in pairs; each child will have a partner, if there is an EVEN number in the class. If one child is left without a partner, then the number is ODD, because an odd one is left out."

Use Lego bricks again, lay them out in a column of 2 wide to learn 2x table. Go half way down the column, and move half the bricks up, so that now the column is 4 bricks wide. That gives the start of 4x table.

Then do similar things with 3x and 6x.

With 5x, try and count in 'fives', and notice the relationship with 'ten' - they will alternate, ending in 5 then 10.

It is important to try and UNDERSTAND the relationships between numbers, and not just learn them 'by rote'.

An inexpensive solar powered calculator (no battery to run out!) can help learn tables by 'repeated addition'. So: enter 2+2 and press = to give 4. KEEP PRESSING = and it should add on 2 each time, giving 2 times table.

There are good web sites, which can be fun to use :

www.ictgames.com/

www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/page/default.asp?title=Woodlands%20Junior%20School&pid=1

My gut feeling is that the real problem here isn't whether your DD is good at maths or not - its that she's feeling so pressured by some sort of expectation that she'd fake illness.

So maybe the most important thing to do is to reassure her that the teacher says she's doing ok, that there isn't really a problem. You might want to ask her (if you can do this in a very un-pressured way) if she feels like she'd like to have some extra help (either a tutor or yourself) but that it's up to her, not something she has to do.

Thanks for the advice Ferguson.

Errol you are right she is a perfectionist and always wants to be the best at everything. Dh is very competitive and like this so I think this is where she has got it from. She is in a mixed class of year 3 and 4 and she is upset that everyone in her group is in year 3 with no other year 4 kids in it. Everything that she does she worries about eg when buying my mothers day present she them worried for the whole day that I wouldn't like it once she gave it me.

It's finding ways to stop her worrying, I think over Easter I will ask her if she wants me to help her with the tips given.

Are you sure she is "faking" it? I used to get stress tummy aches aged 10 as I was such a perfectionist. Went to GP a lot and that was the eventual diagnosis. She may need help with dealing with stress rather than maths per set. look at the bigger picture.

Yes she is making it up and has told me she has done several times. I agree we need to look at why but right now if she is telling me her maths is a problem then I want to help with that to stop her worryig about that in the short term

You might need to get your DH onside to help moderate the competitiveness and perfectionism. Just a thought, but have you asked him if he ever had anything like this - something that he perceived himself as not being good (enough) at and if so how he dealt with it?

Hopefully the holiday break will give her a chance to relax a bit.

I have told dh to calm down with the competitive talk but I don't think he sees anything wrong with it. I will speak with him again I think.

Discussing with your DH the importance of praising girls for effort rather than achievement is really important.

By the sounds of it, it seems your dd's ability at maths is not the problem, but her attitude to learning it is; the anxiety of failing is putting her off. Teaching her at home could help build her confidence. I posted the following on another thread of the approach I take in teaching maths 121. Some of it may help:

What I found helps with lessons is:

Lots of colour and diagrams. Eg: "To get an improper fraction multiply the whole number by the denominator, so 2 1/5 becomes 11/5" How much more fun for a child to actually see 2 coloured circles divided into 5. Your drawing does not have to be perfect, you can ask the child to imagine you have drawn perfect, equally sized 5ths.

Pick interesting examples. Aliens on spaceships, dragons dividing up a sponge cake. Bearings can be taught as easily by a teddy bears' game of hide and seek as by a tanker driving into harbour.

Stop talking and start listening. Your child will learn so much more by doing the maths than by having it told to them. Give lots of examples for them to have a go at as you work through the sections. If your child gets stuck, it is so tempting to jump in with the answer. IME it is a balance between encouraging the child to work it out with a few hints and completely helping if the child is finding it difficult to the point of tediousness. Often a child will sit quietly because they are trying to work something out. They just need time, not hints. Judging what to do takes a lot of listening to the child.

Maths takes time. If you can't understand something the best option is often to walk away and come back later. The subconscious seems to work on it while you are doing something else. If introducing something difficult just tell the child you don't expect them to understand it this time, you are just telling them about it. It does not matter if the child does not understand it first time and it is surprising how much easier they learn if the anxiety of failing is taken away. Getting them to indicate with their thumb how well they are understanding it will help them see they are making progress and only understanding it a bit is success, not failure. Also, repeating it next day then in a few days helps it on its journey from short term to long term memory. Do not worry you are not explaining it right, as they will interpret this as their failing. You too can also "leave that bit" and come back to it next day.

Keep it fun. Stop as soon as the child is getting tired. It is no use just getting to the end of a section is your child really wants to stop. Pick a time when both of you are not tired. A child will return so much easier to a lesson they found fun last time.